Random Thoughts Of A Black Man

The Big 4-0

2010-02-22T12:22:00.000-08:00

First and foremost, let me say welcome back to all previous readers and hello to some new ones. I'll explain the long layoff from blogging in another post. For now, I'm focusing on my newest task and topic of this particular post: trying not to drink alcohol. I can hear jaws drop across the Internet and chuckles rumble from people who think I'm nuts for doing this. Truth is, I'm not sure I'll make it. But I plan to learn a lot about myself through this process. The reason for me abandoning the sweet, sweet taste of the spirits is spiritual...kinda. It all started when a co-worker of mine told me she was giving up sweets for Lent. I figured, why let her be the only person who suffers. So I decided to give up something...cursing. But my co-worker said that wouldn't be hard enough. So I (perhaps foolishly) said I'd give up the sauce. That was 4 days and several glasses of ginger ale ago (if you squint it kinda looks like I'm drinking booze). So far I'm doing ok, but I almost had a relapse (I sound like I just left the Betty Ford Clinic...lol). Something went down at the job and I got mad...and instantly, I wanted to have a drink. I hadn't thought about drinking hooch for a few days, but just like that *snap* I was thinking about when I would make time for an empty barstool and a glass full of Liquid Courage. I don't pretend to be a Biblical scholar so I'm not really sure what is supposed to be learned during this time, but today I learned something about me: I look to drink when I experience an intense emotional event. I know my liver wishes I'd discovered that a long time ago...

I Tried to Keep it Abstract...

2009-04-22T12:47:00.000-07:00

I think everyone relishes standing out. I mean who doesn't like being an individual? Wearing whatever moves you regardless of the newest trend...saying the first thing that comes to your mind despite your surroundings or company. But with that freedom comes a penalty. You invite yourself to be misinterpreted by others. It doesn't bother you much when it comes from random co-workers or "friends" who are really on the fringe of being just that. It really messes you up when people who "know" you hit you over the head with it. It's like they accept you, but they do so begrudgingly. It's almost as if they've given up trying to shape you in their own image. I'm not going Biblical with the GOD creating Adam undertone here, just venting. On some levels you can brush it off, because the jerk in you that allows you to be an individual has created this "screw it" mentality. But the other .001% of the time, it bothers you. Deeply. To the point where you're forced to take a step back and analyze yourself. Really look deep into your soul. Questions arise.

"How has the way I've lived my life impacted others?"

"Do I need to alter my lifestyle to appease others despite the fact it may make me like myself less?"

Then the awkward silence happens. Apologies are made. Jokes replace the silence and we move on. Only we don't. The questions keep you up at night, forcing you to confront what's been said. And then you realize it...you're not sure if you like you anymore. But it's ok, because it makes her happy.

Happy Easter

2009-04-12T03:23:00.000-07:00

A few questions for you all to ponder or even answer this Easter*

1. Can The Pope retire?
2. Where does he get that bedazzled hat from?
3. Does The Pope Beanie (you know the faux yarmulke he wears) stay on his head underneath the bedazzled hat?
4. If The Pope is allowed to retire, what does he get?

*Yes these are actual questions I asked aloud to people*

A Recap...

2009-02-21T01:44:00.000-08:00

A few months ago I place an order for curly fries.

I got them thinking I'd only snack on them for a little bit. I never thought they'd be my entree.

What the chef didn't tell me was that these fries came coated with love instead of Lawry's. Imagine my surprise when I took a bite.

I noticed the tang of paprika was missing. No hint of garlic here.

Instead I tasted passion and lust and sex...and it tasted damn good.

I yearned for my curly fries...needed to feel them tickle down my throat as they filled me up.

Soon I noticed my soul was full. Something I hadn't felt in years.

Panicked, I rushed to the bathroom...channeling my inner bulimic Eastern European model.

Months of snacking lay floating in my toilet. Relieved I flushed and looked forward to the next snack.

Today I'm still searching, looking for something to fill me.

Just When I Thought I Was Out...I Get Tagged

2008-10-11T01:02:00.000-07:00

I'd like to thank the Academy for this award...lol. But seriously, good look on recognizing a trill dude keeping it trill. And now, I will continue to comply and list some more truthiness. A picture of the person who tagged me, however, will remain at a minimum. And by that I mean, ya'll ain't getting none. Just use your imaginations.

1) I really did tell you the truth. I wasn't ready.

2) If I lived there, things wouldn't be easier, they'd be the same. Only I'd have more excuses not to see you. Maybe it's how things will always be with us.

3) Sarah Palin could get it. But only with her glasses on and her hair down. The minute she switches to contacts, gets Lasik surgery or puts her hair in that bun, she gets crossed off the list.

4) Ok...the bun can stay. But I need those glasses on!

5) I admit it...OJ did it. *hangs head in shame and puts down black power fist*

6) Dating is for the birds...at least when you don't have any dates. Kinda like you don't appreciate the right to vote until it's taken from you. Shout out to my dudes locked up.

7) LOL...I really don't know anyone locked up. I just needed a way to lessen the blow of me having a suck ass social life.

Seeing as how I am a rule breaker, I will not tag anyone. I believe in free will. You wanna spill your guts on the internet...go right ahead.

Outsourcing

2008-08-25T11:08:00.000-07:00

I swear to butter, if one more person from Iowa takes my order for a #2 Super-Sized with an iced tea at the McDonald's around the corner from my apartment I'm going to flip out. It happened today on my lunch break. I decided to venture away from vending machine cuisine and get real food. I drive to Mickey D's and place my order with what sounded like a Black chick. Yes you can sound Black...try it at home. So when I get to the window what do I find? One of Team China's gymnasts...real talk. Shorty looked she was fresh off the rickshaw. How did we go from Jenny From The Block taking my order to Ming-Na Wen taking my money. *sigh* We've got to do better.

Detox Is On The Way*

2008-08-17T02:56:00.000-07:00

You need to git up, get out and get something.
Don't let the days of your life past you by.
You need to git up, git out and git somethin.
Don't spend all your time tryin to get high.
You need git up, git out and git somethin.
How will you make it if you never even try.
You need to git up, git out and git somethin.
Cuz you and I got to do for you and I

When in doubt turn to OutKast. Or Mom. Either one provides the verbal ass-kicking needed to get through the day. I had someone else to do that...but I screwed that up. Ask me no questions and I'll tell you no lies.

*Shout out to Pimpin Ken (no homo). I told you I had an update! More on the way!

Stuff That Made Me Think Ignorant Thoughts

2008-06-28T04:47:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I came home from work. I noticed a shopping cart on the sidewalk near my apartment. My first thought was to move the cart and keep it moving. But then I thought..."That could be someone's car/house. How would I feel if I came outside and my car was about four blocks away?" I'd be pretty pissed. Long story short, I left the cart where it was.

In the newsroom we were discussing the Verne Troyer sex tape scandal. Yes, Mini-Me was getting it popping on camera. With a woman. A full grown woman. Like she was average height while he comes to about...well never mind I'll let you paint the mental picture. So someone screams out that the tape actually exists. Without even looking up from my desk I chime in..."Is it a comedy?"

For Halloween I want to dress up as Uncle Ruckus from The Boondocks. I figure if I get enough people together we can go as the entire cast. This includes A Pimp Named Slickback...Colonel Stinkmeaner and other miscellaneous characters. If you want to be a certain character please do your research. Don't try and come as Huey and not commit to growing an afro. Please believe I will wear the smallest white shirt that exposes all the belly fat that Uncle Ruckus does. That's how I roll...

I peeped out this cat's blog the other day. Rashaan's I think. I'd throw in the link, but I don't know it off the top of my head. Anywho, dude had a post talking about slow jams and how you gotta have the right music to set "the mood". Well, I went home and looked at what I have on mine. Yeah...totally different. He had all the necessary groups and singers...Jodeci...Maxwell...Aaliyah...Floetry. I had songs by those people too, but I had like some other stuff on mine. I'm talking Maroon 5...John Mayer...Kelis...Ying Yang Twins...Biggie. Here's my philosophy. The list should be about the music, not the words. If you're too busy focusing on the words and vocal arrangement something ain't right.

Mama Knows Best

2008-06-14T03:16:00.000-07:00

You know you haven't updated your blog in a long time when your Mom calls you about it. I'm gonna give ya'll the reason I gave her. The stuff I'm going through right now ain't really for the public. It ain't like I'm going through anything life-threatening. Just trying to make sense of somethings and the people involved in these things...let's just say they're familiar with this blog. So in order to keep my private life just that, I'm gonna put a lid on it. I will however relish in a small victory I learned about before coming to work. R. KELLY IS FREE!!! I love it. And for those of you who think this is just me raging against the machine and taking the road less traveled hear this: I AM SO SINCERE! I'm looking forward to the afterparty this weekend in Chicago. Free "lemonade" and no ID required...LOL!

When One Blog Isn't Enough...

2008-05-06T10:55:00.000-07:00

...get one at work. That's what I did. In addition to posting (sporadically I admit) on this blog, I've started a blog at work. Don't look for the same shenanigans I post here. I gotta keep it somewhat classy at work. So when you guys have some down time, check out what I do for a living. Just log on to wtkr.com, scroll down and click on the link for blogs. You'll find me.

This Is The Tag That Doesn't End...

2008-05-03T04:02:00.000-07:00

...yes it goes on and on my friends. Some people started writing it, not knowing what it was and they'll continue tagging me forever just because this is the tag that doesn't end. Ok so sue me, I used to watch "Lamb Chop's Play-Along" as a kid.
So my family member stuck the knife in my back like she's Brutus and I'm Caesar. So here's the tag you've seen...EVERYWHERE!!

Here are the rules:
1. Link the person who tagged you.
2. Mention the rules in your blog.
3. Tell about 6 unspectacular quirks of yours
4. Tag 6 following bloggers by linking them
5. Leave a comment on each of the tagged blogger’s blogs letting them know they’ve been tagged.

1. I used to have a recurring dream when I was a kid about a clown chasing me and then ultimately farting on me. Hence my dislike for clowns. Watching the movie "It" didn't help much either.

2. I once considered becoming a pastor. Reading the blog you'd never think that about me huh? But yeah, I really did think about it. Me as a reverend can you imagine? At least all the little choir boys would be safe at my church...

3. I broke a kid's wrist (or was it his arm?) when I was playing youth recreation basketball. I forget how old I was, but all I remember is the kid went up for a layup and I knocked him down. Coach told me to protect the hole. Good life lesson in so many ways...

4. Between the ages of 10-13, my shoe size grew each year. When I was 10, I wore a size 10. When I was 11 I wore a size 11 and so on and so forth.

5. Most kids study traditional languages in high school. French, Spanish, German. I studied Latin. Maybe I should've pursued a career in medicine...

6. When I was younger I used to pick up stuff with my feet. Like Rafiki from "The Lion King"

I ain't linking no one and I ain't tagging no one. All the people who read this have either done or refused to do this.

I Hate My Girlfriend

2008-04-19T02:21:00.000-07:00

This is a transcript of a phone conversation Wifey and I had a few days ago.
Everything in this is accurate (or at least in my mind it is)...

Wifey: So i've been thinking...we've been together what four months now?
The Kid: Yeah (with dread in his voice)

Wifey: I think it's time we take our relationship to the next level.
The Kid: (now with blank stare on his face as his jaw is dropping)

Wifey: I'm going to put you in my Top 8 on my MySpace page.
The Kid: ...I hate you.

Wifey: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
The Kid: For a second I thought you were gonna say something stupid like let's move in together.

Allergies

2008-04-06T02:15:00.000-07:00

So I think i'm allergic to babies. Not like break out in hives, start developing a nervous twitch above my left eye, dry heaving allergic.
I just can't look at em.
Allow me to provide some backstory.
On one of my days off i'm at the crib (get it crib...baby...never mind) flipping through channel after channel.
***SIDEBAR***
Why is it whenever you're home on your day off, a freaking marathon of "America's Next Top Model" is on? Can I catch some "Tom and Jerry" cartoons? I'm just saying?
***SIDEBAR***
Finally I stop on a show called "Bringing Baby Home: The First 36 Hours". And for some reason, the show catches my attention. It's not for the alleged cuteness of newborn babies (that's up for debate). It's for the sheer paranoia and fear the new parents have. Dad is complaining because he's changed seven diapers in 17 hours straight with no sleep. Mom complains of sore nipples due to the newborns desire to be fed...constantly. It's pure comedy, at least to me and my sick sense of humor. And suddenly it hit me...that's gonna be me one day. The thought of me getting up at dark thirty in the morning to change my kid is not on my to-do list. At least not right now. See how long it took me to add another full grown human into my life? Now we're talking about adding a mini-me? Nah...not the kid. So where did all this paternity anxiety (damn that sounds like something I could develop) come from? Talking to one of the homies from Jersey. I've known this cat for close to 10 years (god i'm old) and just recently, this dude's been talking all paternal.
"i just feel like it's time...in a year or so don't be surprised if you're an uncle"
"..."
kudos to you my friend for electing to jump. Me, i'd rather be pushed.

Supernova*

2008-03-23T01:39:00.000-07:00

Definition: a stellar explosion that creates an extremely luminous object. A supernova causes a burst of radiation that may briefly outshine its entire host galaxy before fading from view over several weeks or months. During this short interval, a supernova can radiate as much energy as the Sun could emit over its life span.

Funny how one word can sum up the past few months of your life...

*Definition provided by the good folks at Wikipedia. What? Ok, raise your hand if you've got a dictionary in your back pocket.*

Respect My Fresh

2008-03-15T01:39:00.000-07:00

A couple of days ago Pimpin Ken (name changed in order to protect identity) and I were conversing about staying fresh. Not like "I have body funk and I need to do more than spritz on Axe body spray" fresh. We were discussing clothes. I know this may not sound like the average conversation two heterosexual men have with each other, but hey a nigga likes be well dressed. Don't worry, to balance it out we talked about sports and bit...I mean women later (gotta try and eliminate that word from the vocabulary, unless it's applicable). So Pimpin and I came to a conclusion...our work fresh is impeccable. I mean I'm the shirt and tie king. I got sweaters...I even match my watch with my belt and shoes. I got witnesses who've seen the kid throw it on. It's so elegant. But when it comes to casual fresh...I must admit I'm slacking. I have been guilty to rock (on occasion, but less in recent times since I really started reading my GQ) that work shirt (you know the one I really like) with the "good jeans" (the slim boys that I can wear in the club...not the ones I wear on casual Friday just to scare Mister Charlie) and some "dress shoes" (the ones I used to wear to work before they started developing the MEAN Gumby lean). But on those days I wanna just chill and still be elegant I find my wardrobe lacking. I got some nice jeans...but I need a few more to really feel comfortable. I got some shirts...but the majority are for work with a few that qualify for after-hours lounging. I don't lack shoes or sneakers, and my watch game is on point (my mom bought me a case to house my ever expanding collection...thanks mom...gotta shout her out cause she reads). I just feel like I'm on the cusp of casual fresh, but something is lacking. I realize to most this sounds EXTREMELY metro-sexual and even borderline gay. But let me reassure you neither of those is the case. I got witnesses that can verify I'm about the salmon (sorry Jam...I just had to sneak it in...lol). I'm just a dude who like to look nice, preferably all the time. I read a quote from Kanye that really stuck with me. Forgive me if I butcher it...but I was something to the effect of this: "I always get dressed like I'm going somewhere." I'm trying to reach that level. Maybe I'm reaching too high with this fashion shit. I mean I don’t want to be the guy schleping into work at 10 at night and working the overnight in some Gucci loafers, pressed shirt and some exclusive ass jeans (they better be glad I give them the courtesy of wearing clean underwear every night...sometimes), but during the week I want to be the best dressed dude in the building. I'm a competitive person...it's in my nature to want to crush someone. So I turn to you all out there. Help my reach the apex of my fresh.

P.S. Not to sound conceited...but the kids vocabulary game is real MEAN right now! WWWWWHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

The Game Done Changed

2008-03-08T02:43:00.000-08:00

Granted I've been out the game for a few months, I've missed out on a lot.

But can someone tell me what's good with this "utter" thing?
I've gotten my Diddy on and pressed play and I've got to say you guys are violating the term utter.
According to the Merriam-Webster's Online Dictionary (cause who has a real dictionary at home...) utter means (in the verb form mind you)...and I quote "to send forth as a sound".
I've listened to a handful of these and ya'll are definitely not uttering.
Niggas is talking.
The "is" makes it so uber hood...adds to my street cred.
But I say all that to say this...who started this tom-foolery?
Who is responsible for uttering the first utter?
Stand up and take your punishment like a good girl.
I say girl cause like two niggas read this and a man talking about punishing another just sounds gay.
Or like some form of terrorism.
Either way I ain't down with it.
Waterboarding or Brokeback Mountain-ing.

The Return of The Swag

2008-03-01T03:52:00.000-08:00

What's good? I know it's been a long time. All will be revealed in due time...like now. So when was the last time I blogged? Like two months ago right? Damn. A lot can happen in two months. Let's see...I guess the most relevant thing (at least personally) is that I have a girlfriend. She's a good woman. Creative, smart, funny, educated. You know all those mushy adjectives people use to describe their significant other. You know that I won't get into too many specifics so I'll just keep it at that. What else is going on with the kid? Some drama at the job. Long story short, some personnel changes were made and I'm back on weekend mornings. Am I tight about it? Yeah...to be honest I still am, doubt if I'll get over it. But I'm trying to add some food coloring to the sugar water and convince myself it's Kool-Aid. Mom says it's the kick in the ass I need. Hate to admit it, but she might be right. Other than those two major things everything is pretty much still the same. Still cooler than your grandfather...

It Was All Good Until The School Bus Crashed

2008-01-14T13:33:00.000-08:00

That sounds like a movie title or something right? However it is another day in the life of a news producer. People in the business know the feeling. It's about an hour before your show, you've finished early and checking out what's going on on MySpace and Facebook while listening to "Goin Back To Cali" by The Notorious BIG. Ok maybe that's just me at my job. Nevertheless, I'm chilling when our breaking news pager goes off.

"THERE'S A SCHOOL BUS CRASH!! KIDS ARE HURT!!!"

I'm chilling cause I'm doing the 5:30 and mostly very little local news goes in the 5:30. Those stories are reserved for the 5 and 6. Not today though. The crew that is leading my show is the closest to the scene. Guess who just lost his local lead with an hour before show time? If you guessed me, you win!

"Sorry, we've gotta bust your crew to this. You just lost your lead."

Most people would have a hissy fit. But us newsfolk have an understanding...the most important story is the one that's going on now. So for the greater good, my show is now about a minute and thirty seconds short. Sounds like nothing to you, but imagine that being 1/3rd of your show. Yeah, hold that.

Honesty

2008-01-12T18:02:00.000-08:00

***Raising hand feverishly***
Can I ask the class a question?
***Teacher acknowledges me***
How honest is too honest? Like is there a way to be honest and not be an ass? I'm really being sincere with this question. Because I pissed off a friend by being too honest. Part of me wishes I re-worded my answer, but another part doesn't. We were and are honest with each other. I may answer a question honestly kicking and screaming, but I do. And sometimes I'm so damn blunt. Like I don't have that filter that senses when something I say or do could potentially be damaging. I'd kinda like to have that.
***sits back down and waits for the class to answer.

Christmas Presents & Palm Trees

2008-01-05T14:37:00.000-08:00

After consulting with myself, I decided to go a little more in depth about my Christmas in Florida. Enjoy the recap as I enjoyed living it.

Dec. 22
I worked the morning show that day so I was a little sleepy already, but it's all good cause I'm gonna see the grandparents, some select family members and mom, dad and brother. Have I packed yet? Come on now. So I speed to the crib, throw something respectable in my bags. Yes bags as in plural. One for my suit and shirts. The other for jeans and shoes. I make sure I wear something decent because we all know Black kids have to travel in style. Flashback to when you were young and went on a plane to (enter exotic location here). Your mom or dad or both always made sure you were fresh to death. That definitely carried over as I got older. So after ironing, I settle on a pink button up (not flamingo or high lighter, just pink), some slim boys (the jeans that you can wear in the club) and some brown chill shoes. Yes brown and pink match and yes my belt matched my shoes. Before going to the airport, I stop at the barbershop for a last minute shape-up cause I need to be fresh in Florida. I walk in and it's like Kid Central. I forgot how packed the spot is on a Saturday. So I walk up to my barber ask him how many heads are in front of me.

"What you need dog?"
"Shape-up"
"Then I only got two in front and they both kids so it shouldn't take long."

30 minutes later, I'm in the chair.
10 minutes later, I'm out.
Clean.
I mean what's cleaner than a Black man in a pink shirt, brown shoes and a fresh line?
I make it to the airport with time to spare.
I promptly make my way to the gate and wait for my flight.
I pull out "The Souls of Black Folk" and get some quick reading in...pretty good book.
The plane arrives, I hop on and make my way.
This is where shit hits the fan.
Apparently there's some kind of fluid the plane needs so we sit...and sit...and sit.
It wasn't Jet Blue status, but it was close.
Damn near 45 minutes pass before we take off.
Finally I reach Atlanta (I had a connection from there to Orlando), and proceed to find out what gate my plane leaves from in this cavernous airport.
I luck out because the gate is like three down from where my plane came in.
We fly out of ATL and make it to O-Town.
My mom and brother flew into the same airport so I meet up with them.
They already have their luggage so I figure mine should be up next.
Wrong...wrong.
Apparently since my flight was delayed through some act of Satan, my luggage made its way onto a much, much later flight.
I waited in the airport for damn near three hours.
I...WAS...TIGHT.
Through grace and mercy I don't kill someone and get my bags.
An hour later I'm at my grandparents house and it's all good.
My grandfather made dinner and my man threw down.
Baked chicken...peas and beans...and I swear the best potato salad I've ever tasted. And did I mention he made a pie? Son...a cherry cheesecake pie. Get with it.

Dec. 23
We wake up to eggs, grits and bacon. Ah...nothing like it. But we don't linger too long because you know what's on the agenda...church. My brother and I get fresh and throw on the suits. I can't front, the little homey can dress. Glad I rubbed off on him. I had on a dark blue suit, burgundy and blue checker shirt and a straight color burgundy tie. Brown lace up hard bottoms. I think I'm on a brown kick. We make our way into church and the minute we walk in, all eyes are on us. I'm not being conceited, it's just a small church. So we shuffle into our seats and FROM THE PULPIT...my grandfather asks me and brother and mom to stand up. He introduces us. Tells the congregation about us and we keep it moving.
After church we go back to my grandparents house and continue to grub. But we don't linger cause we gotta go pick up my pops from the airport. So we heat up last night's leftovers, change clothes and hit the highway. At the airport me and my brother give my dad "The Handshake".
Back to the grandparents house and chill.

Dec. 24
For the first time in like 13 years I saw my godmother and her daughter. It was pretty damn cool too. My godsister is hella smart and talking about going to MIT for college. My brother and I stopped endorsing Hampton shortly after she said that...lol.

Dec. 25
The usual Christmas happenings...presents getting opened. Gifts getting constructed. Yo, my grandparents got a 32 inch flat screen...DEAD ASS! But guess who had to set it up and figure out how the mo-fo worked? You guessed it. Me and my dad messed with that thing for a good 15-30 minutes, but it worked. At least it did when we left...
Dinner was ROCKING! Beef roast...collard greens...macaroni and cheese...yams...red velvet cake...sweet potato pie...pound cake...yeah. It was a good look.

A Year In Review

2007-12-29T17:35:00.000-08:00

So what if I steal? My mama still love me...and so do you.

1) Was 2007 a good year for you?
Yeah...I went through The Growth. Became full time at the station. Told her I loved her and actually meant it...Got comfortable with saying I love you...I'd say it was a good 365 days.

2) What was your favorite moment of the year?
Honestly, I can't even pinpoint one. I had a couple though. Check the archives...lol.

3) What was your least favorite moment of the year?
The Growth...lol. Growing pains are a bitch.

4) Where were you when 2007 began?
Ohio...surrounded by corn fields.

5) Who were you with?
The family

6) Where will you be when 2007 ends?
Not sure yet. Got a couple of options, but nothing confirmed.

7) Who will you be with when 2007 ends?
I don't know, maybe you...

8) Did you keep your new years resolution of 2007?
Didn't make any. I don't like letting myself down.

9) Do you have a new years resolution for 2008?
Nah. Why break tradition?

10) Did you fall in love in 2007?
Nah, but I did admit I loved someone. Does that count?

11) If yes, with who?

12) If yes, do they know?

13) Are you still in love with them?
In love? No bueno. But I still like her...

14) You regret it?
Honestly, some days I do. Thinking about that scenario and what led to our current state messes with me. Like I feel I should've done more to preserve our relationship.

15) Did you breakup with anyone in 2007?
Kinda...sorta...maybe...yeah.

16) Did you make any new friends in 2008?
Friend is a strong word. I'll say I made a few additions to the roster. But straight up friends...zero. Damn I gotta join the local NAACP or the Hold My Mule While I Shout A.M.E. Church of God In Christ First Baptist Memorial Temple and Mosque.

17) Who are your (most memorable) favorite new friends?

18) What was your favorite month of 2007?
February. I entered a tax bracket when I became full time.

19) Did you travel outside of the US in 2007?
That's a negative...but I need to. Any ideas?

20) How many different states have you traveled in 2007?
Four or five

21) Did you lose anybody close to you in 2007?
No. Everyone is right where they are.

22) Did you miss anybody in the past year?
Yeah, my parents...her...Buford...Mr. Harris

23) What was your favorite movie that you saw in 2007?
Three way tie between American Gangster, 300 and Transformers. American Gangster redefined what swagger means (no homo) and forced Jay-Z to put out another classic. 300 just made you want to get a posse of 300 dudes and just wreck anyone. And Transformers was just...excellent.

24) What was your favorite song from 2007?
International Players Anthem by Outkast and Andre 3000's verse on "Da Art Of Storytellin' Part 4".

25) What was your favorite album from 2007?
American Gangster by Jay-Z and Love/Hate by The Dream. Real talk dude is a problem. I admit I hated on that Shawty Is A 10 joint at first, but the album is stronger than anything Frank Lukas got out of Vietnam.

26) How many concerts did you see in 2007?
None.

27) Did you have a favorite concert in 2007?
Seeing as how I went to none...that's a resounding no.

28) Did you drink a lot of alcohol in 2007?
I mean I'm six feet tall 260 pounds. I need a lot to get me where I need to be.

29) Did you do a lot of drugs in 2007?
Anything grown on Mother Nature's soil is not a drug.

30) How many people did you sleep with in 2007?
Lol...come on man, my mom reads this. I'm gonna plead the fifth.

31) Did you do anything you are ashamed of this year?
I don't think so. But if I missed anything, I'm sure I'll be reminded.

32) What was the biggest lie you told in 2007?
It's your baby...

***Why isn't there a number 33?***

34) Did you treat somebody badly in 2007?
Probably. I ain't even gonna lie.

35) Did somebody treat you badly in 2007?
In my mind more than likely. But to the rest of the world, probably not.

36) How much money did you spend in 2007?
Enough to pay my bills...pay my rent...keep gas in my car and food in the fridge.

37) What was your proudest moment of 2007?
The Growth

38) What was your most embarrassing moment of 2007?
If it's really that embarassing, what makes you think I'm going to re-live it?

39) If you could go back in time to any moment of 2007 what would it be?
When I reached out to my ex-girlfriend. I'd smack myself in the back of the head and not even try to talk to her again. It's best to leave past events in the past.

40) What are your plans for 2008?
Keep paying off these student loans until Uncle Sam gets off my back. Find a classy, sexy woman to compliment and enhance my swag. Get a new car, keep writing and continue to progress as a man, scholar, producer and overall fly ass dude. It's a new day and I'm trying to keep it elegant. That's the new word for '08.

Back From FL

2007-12-28T12:42:00.000-08:00

I advocate spending the holidays in a warm climate. Nothing like getting off the plane to 75 degree weather. Ahh Orlando. Well not really Orlando, but Winter Haven. I spent Christmas at my grandparents house. My whole fam came down. It was real Hallmark...well since we're Black I guess you could say real Mahogany. It's fun watching old people fuss at each other...I mean if you've been with someone for damn near 60 years, you've earned the right to bitch and moan whenever necessary. But all in all Christmas was cool. Got to laugh and joke with my brother and dad. And as an added bonus, saw my godmother for the first time in like 13 years. So good times...

Just Cause I'm A Follower*

2007-12-08T02:56:00.000-08:00

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags?

Assuming I buy someone a gift...gift bags. Who has time to actually wrap a gift? Give me some tissue paper and a decorative bag and I'm good.

2. Tree, real or fake?

Fake all day. No need for watering or none of that nothing. The minute December 26th hits, I fold that joint up and put it back in the basement.

3. When do you put up the tree?

Don't have one to put up.

4. When do you take the tree down?

Seeing as how I don't have one, I don't. When I lived at home we usually kept it up a little after New Year's.

5. Do you like eggnog?

Hell yeah. I'm an nog snob though. It has to be Southern Comfort with the Vanilla Spice flavoring.

6. Favorite gift received as a child?

I really don't know. I've had a lot of good ones. Got a bike one year (who hasn't)...a robe (with the initials)...all of them have been pretty ok.

7. Do you have a Nativity scene?

Do you mean the one with the five pound, eight ounce tiny Baby Jesus laying in his manger covered in his golden fleece, playing with his Baby Einstein toys learning all his shapes and colors in it?

8. Hardest person to buy for?

I don't do the whole present thing. Ask my friends.

9. Favorite Christmas tradition?

This is gonna sound kinda lame, but just being around the fam. That's all.

10. Worst Christmas gift you ever received?

See final sentence of #6.

11. Mail or email Christmas cards?

You'd think I'd make up for not giving gifts by sending cards right? Nah...gotta stay consistent.

12. Favorite Christmas movie?

Bad Santa...Friday After Next...Home Alone

13. When do you start shopping for Christmas?

I don't.

14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present?

Nah.

15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas?

I love it all. It would be a disservice to all the food cooked to name just one thing. I'm an equal-opportunity eater (insert dirty joke here).

16. Clear lights or colored lights on a Christmas tree?

We still say colored? What happened to "Negro"? Hell, I'd even take "Afro-American".

17. Favorite Christmas song?

"Santa Claus Is Coming To The Ghetto" by Snoop Dogg. Anything that has Nate Dogg on the hook is a banger. Don't matter what season. He could harmonize the alphabet and niggas would buy it.

18. Travel at Christmas or stay home?

Wherever the family is.

19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeer?

Before copying and pasting this survey? Nah. I have eaten reindeer before...true story.

20. Angel on the tree top or a star?

Angel. And it's Black! ***throws up the Black power fist***

21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning?

Morning.

22. Most annoying part of this time of year?

All the holiday music played around the clock. It's like the minute Black Friday hits people cue up the Bing Crosby...old ass Motown Christmas CDs...and every other record label that forced it's artists to do a Christmas CD. Remember "A So-So Def Christmas"? That wack ass Christmas song by TLC...

23. What I love most about Christmas....

Being with the fam.

*and because I wanted La to say bah humbug :)

Update To The Crush Update

2007-12-05T04:26:00.000-08:00

She's involved with someone. Told me in a message. But here's silver lining...if I didn't live about 1,000 miles away and she was single, she'd give the kid a chance. I'll take that as a moral victory.

Crush Update

2007-11-24T14:37:00.000-08:00

So I told her...and I got a response back. Wasn't exactly the one I was looking for, but then again when you profess a crush on someone how often do you get the response you wanted? Well, that's off my chest...back to work.

My Latest Crush

2007-11-17T14:49:00.000-08:00

This is weird. Not the me having a crush part, just the person who I have the crush on. She and I met while I was at Hampton. She was a classmate of mine. One day she and I just started talking, I forget what sparked it (I think I was trying to get at her roommate). Anyway, she and I exchanged numbers, we chatted, she came through, we DID NOT have sex and that was ok. We still talked throughout the semester on a friend level and then graduation came and went and so all that ended. Flash forward about a year. She had written a book about her life. Some real deep, like Grand Canyon deep shit in there. I remember she posted a segment of it on her MySpace page. And the shit hit me hard. It was about a time she and a guy were "together" and how basically dude raped her. And even though it wasn't about me, that shit hit a serious nerve. Maybe it's because it gave me perspective on how the other side of the coin is ya know? Like when we as men keep trying to push the limit on how far someone will go. We never consider the mental and emotional stain it leaves on a woman. Well after reading that, I definitely made a conscious decision to never be that guy. So I sent her a message saying just that and how I thought back to our encounter in college and how that could be perceived as trying to do too much too soon. So she hit me back saying I wasn't anything like that and how she enjoyed her time with me. Well like I said, that was damn near two years ago and I can't get her off my mind. She's got her own business, she's an award winning author, she's into the church thing. On paper and in person, she's doing it. And I have a crush on her.

Just Cause It Will Piss You Off

2007-11-16T02:25:00.000-08:00

LOL...what can I say? I'm a vindictive SOB...hahaha

1. Name one person who made you laugh last night?
Chris aka Young Coleman aka Pimpin Ken

2. What were you doing at 0800?
It isn't that time yet. But I'm pretty sure it will involve news of the day.

3. What were you doing 30 minutes ago?
I started putting my show together.

4. What happened to you in 2006?
Developed a cult following on the internet due to my superb writing skills.

5. What was the last thing you said out loud?
"Ok fine, O.J. is guilty...this time."

6. How many beverages did you have today?
If spit counts, one. If not, none.

7. What color is your hairbrush? I got a black one and a brown one. The black one has softer bristles than the brown one. Gotta keep the waves spinning ya dig.

8. What was the last thing you paid for?
A card for my uncle (he broke his pelvis) and some Chinese food..

9. Where were you last night? What time?
Nigga why? LOL!

10. What color is your front door?
I want to say beige.

11. Where do you keep your change?
In a cup in my bedroom and in my car.

12. What's the weather like today?
Mid 50's with wind gusts between 10 and 20 miles per hour.

13. What's the best ice-cream flavor?
Wow...there are so many. Um...this is like choosing which child is my favorite. I'm gonna say chocolate ship cookie dough.

14. What excites you?
New things...and money. Them greenbacks always make me tingle...pause.

15. Do you want to cut your hair?
Yeah. Gotta keep up this Corporate America look. Too much hair on a Black man scares Mister Charlie.

16. Are you over the age of 25?
Nope. Reppin that Jack Bauer all day.

17. Do you talk a lot?
Only to people I like.

18. Do you watch the O.C.?
That's a negative. Me and LC got nothing in common. Oh God, just the fact that I know her name scares me! Damn you MTV and your constant promotions!!

19. Do you know anyone named Steven?
Yeah, about three people.

20. Do you make up your own words?
Absotively

21. Are you a jealous person?
If I have trouble answering this question does that mean yes?

22. Name a friend whose name starts with the letter "M"
Moesha...lol. Don't front you watched the show too!

23. Name a friend whose name starts with the letter 'K'.
Kim Kardashian. I figure if you seen someone naked that many times you're somewhat friendly.

24. Who's the first person on your received call list?
It's not a person. It's an establishment.

25. What does the last text message you received say?
It's too long to type, but it involves leaving these skip-scap-scallywags alone and finding a good clean girl.

26. Do you chew on your straw?
On occasion.

27. Do you have curly hair?
Yeah.

28. Where's the next place you're going to?
ATM...barbershop...nail place (gotta get that bi-weekly manicure...yes, I've embraced it)

29. Who's the rudest person in your life?
LOL...I have a few people contending for the title. For now I'll say me. I hav my moments.

30. What was the last thing you ate?
That salmon...LMAO! Nah I had some boneless spareribs.

31. Will you get married in the future?
That's the plan.

32. What's the best movie you've seen in the past 2 weeks? Last 2 weeks?
Wait, doesn't that mean the same thing? Niggas...
"American Gangster". I now understand swagger thanks to Denzel...pause.

33. Is there anyone you like right now?
Yeah. Wanna know who it is?

34. When was the last time you did the dishes?
Me? A few days ago. My dishwsher? A few days after that.

35. Are you currently depressed?
Nah, just a little suicidal.

36. Did you cry today?
Haven't done it in years, don't plan on starting today.

37. Why did you answer and post this?
Read the title. Shout out to Pittsburgh, Houston and Lake Charles, Louisiana!!!! LMAO!!!!

38. Tag 5 people who would do this survey.
No need. If someone feels moved, they'll follow suit.

Needs

2007-11-02T02:23:00.000-07:00

1. Right now I need a chick with low self esteem and no gag reflex.

2. I need to stop laughing at #1...but I can't because that shit was funny.

3. I need Jameil and La to stop cyber harassing me. I'll submit a meaningful blog when I feel like it dammt. Keep it up and I'm gonna report you guys to Al Gore. Remember he did invent the Internet.

4. I need us to stop marching. Noose found on the door of a Black college professor's door...we's marching. Nas is about to release an album called "Nigger"...we's marching. Dog The Bounty Hunter blacking out on his son for dating a Black chick and calling her the title of Nas' new album...we's marching.

5. I need to find a presidential candidate worth voting for.

6. I need to go to church, but I don't want to.

7. I need that "American Gangster" cd like Michael Vick needs Valtrex...and a mistrial.

8. I need to get hungry. I've been real fat and happy ever since I got full time. Niggas forget what struggle feels like. There's a multitude of things I have blueprints for in my head. I just don't have the desire to see them through.

9. I need a muse. But please submit a resume and an 8x10 glossy.

10. I need you to believe that it's gonna be ok. I wouldn't mislead you.

Sigh...

2007-10-17T10:31:00.000-07:00

Today I've been delegated to being an AP as opposed to producing. We just hired a new producer and the show I normally do on Wednesday (6pm) is the one she will be taking over. So I'm "helping" her write the show. Hence this blog entry. For those unfamiliar with being an AP, take a journey with me. AP=associate producer which = being somebody's bitch. If someone needs a story written, they come to me. Need some research on a story? I'm your man. It's like buying the groceries, cooking dinner and not getting credit for a bomb ass meal. This shit blows...pause.

Ignorance Returns!!

2007-10-11T04:43:00.000-07:00

Finally "The Boondocks" returned. If you missed it, you just went down a notch on my list of favorite people. If you have Ti-Vo or a DVR and haven't watched it yet...you're tripping. You've had ample time to enjoy the ignorance. I'm not gonna spoil the show for you, but I will leave you with a few choice quotes...

"I got ya, ya little Half and Half."

"You know Robert Freeman never misses a coon flick."

Oh and one more thing, make sure you see the fight scene between Huey and Uncle Ruckus...genius.

And one more one more thing...shout out to the homie Chris from Delaware State. I saw you got a job at a paper. Congrats fam. You've passed Struggle 101: The Post Grad Years. Now you're entering Struggle 234: Learning to Live on A Wack Salary. I got the Cliffs Notes if you need em. But seriously...congratulations. Hard work is always rewarded.

So What Do You Like To Do?

2007-10-07T17:13:00.000-07:00

That was the question I was asked at work yesterday. And for about 15 seconds, I had this blank stare on my face.
I was thinking.
Hard.
Finally a light bulb came on.

"Uh...I play PlayStation?"

Silence.
By this time two other people joined the conversation. Great, now I had an audience. Another light bulb popped up and allowed me to try and save myself.

"But that's not all I do. I read a lot and I write on the side too."

Approving nods proved to me that I had won back the respect of the white man and his woman. We all know how important that is. But that exchange got me to thinking. I know, I know that's a dangerous thing. What do I really do? I wake up, wash my ass, go to work, come home and kick it. And if the PlayStation happens to call out to me, I indulge myself.

***SIDE BAR***
You ever hear the Richard Pryor bit about him and the crack pipe? Long story short the crack pipe would talk to Richard. "Come on Rich, it's gonna be you and me on this couch all day long."
***SIDE BAR***

But other than that, I really don't do much in this area. I think part of it revolves around the idea that I wouldn't be here long. I figured I'd do my four years at Hampton, get a good ass job and roll. Yeah about that...I'm still in the area, with an ok job and no plans to leave until February 2009. So should I plant some seeds in the area? And for the record that doesn't mean kids. I feel like I need to do something. Ideas?

Personal Hygiene

2007-10-07T15:57:00.000-07:00

Apparently getting a manicure falls into this category. Who knew? Certainly not me. For the longest I clowned dudes for getting this procedure. But now I find myself wanting to see just what it's all about.

******DISCLAIMER*******
I can see you frowning at the screen and making that face. Stop it. You were right. Ya happy?
******DISCLAIMER*******

2007-09-28T02:07:00.000-07:00

I lose myself in the flashback and almost crash into a guardrail. A quick jerk of the steering wheel and I'm back on track. Mentally and physically. You'd think after all this time, I would have forgotten all the stuff that got me where I'm at. But if I forget then I can't grow, so maybe that's why the sirens still ring in my ears. The blood long washed away still feels warm on my face. The road starts to fade away again as I start to get my Marty McFly on. Thankfully me jerking the wheel to avoid becoming road kill woke up my daughter.

"DADDY TURN THE WHEEL!!!!"

Kiara's shrill voice snapped me out of it. Another sharp jerk of the wheel keeps us alive. Kiara looks at me with a "what the hell was that" glare. Without even looking at her I pull over onto the shoulder of the road. Her look nearly burns a hole in my face.

"Daddy, you've been acting funny since we left Ms. Mable's house. I didn't want to ask you anything since I know you don't like to to talk about her, but is everything ok?"

Perceptive little person isn't she? I blame the water in California.

"Nah Stinka. I've just been stressed out about this drive. I forgot how long it was."

As I finish that last sentence, I take off my seat belt, open the car door and get some fresh air. Hopefully this will really clear the cobwebs in my head. I guess seeing Charlene messed me up more than usual. Most times after I'd pick up Kiara from her place I'd be so tired that I wouldn't have time to think. Despite what my daughter may have thought I really was away on business. The love for art was blooming again and I was in the middle of it. Some say painting died a long time ago. I just say people forgot how to perform CPR. Back in the day the streets were flooded with artists. Not people who just throw paint onto some white posterboard. I'm talking cats who made the Mona Lisa look like a stick figure. But, just like me, one bad painting turned everyone off to the idea of cubism, realism and the subtle genius of Norman Rockwell. My masterpiece of failure was killing Charlene's brother. My head was somewhat clear now despite the melancholy events that lingered in my subconscious. I got back in the car and looked at my still slightly frightened daughter.

"I'm sorry Stinka. This ride is really getting to me. What do you think about us finding somewhere to just rest for a little bit?"

"But Daddy won't we miss the grand opening of the sea lion exhibit? You know how much I love them. They're the ones we always talked about going to see."

She looked up at me with those dark brown eyes. And I swear they had a hint of tear in them.

"Looks like we're gonna press on huh? Cause I doubt you'll forgive me if you miss them."

"Probably not Daddy. Who knows, you could be the reason I'll need rehab when I'm 22."

She looked at me and flashed a toothy grin. Note to self, cancel all the smart channels. I'll be damned if my kid keeps outwitting me. I rolled my eyes and started up my '08 Mustang. Kiara kept smiling as she buckled her seat belt.

"Now remember Daddy, keep your hands at 10 and 2 and make sure you pay attention. We can't afford an accident. I'm precious cargo."

Not only is she smart but she's funny. What kind of monster have I created? I pulled back onto the highway and continued our trip. An hour later Kiara was back asleep and I was back to my flashback. It wasn't voluntary. But seeing the sister of the guy you murdered who also happens to be the mother of your child will miss anyone up. Seeing Terry's mugshot on TV did more than make me sick. It forced me into making a deal with the Devil. Charlene came to my room to check on me. Despite our spats we did love each other. Or at least we tolerated each other enough to have sex. Besides after 14 days of solitude, I welcomed any human contact. She walked in and immediately the funk of vomit and BO smacked her in the face.

"I thoughy homeless people smelled bad, but this place smells like you hung up shit-scented air fresheners. Light a match nigga, damn! And why do you smell like Fritos and sour cream? You been fucking with those white bitches at UCLA? I swear to GOD Donovan, if you gave me or our baby something..."

She continued to go off as she found somewhere to sit down. Good to see that impending motherhood had mellowed her out. I was too dehydrated to argue. Instead I made my way back to my bed. I pulled out a notebook from inside one of my pillowcases. While I was trying to wrap my head around everything I had done, I wrote everything down. Every. Fucking. Thing. From the slashing of Terry's throat to my suicide attempt. Luckily I'd run out of painkillers 2 days ago. Once I fished out the confession/suicide note I gave it to her.

"What the fuck is this your homework? Ain't you the one on scholarship?"

"Shut up and read. I'm going to to get some water and take a shower. I just hope you're here when I get back," I weakly said.

And for once, Charlene listened to me. Maybe it was because she felt the serious tone I was using deep in her spine. Or it could have been the vomit breath I had acquired after two weeks of dry heaves. Either way she kept quiet and read. I grabbed a towel, some shower shoes, a rag, some soap and made my way to the showers. The warm water and Irish Spring helped wash away the dried blood and scabs. But the solitude of the shower forced me to think about the past. Nothing like being alone with your conscience and GOD to make you think. I dried myself off and made my way back to my room. When I got there I noticed the door was slightly cracked. I opened it all the way and saw Charlene pointing a gun at me. My note was in her other hand. Before I had a chance to say anything, I heard a noise. Then everything went black. And for the first time in about two weeks, I felt at peace.

Good Reading

2007-09-27T14:14:00.000-07:00

I've been looking for a book that cna not only advance my knowledge, but also my self worth. So yesterday I hit up a Barnes & Noble in Virginia Beach in search of said book or books. I did find somethings that will help me out. Bought "The Souls of Black Folks" by W.E.B. DuBois. No I've never read it and no you can't take my Black card because of it! I figured I want to see what all the hype is about, plus it was like $10. So I figure some low budget learning never hurts. I also picked up a book that'll add to my bag o' tricks. Apparently I already have the gift of gab and a few other talents (can't mention those cause this is a family blog). What's the book you ask? "The Art Of Sensual Massage". While you ponder that, I have an announcement...check the archives for some back story cause I don't want to lose anybody. I'm serious this time. Jameil stop frowning and saying "HMPH" cause I can't hear or see you. Check Friday afternoon. That doesn't mean directly at 12:01...more like 3 or 4.

Model Chick Update

2007-09-21T03:26:00.000-07:00

I now know how it feels to be a woman...kinda...PAUSE!!!! So I spoke to the model chick earlier in the week. And she hit me with the "I don't want it to seem like I'm leading you on" lines. As she's saying all this, I'm laughing in my head because I've said that so many times to so many women. I wonder how many of them have laughed in their heads? Ah well. So I guess that was her way of letting me down easy...she don't know about the kid. I wrote that chapter in the book of game when she was breast feeding. So this year's season of "Top Model" has ended. Time to find something else to keep me occupied. Maybe I'll write some more...

Got Me A Model

2007-09-15T17:42:00.000-07:00

A few weeks back I told a co-worker of mine that I was through with dating these locals. They either had emotional issues or kids. If you're crazy we can work through it, sort of. But if you got some rugrats, you get the doorknob. So out of the blue she mentions how her best friend feels the same way about the local guys out here. See where this is going? So she calls her girl and leaves her voicemail about some guy she wants her to meet. So it's like a week later. I'd just gotten home from work and was watching SportsCenter. Then my phone rings. It's a number I'm not familiar with. If you know me, you know I won't pick up if you call from some unsolicited number. Truthfully, when you call me from a number I do know, I still don't pick up. But nevertheless, I pick up and it's my co-worker's best friend. She and I start chatting and eventually we agree to meet up that night. For me it's a win-win. That same night one of my other co-workers was having a going away party. So I figure if old girl looks like "Oh shit!", I have a back up plan. So we agree to meet at this restaurant in Virginia Beach (not The Cheesecake Factory...ass). Now I'm not nervous, cause I'm cooler than a milkshake in a snowstorm, but I am a little anxious. The chick at my job did mention her girl is a model. Yes...a model. So I start crunching some numbers mentally, the average model is what 5'7" to 5'8". If she's got on the "come get it" shoes she'll be about my height. Also, she'll be on the skinny side. Now I don't mind you being thin, but if I can see your ribcage expand and contract while you breathe, we need to get you a pork fat IV or something. So I'm standing in front of the spot in my polo, jeans and fresh out the box Air Force 1's when my phone vibrates.

"I'm walking up behind you right now. Do you see me?"

I turn around and see this 5'8" or 5'9" dark-skinned woman. She has on these skinny jeans, black stilettos (did I spell that right?), white top with a 3/4 length jacket on. I know I'm not doing the outfit justice, but let's just say she walked like a model and dressed like a model. So I'm gonna guess that was her. We exchanged hugs and headed inside the restaurant. The wait was crazy long, like an hour to 90 minutes, so I called an audible. There was a Coldstone Creamery less than 30 feet away.
Two Gotta Have It's later she and I are chatting it up about anything and everything. She's 22, just out of Virginia State (players mess up too) and still living at home (strike one!). The night starts winding down and I almost forget about the going away party.

"I forgot I told some work friends I'd go to this going away party. You want to go with me?"

A short walk around the corner and we're at this bar/restaurant/club. And it's like all eyes are on her and me. I introduce her to the Saltines (white people) and mingle a little bit. I catch the model chick talking to my co-worker's girlfriend.

"...really that's interesting. Can I just say something? You are so beautiful."

We hang out for about a half an hour when the model mentions she has to get up early the next day to do a few things. So we say our goodbyes and I walk her to her car. We hug, promise to call each other and she leaves. I go back to the bar/restaurant/club and everyone has their Kool-Aid smile.

"Oh my GOD she's so pretty! Is she a model or something?"
"Actually she is."

Now that I've caught you up, here's the dilemma. I slowly see myself cutting her off. Let me explain. We went out again about a week after that. I believe we saw "Rush Hour 3". Everything went great. No complaints or anything to report. In person. But when we're on the phone I feel like there's nothing there. It's like we don't talk about anything relevant. I don't to make it sound like I want to discuss the social impact of W.E.B. DuBois' "The Souls of Black Folk" on the modern African-American. But sometimes I feel like the spark ain't there. Great in person, wack on the phone. Now is this a case of me looking for something to be wrong or am I just making all this up in my head?

Boomerang

2007-09-08T18:42:00.000-07:00

I'm glad you're coming back. I just wish it wasn't now. Had it been like a few months after you left that you decided to come back home, I could deal. Because the feelings would still be fresh. But if that's the case, would the understanding I have now due to the past have developed? What I mean is you leaving and us not being us actually helped me. You know? I needed to see what kind of person I was. And now that you're coming back, it's like you'll be seeing a whole new me. At least I hope. It'll be easy to fall back into the habit. But honestly, I don't know if that's Growth. Yeah, I'm back on that kick. Growth was you bitching me out on the phone and me saying fuck you (I said it in my head, so that may be why it's new to you). Growth was me finally calling Old Man River by his name because I knew you two were "us" instead of me and you being "us". And now it's Growth that has me apprehensive about how to feel about this. Nothing more would make me happier than to have you back in my life the way it was. But that wouldn't be Growth, that would be you taking a step back. I know, I know stop being so selfless, but at the core of who I am, that's who I am. I want what's best for you. If that means us starting like we did the first 10 days, I might have to say no. My penis will hate me for it, but the rest of me knows it's best. Will we have this conversation face to face? I doubt it. But it's necessary to get this out in some form. Maybe one of your friends who reads this is smart. But I pray she's dense.

Sexy Time!

2007-09-02T19:33:00.000-07:00

I saw this on V's blog, who saw it on...everyone else's.

1. HAVE YOU GOTTEN LAID IN 2007?
Yes sir! But still I'm not satisfied...

2. EVER HAD SEX IN A PUBLIC PLACE?
Nah, but that is on the list though.

3. EVER LAUGH DURING SEX?
Yeah. I always say if you can't be good, be funny.

4. EVER CRY DURING SEX?
Uh no. The fuck is this "Lifetime"?

5. DO YOU LIKE TO CUDDLE AFTER SEX?
Depends who I'm with and the circumstances that led to us having sex. If you're wifey or have wifey potential, we're getting our snuggle on. But if you're some broad you get your half of the bed...no more, no less.

6. EVER REGRET SEX WITH SOMEONE?
Yeah...but I mean hey I was in a slump...

7. EVER FAKED AN ORGASM?
Nah

8. DIRTY TALK, OR SHUT THE FUCK UP?
I'm a talker...

9. EVER HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX?
***looks around the room uncomfortably and raises hand***

10. EVER MASTURBATE TO YOUR FRIEND'S SIGNIFICANT OTHER?
WOW! That's how we feel in 2007??!! No I haven't

11. EVER HAVE A ONE NIGHT STAND?
Oh yeah. And each one is better than the previous one.

12. EVER WATCH PORN DURING SEX?
No, but I've had some suggestive music on. You pair that with my imagination and it's porn-like.

***WHY IS THERE NO NUMBER 13???***

14. EVER THOUGHT OF SOMEONE ELSE DURING SEX?
LOL...yeah. When I was a freshman in college, I had pictures of some half naked chicks on the ceiling above my bed. So one afternoon this chick comes through and we get it going. But I wasn't really digging her so "my man" wasn't getting with the program. So in order to get the job done, I had her get on top so I could focus on the chicks on the ceiling.

15. HAS THE CONDOM EVER BROKEN?
Yeah

16. WHAT IS YOUR MOST EMBARRASSING SEXUAL EXPERIENCE?
I've already blogged about it. Search the archives bitches!!!

17. HOW OLD WERE YOU WHEN YOU LOST YOUR VIRGINITY?
13...no bullshit

18. WHO WOULD YOU LIKE TO HAVE SEX WITH RIGHT NOW?
This chick I just got off the phone with.

19. DO YOU THINK THAT #18 IS POSSIBLE?
With this face, anything is possible (LMAO...that shit sounded mad conceited!!!)
20. ARE YOU HORNY NOW?
Yeah, it's been a minute since I had some. I'm due.

21. HOW MANY SEXUAL PARTNERS?
Wait let me consult my list. And yes I have a real list of people I've had sex with. I write each one down with a name, date and description of the woman. ***looks at list***...between 25 and 30.

22. DO YOU LIKE SEX IN THE CAR?
It all depends on what kind of car. If you've got a Geo Metro, we ain't getting it poppin. I'm too tall for that shit. Now if you got like a Lexus truck, then we can talk.

23. DO YOU STILL TALK TO THE PERSON YOU LOST VIRGINITY TO?
Nah, haven't seen her since 7th grade.

24. EVER HAVE SEX WITH A RELATIVE/FRIEND'S SIGNIFICANT OTHER?
She wasn't his significant other, but they were really good friends.

25. EVER BEEN WITH A CHEATER?
I'm sure we all have. No one's perfect, right? ***looks around the room and realizes he's alone in thinking that***

26. TOYS, GOOD OR BAD?
Bad. I'm the star of the show, not some battery powered tounge.

27. LINGERIE?
It's nice to look at, but I mean at the end of the day it's gonna be in a crumpled heap somewhere in the bedroom.

28. EVER SLEEP WITH A CO-WORKER?
No, but I'm trying.

29. WHERE HAVE YOU HAD SEX?
(x) park
( ) church
( ) cemetery
( ) beach
(x) boat
( ) school
( ) parent's bed
(x) your bed
(x) car
(x) picnic table
( ) kitchen counter
(x) couch/chair
( ) dining room/kitchen table
(x) woods (open and/or in a tent)
( ) hood of a car
(x) bathroom
( ) shower
( ) bathtub
(x) the other person's bed
( ) porch/deck/balcony
( ) in a house with parents home
(x) at a party
( ) on top of the washer/dryer
( ) with other people in the room
(x) hotel
( ) concert
( ) grandparent's house
( ) field
( ) bleachers
( ) bookstore stock room
( ) linen closet

30. How many virgins have you "deflowered?"
Never had any rookies on the team.

Blogger Bully

2007-08-22T12:40:00.000-07:00

Let the record state Jameil (insert middle name followed by last name) is a bully. If we were in the sand box, she was the girl who beat up boys in fourth grade. Remember her? I do. There was this Amazonian broad back in elementary school. At the time I was still growing, but I was still one of the taller kids in class. Until Gigantor walked onto the playground. She was at least four to five inches than every boy and girl in class. Naturally as the reigning tall person, I felt she was trying to take over my set and that's just a violation. But I didn't take her down right away, I had to study my opponent. Find out what made her tick and all that jazz. So eventually a few weeks later we were out at the playground during recess. And I challenged her. Remember the game where you and another person grabbed hands and one person tried to bend the other person's fingers back...yeah old school. Anyway we did that...and I ain't gonna front she got me a few times, but I got mine in. So I walked away defeated, but I had my head up. I did my best and that was that. Come to find out after that day, Gigantor started to like me. Apparently no one had ever stepped to her. So now I got this Amazon with some strong ass knuckles who digs me. Even back then I was a sucker, so we "went together" for a little bit. Things fizzled out and by Valentine's Day I was back to my bachelor like ways.

It's Just Hair

2007-08-12T12:58:00.000-07:00

I understand I may be acting like a stereotypical male, but oh well. I was at the crib watching "America's Next Top Model" (ask me no questions and I'll tell you no lies) and it was the show where they were giving these 48 pound broads their makeovers. Now prior to getting the makeovers, the girls were all gung ho about getting these changes.

"I don't care what I have to do...Cut my hair, I don't care."

Fast forward to these chicks actually getting their hair cut. Nothing but tears and crying. You would think they just found out they gained 10 pounds in two weeks. I'm talking Boo-Hoo City. Which lead me to scream all alone in my apartment...

"IT'S JUST HAIR BITCH SHIT!"

I've never had hair past the cartilage at the top of my ear, but I'd like to think if I was gonna get it cut, I wouldn't pitch a bitch like that. So to the female subscribers I ask this...Was all that really called for or am I just a cold-hearted bastard?

ATL Recap...Day 3

2007-08-11T12:52:00.000-07:00

Saturday

Basically I chilled in the hotel all day. We had a banquet to go to later on that day. We normally have one every year, but this year it was different. Instead of getting all suited and booted the dress code was relaxed. My brother and I took full advantage of said code and threw on some polo shirts, jeans and some sneakers fresh out the box (Air Force One's for me). Also the banquet is normally held in that big ass room every hotel has. You know the one...don't front. Well this year it was held at Dave & Buster's (stop the snickering cause at the end of the day it's still family), hence the jeans. But you know how old Black people love to dress up and by fly. So it was only right my grandfather had on his suit with the diamond tie pin in his tie. A special twist on the night's events was to honor the family members who basically started the fam. My great-grandparents (who I never met) had seven children who made it to adulthood. As the night went on people representing each child went up and said something memorable. Of course, my brother and I had been delegated to represent my grandfather. The story I told talked about how when we used to live in Jersey and my grandfather came to preach at our church. And for me, he was always just my grandfather you know, but when he started preaching it was like he became something else. Almost mythical and everyone in the congregation recognized that. After the sermon everyone mentioned how well he had preached. And I was like , "of course, he's my grandfather." So we finished the banquet and I hit the bar. Me and a few family members had some drinks, some laughs and that was it.

Sunday
I finished packing my clothes, said my goodbye's to the fam went to the cavernous airport in Atlanta and flew back to VA.
All in all, it was good times.

ATL Recap...Day 2

2007-08-03T13:05:00.000-07:00

Friday
The night before I set my alarm so I could get up and hit the gym. The Hour Of Power is necessary, even on vacation. So I get up at 7 after a night of semi-drinking and make my way to the gym in the hotel. Real talk, I would've been better doing some pushups in the room. The hotel "gym" had a treadmill and some universal machine that simulates bench presses, incline, lat pulldowns, leg extensions and all the other stuff you need to get in a decent workout. I struggled to make something out of nothing, but gave up after about 30 minutes. So I went to the hotel's lobby and proceeded to have some breakfast. Thank God for waffle making machines. The hotel had batter ready made for you. All you had to was pour the batter into the waffle maker, lock and in two minutes brown, waffle goodness. Naturally I had to spice mine up, so I found some cinnamon and added it to my waffle. After breakfast, my brother came down. Me and him clowned for a minute and then went upstairs to get ready for the day's events. Freshly showered and dressed we boarded one of several vans, hopped on I-85 and made our way to Atlanta. First stop was MLK's old church and his tomb where he and Coretta now rest. Saw a lot of powerful things while I toured this part of the city. Got a chance to see one of King's suits. He wasn't that tall, but hey he managed to make it work. Saw the house he was raised in that's actually right down the street from the church. So we got back in the vans and headed to the Underground. Took some time out to grab something to eat. The fam decided to go to the place that had the longest line with the most Black people in it. Always guaranteed to eat good at a place like that. And the food was rocking! I had some fried whiting with some side order of something. Didn't matter cause the fish was good. We finished lunch and get back on the vans. Next stop...The World Of Coca-Cola Museum. It's right in the city and within Centennial Park (you know where the 1996 Olympics were held).I must admit, the place did it for me even when I thought it wouldn't. Did you know there are more than 70 different kinds of Coca-Cola products all over the world? If you ever go try the Beverly. Left the museum and the little crumb snatchers that were with us were getting antsy so we decided to ride back to the hotel. I wish I could tell you about Friday night traffic in the A, but I definitely passed out on the ride. Got back to the room and was working on my own late night plans. My homegirl from Hampton who stays in Atlanta told he she had the hook-up at this club. I think it was called Compound. So I started getting my clothes ready when she hits me up.

"Yo I got bad news. My sister only put me on the list tonight. I'm sorry."

DAMN GINA!!!

"Damn. Aight, that's cool. I can kick it with the fam."

So there went my chance to see what this Atlanta shit was all about. Ah well. Looks like I'm chilling with Grandma and Grandpa. Friday night ended with me kicking it in a hotel. I know...I know...all that handsome gone to waste.

Day 3...tomorrow

ATL...The Recap

2007-08-01T11:43:00.000-07:00

After V hassled me, I figured it was time to reminisce about my time in the A. Forgive me if I leave a few details out, it was almost about two weeks ago.

Thursday
I went to the job to pick up my check so I would have some money available when I was in Atlanta. I went in there looking real suspect. Basketball shorts...wave cap...white tee and aviator sunglasses. Yeah I looked like The Unabomber. I went back to the house and finished packing. I had two bags. One for clothes and one for footwear. I was going down there on a mission. I went home and put on something respectable cause I know my Mom will talk about me getting off the plane looking like a bum. I throw on a black Lacoste polo, jeans, Timbs and my Swiss Army watch. Yeah, I'm fresh. I drove to my homegirl's place in Hampton so she could take me to the airport in Newport News, cause I'll be damned if I leave my car at the airport for longer than a few hours. So, I check in get my boarding pass and go on my way to my gate. I get to the gate, and start passing the time by reading. I highly suggest you guys read "The Pursuit Of Happyness". If a book is made into a movie, I always read the book first. I like painting the picture in my head better than watching it on screen. So I'm reading and I notice this chick. I think nothing of it until she stands up. MAN LISTEN...shorty's dad must have been a meat burglar because it looked like someone shoved two hams down the back of her pants. So now, I'm tuned in. I still keep it cool cause you know I'm just made that way. Eventually she sits back down and wouldn't you know it, she sits next to me. The minute she sat down I finished reading (I was really done) so I reached in my bookbag and pulled out my next book. Yeah, I get it in with the reading. This one was called "Nigger. The History Of A Strange And Troublesome Word". So I begin reading and shorty notices the title.

"Interesting book huh?"
"Yeah it is. Gotta keep the cover hidden though, I don't want to upset people."

She flashes a smile in agreement and continues reading her fashion magazine. I see the door of opportunity open.

"I mean this isn't as fascinating as what you have, but it'll do."

She smiles and turns towards me. Touchdown. She and I start talking. I find out she's a teacher in the area and that she's going to Atlanta just to unwind for a few days. I also find out she's recently divorced and that she has a child. Normally this would've been an automatic disqualification for me, but it's 2007 and people got kids. No need in eliminating a woman because she has a Mini-Me. I also find out she's older than me ( stop me if you've heard this before). But she's about three years past the new 20. We've been talking for about a half an hour when they start boarding. Now she starts getting antsy, but not because of anything I've said or done, but because she's flying standby and has been waiting since about noon. It's now 2:30. I wait until the very end to board. Looks like she's not getting on the flight. Before I get on the plane I ask for her number.

"Maybe when I get back we can go out to dinner."
"I'd like that."
"Cool. I'll hit you up when I get back."

I turn, walk onto the plane, find my seat and smile.

"This is gonna be a good weekend."

About an hour and a half later, I land and begin my trek to the baggage claim. Yo, for all you cats from Atlanta that knew I was going down there you get the middle finger. You knew how big that damn airport was! You couldn't warn a brother! Dead ass I walked 3,000 feet from the gate to the baggage claim. Yeah, I could've taken the little in-house subway to the baggage claim, but I didn't think 3,000 feet was that far. Consider my lesson learned. As I was making my way to the airport, I pass through some kind of African exhibit. This thing had sculptures...music...the whole nine. I felt real Lion King. So I make it through this journey and finally make it to the baggage claim. Can I just pause for the cause and say I saw some of the finest women in that damn airport? Ok cool. I get my bags and wait for my aunt and grandparents to pick me up. They come scoop me up and the laughter begins. My grandparents are old (Grandpa is 84 and Grandma is 81...I think) and hilarious. The whole ride from the airport to the hotel I'm listening to them talk about everything and Christian radio. Grandpa is a pastor. An active one. He still gets in that pulpit every Sunday morning and preaches. After sitting in that traffic for what seemed like all my adult life, we reach the hotel in Duluth. Grandma and Grandpa are diabetic, so they're on a strict eating regime. So we go to the local buffet (I swear the South has either a buffet or a Waffle House on each corner) and grub. I get down cause I ain't paying and I'm hungry. By the time we finish, my brother sends me a text saying he and my parents have made it. They drove from Ohio. So we load Grandma and Grandpa back into the car and go to the hotel. I hug my Mom, give my brother some dap and me and my Dad do our handshake. Yes we have a handshake...clown me and the back hand is waiting for you. We check into our rooms and let the family shenanigans begin. You know how in every hotel there's that one room that's set aside for corporate business meetings? The one at our hotel had been transformed into the reception room. A few long aluminum tins full of spaghetti kept warm over those portable burners...some salad...about 12 bottles of salad dressing...bottled water...soda...and of course chicken now decorate a table normally reserved for conducting serious business. We go in there and spark up conversation with the fam. Soon after that, a cousin announces that we'll be playing bingo. The winner gets a gift certificate to Wal-Mart. I tune in. $10 at Wal-Mart goes a long way. Naturally I don't win any of the bingo games, but my Dad does. I try and bribe him for the gift certificate but it doesn't work out. Now we switch games and we're playing "Name That Tune". Except for song titles, we have to guess what show's theme song is playing. So we pair up into teams, and it becomes my family versus a few other cousins. WE MASH EM! We beat them like 15-3. At one point they were trying to stop playing, but I insisted on still playing. I love to win, so I was all about keeping the foot on their necks. Finally they stop trying and we claim victory. I begin the trash talking. It was pretty bad. I get really obnoxious when I win, but hey I won so I'm allowed to do whatever I want. By this time it's pretty late and a few cousins are itching to go out and do something. I roll with them to some watering hole/pool hall. We have a few drinks. FYI...next time you go out get a Red Bull and Tuaca. Trust me, it's what you need in your life. I knock back two real quick.

"Damn, you drank them already?"
"I mean we drinkin ain't we? I play no games. This is what I do."

Not trying to look like the family wino, I fall back and let them nurse their drinks. Around 2 or 3 we had back to the hotel and I go to sleep. Gotta get my rest for the next day cause we're taking a tour of Atlanta...

Day Two tomorrow

Shameless Plug

2007-07-28T14:24:00.000-07:00

I'm not one to give props to a lot of people, places or things. But I really need you guys to read my homeboy's blog. Dude was my roommate freshman year of college and was there for all the ignorance, beef and bullshit I/we went through during my Hampton years. This cat is one of the few who knows a lot about me. Probably too much. So I'm just giving him a plug. If you think I've got stories, read his blog. Aight, enough of that here's what's I've got bubbling on the stove. I've been writing...again. Before you get all gassed up, let me send out this disclaimer...pump your brakes. This don't mean I'm gonna start churning out stuff on a consistent basis, it just means I'm writing again. And yes it's a continuation of the previous story so that should prepare you for what's to come. Now I do respect the opinion of my blogging peers, but I have to admit I went outside the circle of trust and let a friend of mine read it. She's a friend of mine from Hampton and is also a writer, only she's in like the final stages of her book and I'm still nursing mine. So I reluctantly sent it to her and...she liked it. She really liked it. I know I kept hearing from you guys that it was good, but here's something about me some of you may not have known. I'm a perfectionist. Anything I do has to be flawless. If it isn't, then I don't want it. So even though I kept hearing, "it's good...oh my God when will there be more" and so on and so on, I had to push the envelope to see if it could stand up with other people's stuff. I mean if you want an opinion on the best seafood in town you ask a local, not a tourist. But I'm rambling and it's almost time for me to booth my show so I'm out.

Karma

2007-07-22T18:06:00.000-07:00

Ain't karma funny? I admit I was screening someone's calls when she and I weren't on good terms. And I didn't know how it felt until it happened to me. I've been trying to get in contact with this chick since I got back from Atlanta. We exchanged a few text messages here and there that mostly ended with me sending her a message and not getting a reply. So finally, I decided I've had enough. Every man enjoys a good chase, but eventually he expects to find his pot of gold. I ain't found gold and I've been mining like it's 1849. So she can fall back, bump her head and forget about me. I'm reaching into the closet and pulling out the cape. Superman is back. Ladies guard your girls. Fellas watch your women, cause they're looking at me and I'm looking back.

WTF???!!!

2007-07-21T14:38:00.000-07:00

I'd like to think I'm allowed to lose it every now and then, since I spend so much brain power trying to keep everything even keeled.
Here goes.
So this morning, I'm about to walk out of my apartment and head to McDonald's to enjoy the Deluxe Breakfast (three hotcakes, sausage patty, biscuit and scrambled eggs).
I open the door and hear some rustling. I look down the steps and see this dude in a red t-shirt and barefoot sleeping in the hallway. SLEEPING IN THE HALLWAY!!! Apparently I woke him up, my apologies good sir.

"Oh I'm sorry man, I'm just down here looking for my earring," he mumbles.

"It's all good man. Just let me ease past you."

Yo, this dude smelled like four kinds of ass that had just been wiped by four differnt kinds of burnt hair. Real talk, this dude smelled like, "OH SHIT!". You know the kind of stench that just invades your nostrils and makes you tear up. Yeah, homeboy reeked. Mind you, this isn't the first time I've stumbled across this guy. A few months ago (yeah, I said months) I was coming home from a night out. I admit I had a few, but I was still good. So I start to climb the steps to my apartment door when I get a whiff of something.

"Oh shit! What is that smell?"

***rustle, rustle, rustle***

"Oh my bad man, I'm just waiting on my friend to come back home. I left the keys to my car inside. My wife's gonna kill me."

"Nah, you cool fam."

I politely stepped over this bum ass nigga and went inside.
The next morning I get ready to run a few errands. I walk to my door, open it and walk to the steps.

***rustle, rustle, rustle***

"Oh my bad man, this guy ain't come home yet so I'm just here waiting for him."

"Aight, man."

But that isn't where it ends folks. There have been nights when I've heard someone knocking on the door adjacent from me apartment. I'll go to the peephole, take a quick look and guess who it is? That's right...homeboy.
WTF???!!!

Back From The A

2007-07-18T05:59:00.000-07:00

Yeah, I'm back. Atlanta, or rather Duluth, was cool. Hung out with the grandparents, bugged out with my brother, went to the Coca-Cola museum (try the Beverly flavor) and just decompressed. Also did a little writing...calm down, calm down. It wasn't anything long and drawn out, but hey it's a start. Now I gotta get caught up on everyone else, so give me time to search some archives and I'll get back at this thing.

On My Mind

2007-07-04T13:50:00.000-07:00

I'm at work printing scripts for my director, audio person and anchors. While I'm at work, almost always my TV is on as is every other person's in the newsroom. Mine, however, doesn't stay on CNN or Fox News. It's on ESPN. What can I say, I'm a sports junkie. Right now "Rome Is Burning" is on. One of the topics being debated is the NAACP's involvement in trying to get more Black players in Major League Baseball. Now I could wax poetic on how I think we do need more players of color in baseball, but today something else has piqued my interest. The NAACP itself. Mainly the name. Let's break this down. NAACP means the National Association for The Advancement of Colored People. Colored. People. Last time I checked we weren't colored. The PC term (which I don't use, but that's a different issue) is African-American. If we're going to march on as a people in a new direction in these new times, something has to be done. I know this may sound blasphemous, but someone has to change the name of this organization. I know the history behind the organization and all it's done for people in the past to get us to our present. I get that. But King, Abernathy and X ain't walking through that door anytime soon. I'm not saying we totally abandon the ideals and memory of them, but we've got to start moving forward. Starting with how we address ourselves.

I Think My Boss Likes Me

2007-07-03T09:57:00.000-07:00

So I came into the watch store yesterday to fill in for someone. I'm not wearing anything spectacular or looking any other kind of way. I'm just looking like a guy heading into his part-time job...tired and waiting to get off the clock. I stroll in and my boss (who is a woman) asks me right off the bat, "Hey Jarrod, do you have a girlfriend?". Huh? What? Can a nigga get a hello first? Can I clock in before we reveal my relationship status? I chuckle nervously, slightly beaming with pride.

"Nah, I'm as single as they come."

"Oh really? Wow. Cause you know I asked (insert female co-worker's name here), and she said she wasn't sure."

Pause. You mean to tell me there was a conversation about my relationship status already floating around the job. Wow. Un-pause.

"Nah, I ain't got no one. Why you asking? You got someone in mind for me?"

"Not really, it's just hard to believe that you're single. I mean, you're a handsome guy, nice personality, you work out."
At this point in time, she's started rubbing my upper right arm. Thank GOD for that Hour Of Power in the gym.

"Cause you I be in here working sometimes and I'll look and be like damn that man is cute. And then I'll look closer and say oh, that's Jarrod."

That's the ebb and flow of my life folks, co-workers psuedo hit on me while I struggle to find a date up to my standards. That story is just one of the things that involved the mall. Here's story two. Same day, I'm posted in the store watching the clock watch me when this chick walks by. Cute, brown-skinned, thick you know just how they should be. I heard the pickup line echo in my head. I felt the words bubble up from my gut, towards my throat and sit patiently on my tounge. And I kept watching the woman as she walked towards, in front of and away from me. Now here is the dilemma, I gotta figure out how to talk to these women without coming across as "That Guy In The Mall". Ladies you know and avoid him constantly. You're out at your local mall going to the Semi-Annual Sale at Victoria's Secret (you gotta know where to hunt your prey, kinda like a lion waiting at a watering hole for a herd of antelope), and you walk past "That Guy In The Mall". He's ambitious, cocky, conceited and in between you and a pair of draws. You don't want to be bothered by him, so you have your "hell no" face on complete with the "nigga be gone" quick step. Now I don't want to be "That Guy In The Mall", I just want to get to know you. This is where you, the faithful reader, helps a brother out. Oh and one more thing, the kid is going to the A next week for a family reunion. I need to know what I'm getting myself into. All of you who have been or are from there give me some info.

Another Interview

2007-06-21T12:41:00.001-07:00

Buford's trying to touch a nerve with this batch of questions. Note to self...don't let a reporter interview you.

1. Do you sometimes wish you could tame your mouth and not say half of the (ignorant or hurtful) things that come out of it?

Yes. There have been times I've said some outlandish stuff to people and wondered why they've gotten mad at me. I'm learning to censor myself, but I'll be honest with you it's a steep climb. It's hard to change who you are, or who you believe you are, overnight. But ever since this whole "growth" thing started, I've become a lot more reserved in what I say. At least to people outside my circle. Now if you're in the circle you've been through the emotional struggle that it takes to be my friend. You've waded through the bull and found a pretty decent person.

2. Why don't you give people presents? I believe in all of the years I've known you, I've never gotten a birthday or Christmas present. And go deeper than just "I never know what to give." That's a copout.

It's not that I don't know what to give a person. I could probably pick out a great present for every person who's read my blog. But it's that I just don't. I'm selfish. I wish there was some deep philosophical meaning behind it, but there isn't. I'm just a selfish person. With everything. Emotions...time...gifts. You name it and I keep it to myself. Is that healthy? No. Am I working on it? Yes. Does this mean you and some other friends should expect cards in the mail at the appropriate time? Yeah.

3. So we all know that things aren't popping like popcorn in Va. Where is next for you? What is next for you? How do you plan to get there (and don't say in a car or something else equally ignorant)?

Well, for right now I'm gonna ride this thing out until about February 2008. 2008 is the year because that's when my current contract expires and plus my brother will graduate that May. So virtually I will have no ties to the area. As far as where? I'd like to say a bigger market. Probably somewhere like Charlotte or basically a city. Not this Hampton Roads fiasco. I need corner stores. How do I plan to get there? I'm gonna just keep pimping this TV gig. I really like doing it. I get a rush out of it at times and other times I don't. But that's the ebb and flow of life.

4. You keep saying you're gonna get your life right before Jesus comes and finds you "butt naked in a hotel room" or something of that nature. What are you doing to make that happen? What's been the hold up?

First I'm gonna put some clothes on. Can't get right with the Lord if you ain't got nothing on. With me, I've always moved or acted on something in extreme situations. Like there are times I won't pay the cable bill until Cox Communications calls me and says, "hey man we're about to cut that service". With that being said, I don't want a major catastrophe be the thing that finally pushes me head first into religion. I want to come to it on my own terms. I tried asking for help before and at the time I wasn't getting the answer I wanted, so I tuned stuff out. I would turn the channel back, but I would always find a reason to turn off the TV. So the hold up is me. This sounds cliche, but I'm my own worst enemy.

5. Describe what you want your wife to be like.

Breathing always helps...lol. Ok let me stop hiding behind the humor. I'd like to say I want someone who challenges me, but I haven't had success with women like that in the past. But I know that's what I need as opposed to what I want. I need a chick who's going to kick me in my ass with a steel-toed boot when she sees me slacking. Don't get it twisted, I don't want no abusive woman cause I will fight you. It's 2007...girls get it too. I'm not gonna say the superficial stuff regarding height, weight and level of beauty because I know if I get a mud-duck niggas are gonna talk about me. And her. To our faces. So physically, she's gonna be solid. For me, the strongest thing is her mind. Can she take me? Because I know I'm a lot to handle. So to answer your question, I want a woman who is confident in who she is and doesn't need anyone to give her validation. But I don't want one so sure of herself that she doesn't need me to tell her she's beautiful.

The Interview Continues

2007-06-20T13:19:00.000-07:00

I'm getting to your questions...happy now? And by the way these better be easy or else you and La are both on the list.

1. The best sex you've ever had. Tell us all about it and what would be the soundtrack to the experience?

What is it with these OD first questions? Ok, the best sex I've ever had was about a year and a half ago. I had blown off my...friend to go to this party. Naturally she was pissed, but I was full of that man pride and didn't really care. So I go to the party and of course it's wack. So I head home and decide I'll try to make amends with my...friend. I give her a call and invite her to come over. I forget what time it was, but I know it was definitely booty call hour (11 pm on weekdays, midnight on weekends). She comes over...we BS for a minute...and then we get it cracking. Now I don't know what got into me that night (maybe it was because I didn't want her to be pissed at me), but I was really laying it down. I'll refrain from describing in detail what happened, but I will give you the duration of the session. At least two hours. Dead ass. Your boy was on a mission. The marathon ended with her cradling in the fetal position. If I had to name a soundtrack, I would say it would be Lionel Richie's "All Night Long".

2. Describe your most perfect day (even if it hasn't happened yet).

Um...uh...give me a minute. ***leaves room for a second***
Ok, I'm back. I think my perfect day would involve me hanging out with my family, friends from back home and friends from college. I know that's kind of vague, but I know in each situation I would laugh, get some bomb ass grub and have no worries. Yeah, that sounds pretty damn perfect.

3. What is the hardest thing you've ever had to do?

Admit I'm wrong. In any situation. I HATE BEING WRONG! It really grinds my gears. Because that shows that I'm open to mistakes or flaws. It makes me human...vulnerable. Sometimes you don't want to give off that vibe. No one wants to admit that, well at least I don't.

4. What is the kindest thing anyone has ever done for you?

I really couldn't single out one specific thing because a lot of people have gone to bat for me. If it wasn't for one of my college professors calling in a favor to her mentor, I wouldn't have become an intern at the TV station I work at now. If it wasn't for Monique, I wouldn't have had the chance to see Chapel Hill. If it wasn't for that girl in 7th grade who gave it up I would still be a virgin...NAH!

5. What kind of father do you want to be?

The kind that is able to relate to his child/children no matter their age or dilemma. I want my kids to trust me when I say I'll be there for you. When I was younger I would've answered and said not like my dad. But that's before I grew up and realized what my pops really sacrificed to help raise me. Listen to this. When I was younger (between the ages of 8-11, I think), I played recreation basketball. My mom worked with this guy who always had the hook up cause he had a side hustle at The Garden (that's Madison Square Garden for those of you who don't know). Anyway, it was a night I had a game, and dude calls the house asking me, my mom, my dad and my brother how fast can we get to The Garden. He asks because he has tickets for us to watch the Knicks at The Garden. Box seats. Oh and by the way, the Knicks were playing the Bulls. This is about 1993 or 1994. That means I had a chance to see Jordan. Let that sink in for a second. I HAD A SHOT TO SEE MICHAEL JEFFREY JORDAN AT THE PEAK OF HIS GREATNESS!! And my dad said no. He said no because I had a game and he would rather be at my game, than watch his favorite team play the Bulls at The Garden. That's sacrifice.

The Interview

2007-06-14T19:44:00.000-07:00

First off let me start by saying La...I thought you had my back. I'm the next in a long line of people who have agreed to be interviewed by other bloggers. If at the end of this interview you would like to participate, feel free.

1. Why do you think that you developed the talent for talking and not saying much? What are you hiding?

We just jump right into it huh? Well, I asked for it didn't I? I think this "talent" has developed because I hate conflict of any form. If you've got someone rattling off at the mouth talking in circles, you're too confused to get mad because you're trying to figure out what the hell I just said. Also I think it's because I'm brutally honest. Almost to a fault. If you want your ego stroked or you're looking for a compliment, don't ask me for my honest opinion. I'll tell you when you start developing cankles, why I don't like your mother and why I hate when your jaw clicks whenever you chew. So to sum it all up, it's a defense mechanism. I hate having all eyes on me...sometimes. I like picking and choosing when that's possible. As far as what I'm hiding, I would say my true feelings about stuff. I'm VERY reluctant to talk about the stuff I really care about. I can tell you a story about the time I learned the Pythagorean theory in middle school easier than why me and (insert name here) aren't together. It hurts too much.

2. Who would top your Maxim Hot 100?
Wow, that's a jump! Um, about a year ago it would've been a tie between Halle Berry and Janet Jackson. But wack movies (Catwoman) and subpar albums (20 Y.O. and Damita Jo) have dropped them out of the top spot. These days I gotta go with my girl Gabrielle Union. Sure she may play the same character in every movie she's in, but if you can be that fine and be from Omaha, Nebraska you're ok with me. If you're an attractive woman and from a state where the number of ears of corn is more than the Black population, you're ok with me.

3. What made you start writing and why the hell haven't you finished that damn story?
LOL...you seem a little peeved about that one. With writing in general, it's just something I've always dabbled in. I didn't really start getting into it until my senior year of high school. That's when I wrote something I felt was of substance. It was about this stripper who had a regular customer. I might post it one day. As far as "the story", it all started when I was listening to that "Trapped In The Closet" series. I said to myself, "Self, you can do that,". So, I did. It was never my intention for it to go past two or three segments. If you look back, the first part can really stand on its own as a one shot deal. But once I started writing, I couldn't stop. I wanted to see how far I could take it, how far down the rabbit hole I would go. There are times I look back and I'm amazed at what I've done. I never thought it would gain this cult following. You know it's crazy when your friends who don't have blogs call you about the characters. I got friends from Maryland to South Carolina pissed I haven't finished. So why haven't I finished? I haven't had the time to write. Back when I was first starting, I was still part time at the station. I had time to devote to it. Now, I'm producing three different shows five days a week. In a perfect world, I'd love to just stop for a few months and really dedicate time to make the story into something worthwhile. But we know the world ain't perfect. So I'll continue to do a little bit everyday, but I can't promise anything relevant anytime soon. Now if you want broken paragraphs full of possible storylines I can fax those out ASAP.

4. What's the biggest difference you see hanging out with your black friends and white friends?
White people don't need a reason to throw a party and get drunk. Think about the times you and your Black friends have been drunk and partying. Wasn't there some kind of function going on? Wedding...birthday party...graduation party...funeral...baby shower. If it involves either gift giving or tears or both, Black people are there and we drinking. Also, it costs too much for us to get drunk. We stay drinking liquor. And not the cheap vodka in the plastic bottle on the bottom shelf. We gotta have Grey Goose. White people will buy three 24 cases of Natural Ice and get right! Besides, Black people can't get drunk and be still.

"I'm sayin, where we goin with this?"

White people get drunk, play Halo and chill. Gotta love Weekend With Whitey.

5. How many times have you been in love? And why aren't you with her/them?
If the first question was the punch in the mouth, this one is the kick in the gut. Maybe I shoulda went with Jameil on this one. To be honest, I don't know. Seriously. I don't know what love is. I wasn't raised in an environment where the feeling of love was verbalized. I'm not saying my parents were/are bad. They're great. I wouldn't have accomplished 1/3 of anything in my life without them. But we just didn't say "I love you". I can tell you I've been in deep like before. That's happened twice. Once in high school and the second about a year and a half ago. I'm not with either of them because I pushed them away. I had an epiphany last night during a conversation with a...friend. In each situation I had the chance to make it work, but I let my pride take over. I had that "out of sight, out of mind" mentality. Truthfully, I still do. That's why I don't call my college friends, high school friends or family often. It's not personal, I just get tunnel vision. If I had the chance to go back in time, I would definitely tell both women how I felt about them. Would it change where I'm at in life now? With the second woman yeah. But Doc Brown and the Delorean are only in the movies.

WHEW!!!
That was tough. Once again I want to say La, you sold me out. If I see you in the streets, it's on. LOL! So if anyone wants to be interviewed holla at me or if you want to interview me, just send the questions.

Eh...

2007-06-12T07:21:00.000-07:00

Today I'm in a funk. You know one of those days when you're body is at work but your mind isn't? Yeah that's how today feels. My mind is really wandering, more than usual. Instead of news of the day, I'm thinking about past relationships, the possibility of a new one and going to the movies. Concerning past relationships...she loves dude. Am I upset? Slightly. But hey, I had my shot you know? I'm trying to shrug it off, but I can't. Guess that means I cared more than I let on. If you're looking for me to dedicate anymore time to this topic you don't know me at all. If you want details, get your Indiana Jones on and start digging. Context clues are everywhere. As far as the possibility of a new relationship...first let me not get ahead of myself. I met this chick at Blockbuster about two or three weeks ago. I was trying to figure out what movies to rent when I asked her for some help (she works there). So she obliged and helped me pick out two flicks...Apocolypto (not too shabby) and Hannibal Rising (two thumbs and a big toe down). During our tour of Blockbuster conversation starts, continues and a phone number is exchanged. She's cool, real laid back and currently the opposite of me. I'm so high strung these days it's a wonder I haven't had a stress/work related nervous breakdown. And I want to see the movie "Knocked Up". I need reviews, though, before I check it out. I trust the opinion of real people and not the ones who get paid to write about it. So if you've checked it out, holla at me.

P.S. Be on the lookout for some sort of interview. I asked La to interview me. Check out her spot to see what the format is. I would've asked Jameil but she's been reading this since day one. She knows too much about me already...

The Value Of Words

2007-06-02T01:27:00.000-07:00

This is something I'm starting to understand. It's kind of pointless to try and talk circles around people who only respond to direct things. People who ask specific questions looking for specific answers don't have time to hear me wax poetic while I try to dance my way out of an uncomfortable situation. So with that being said, I'm going to try a new approach to things. I'm going to talk less. Granted this will be difficult since I like to talk/write. But this is all a part of The Growth. I want my words to have value behind them. So I figure if I stop throwing them around like they don't mean anything, that will happen. Will it be easy? No. Will I like trying it? Probably not. But I've got to try and approach things differently. That doesn't mean I'll start writing blogs that are only a paragraph long, that would cheat my adoring public (I love the ego, don't you?). But it does mean that I might be a little infrequent with posting. I want to be very careful what I say.

Growth

2007-05-25T21:38:00.000-07:00

I think I'm ready. It's comical in a way actually. I've put this thing off for so long, that I've forgotten what I'm running from. I'm ready to put away childish things and long for whatever adulthood brings me. This all came to me during a conversation I had with one of my best friends from back home. I was complaining about how "she" and I had trouble talking. Mostly it was on my end, but you know how hard it is to swallow that pride. So I'm doing what I usually do, talking without saying anything, when my friend stops me.

"J, you've just said a whole bunch of nothing."

And that's when the light came on. See, it's different when someone you like tells you stuff like that, because you can either shrug it off or use it as fodder for a psuedo-fight. But when someone from your past, someone who KNOWS you calls you on it, it makes sense. He was right, all I do is talk about a whole lot of nothing, and hope it will confuse the person enough to the point where they don't want to talk about it anymore.

"J, she's a grown ass woman. What did you expect?"

To be honest, I don't know. I never thought it out that far. I was just living in the moment. Now that just isn't good enough. There needs to be at least some form of a plan that's in effect. The days of living randomly are a thing of the past. I think that's why I was homesick for so long. It wasn't that I missed riding around town to the chicken shack or to the barbershop. It was because I was looking for simpler times. Times when I could just roll out of bed, call up the boys, head to someone's house and just be ignorant...and 19. Well, I'm 24. And I can't do that anymore.

Randomness

2007-05-15T12:58:00.000-07:00

What else would you guys expect from me? I saw this today and had to giggle (pause). Maxim Magazine released it's list of 100 Hottest Women. What made me giggle (pause) was this. Only one of the Olsen twins made the list. Last time I checked, Mary-Kate and Ashley were identical twins. Break out the Webster's Collegiate and look up the word "identical" for me, because last time I checked identical meant the same. How does one twin make the list and not the other? Does one have a prettier soul than the other, because I think that might be the only thing that's different. Both weigh like 47 pounds and haven't acted since they were like 2 years old. Matter of fact, why are these broads even famous. Now anyone who knows me, knows that I abhor (that's for you slackers who put that dictionary down, crack that joint open again) celebrity nonsense. But this was funny to me. Hope you giggled (pause) also.

Perspective

2007-05-10T12:24:00.000-07:00

It's crazy how whenever one of us thinks our life is on a one way track to Shitville, something bigger than us happens to someone we know.
Usually that makes whatever we're going through seem petty and trivial.
Here I was a few days ago airing out my problems about life and the troubles I've got, when I just got off the phone with one of my best friends from high school. He's graduating from North Carolina A&T this weekend, and real talk I'm proud of him. I'm glad to see he stuck it through despite all the BS he had to go through to get to this point. Well he just told me that his uncle is in the hospital right now. Apparently he had a heart attack. At one point he told me, they even lost him. I'm talking flatline. But they brought him back. Now virtually his whole family is going to New Jersey to be with his uncle. That just makes my supposed troubles with work and my life seem real...insignificant you know? That's just one thing. Through the magic of the internet I found out that one of my classmates from Hampton was a real serious accident. Part of her car is gone. Like her front bumper is like 35% there. She survived with no broken bones I might add. It's just crazy sometimes, ya dig.

Update

2007-05-07T15:09:00.000-07:00

Let the record state I was punked into posting. All i'm going to say is Jameil has a way with words. I know I've been pretty MIA since my last post. Believe me you guys, I've been trying to post, but on the real, I just haven't had it in me. Between work treating me like the 2007 version of Toby and my mind floating in every direction, I just haven't had time to commit to a single thought let alone write about it. Well, I'm at work now and I have a free minute so here's a rundown of what's new with the kid.

1) The quarter life crisis is in FULL swing. Despite my absence from posting, I've been dipping in and out of the blog world reading people's stuff. It's too many to tag individually, but just know that I've been reading. It's somewhat comforting to know that I'm not the only one trying to make sense of...everything basically. One minute I'm feeling good about the job because my show was number one at noon, the next I'm pissed cause my entire 5:30 show is going down faster than a $15 dollar prostitute. I jest but that's how I get through. Buford says this is the time I need to reach out to a mentor. Real talk, I don't trust anyone. I've learned a few things during my tenure as a producer. One of them is this, the minute shit hits the fan, niggas reach for custom made umbrellas. Translation, people look out for themselves. Maybe I'm some sort of idealist who still believes in the concept of team and looking out for the next man. Monique says I need to stop boo-hooing about shit and get 'er done (I'm paraphrasing obviously). And Jameil says blog, but that's just because she's nosy.

2) Still living the single life, but that's my fault. You play the bar at Applebee's and you come home with riblets, not ribs.

3) It's weird getting comments from people who don't have blogs about your blog. Has this happened to anyone else?

4) I'm still writing, just not on one specific thing. I got pilots for tv shows to start/finish...my story to get back to...this blog...and not to mention my everyday duties as a producer. The plate is full, but I'm still hungry. I was gonna sign off with something witty and charming, but slowly I think that side of me is melting away. I won't turn into some cantankerous (break out the Webster's College Edition bitches) guy, but I ain't gonna be as chipper. Guess news does that to you.

I'm Done

2007-04-19T01:33:00.000-07:00

In the words of the great poet Popeye..."That's all I can stand, cause I can't stand no more." I'm burned out from this Virginia Tech stuff. Understand where I'm coming from then comment. In the past week, I've seen quite possibly every angle this story has. I've seen vigil after vigil from Stanford University to Christopher Newport University. I've seen Nikki Giovanni give a great speech/poem and I've seen countless ministers give countless sermons. I wonder if I'm in the minority or majority when I say I'm done. I don't want to see anymore of Cho Seung Hui (and yes I can pronounce his name, I've heard it enough times), I don't want to see anymore cell phone video captured by a student (that I might add is now the property of CNN), I don't want to see anymore still shots of the students and faculty who were killed. Understand that I'm in a profession where we suck a story dry, pump life into it and then suck it dry again. Sometimes it's necessary, other times it isn't. In all honesty, I really do feel for any and everyone affected by this, but from my seat on the bench it's time to stop. I miss running normal stories. You know stuff like people falling in manholes in St. Louis (true story) and sea lions getting shot (true story). So yeah, that's my take on the recent events of the past week, hate it or love it.

Insight Courtesy of Tony Soprano

2007-04-14T04:21:00.000-07:00

So I'm at the crib eating some Honey Nut Cheerios, or maybe Cinnamon Toast Crunch, either way I was eating some cereal. I'm watching one of my favorite shows, "Inside The Actors Studio". If you've never seen it I highly suggest you do. If gives you a different point of view of some of your favorite actors. But it depends on who's on. For example Eddie Murphy and Jamie Foxx were pretty damn good. Matthew Damon did a good job too. But Roseanne...not so much. Anywho, this particular episode had my man James Gandolfini on. And it was funny watching him, because he looked nervous...which kinda made him seem normal. Most times an actor would come onto the show and calmly tell how he or she got into the business and the moment they knew they were destined for the stage and later on the silver screen. Not Gandolfini. He kind of stumbled into acting the way I kind of stumbled into TV. Someone thought he'd be good at so they told him to take acting classes. Someone told me I was a pretty good writer, so they told me to try producing. So dude is telling this story about how one day he's in acting class and I think he was struggling with a scene or a character. So his teacher tells the person Gandolfini is acting with to do "something". Apparently this "something" (he doesn't say what it is) causes him to lose it. Like dude starts destroying the set and just wrecking stuff. Once he's finished wrecking the set his teacher tells him that's what you need in order to be a good actor. You need to tap into that violent side of your personality, because at the end of the day no one remembers the nice guy or the cat with "the heart of gold". They remember the guy who stole the crippled kids crutches. So once he finishes all that, he says something that's stuck with me ever since. He said (I'm not quoting him verbatim) at that time in his life he was really angry and he didn't know how to channel it. That's what happens when you're around that age (he was about 25), you're angry because you want to express something only you don't know what it is and you don't know how. And that really clicked with me, because I can't B.S. I have my days when I really don't feel like I know how to get some of my thoughts out hence the long periods of time between me writing something. It's just odd because I never I'd find out someone else like me exists. Let alone a middle-age, Italian actor. Go figure...

Riblets: The Ultimate Tease

2007-04-08T05:27:00.000-07:00

So I'm watching a little "SportsCenter" when I see that Stuart Appleby is the leading at The Masters with Tiger only a stroke behind. During that observation, I make a joke about appleby possibly getting us some free riblets if he wins. Get it cause his last name is Appleby and the restaurant is Applebee's and...well screw it you had to be in the moment. So the joke gets a few chuckles, and then a coworker makes a comment.
"Forget riblets, I want the whole rib!"
And suddenly the light in my head went off, and I realized the riblet is the biggest tease of them all.
Not the cute stripper who "earns" your singles...it's the riblet.
Think about what the riblet is and what you think it is.
The minute you hear rib you think greasy, saucy goodness covering a well cooked piece of swine with a hint of bone between it.
Now consider the riblet if you will.
The riblet consists of the following: 95% bone, 15% sauce, 0% goodness and 15% gristle.
Note I said gristle and not actual swine.
You can't get full off of swine.
It's just wrong...plain and simple.
So from here on out I am eliminating the riblet from my diet, and if you valued the goodness a rib can provide so would you.

I Got Nuthin

2007-04-01T04:05:00.000-07:00

Real talk it's been a long ass week and I haven't dedicated the time and effort to finishing out what I said I was...so consider the next joint postponed. Not indefinitely, just for another day or two.

Birthday And Beyond

2007-03-26T01:33:00.000-07:00

First and foremost I want to thank everyone who used various media outlets to wish me a happy birthday. It really made the kid's day. To you cold-hearted sons of bitches who couldn't send a nigga a text message please believe that right there just landed you on the hit list. I know for some sending a text is like $.30 extra on the phone bill, but just don't get cheese on that burger and it'll all balance out. Ok, on to business...it has come to my attention that quite a few people read this little blog of mine. More than I thought. Will this make me more cautious of what I write? Will I censor myself...NAH! I will however get back in the lab on the thing I was writing.
***DISCLAIMER***
This is the point where the faithful readers say to themselves, "Oh yeah, I was wondering what he was doing with that". For the people that are just jumping on the bandwagon...hit that archive list, you'll find it.
***DISCLAIMER***
So with that being said, new chapter in a week...

Randoms...

2007-03-17T04:17:00.000-07:00

You know I gotta keep it left field. That's my lane...

-I need some more Black friends. Dead ass. I mean I got a few leftovers from my Hampton days, but I need some new ones. I feel like the things some of them do aren't what I'm about anymore. Problem is, I'M not sure what I'm about anymore. I'm not really a club dude like that just cause I'm not about ironing, throwing on the smell good and then getting charged $7 bucks for a watered down drink only to have some hood booger bump into me and make me spill 3/4 of it. Oh yeah pile that on top of the possibility of me getting shot and that equals a night of Madden and Chinese food.

-My birthday is coming up (March 25th) and I'm getting that old feeling again. Not the "oh goody it's my birthday and I can't wait for my party/all night drinking session". It's more of a "sweet Lord I'm gonna be 24!". I'm looking forward to this like O.J. was looking forward to that book coming out. Now don't get it twisted, I'm all about life. Breathing is my favorite hobby. But I feel like I'm not "living" ya know?

-One of my fellow bloggers is putting out her Black Album. Remember how "The Black Album" was supposed to be Jay-Z's final album? The metaphor is kind of like that. Like when Tiki Barber announced last year would be his final year, he was metaphorically putting out his Black Album. He was retiring. Well La has put out hers. Hope you come back in the recording studio soon.

-I was in the crib and I had a hankering for something sweet (pause). So I went to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I went in the fridge...got the whole wheat bread...some strawberry jam...and turned to open my cabinet when I realized I DON'T HAVE ANY DAMN PEANUT BUTTER!!! Why you ask? Because Peter Pan can't keep disease from it's product! Before I was a little miffed, now I'm pissed! All I want is a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with some Peter Pan Honey Roast Peanut Butter! Is that too much to ask for? By the way I didn't put that jam away. I promptly got my other jar of grape jam and made two jelly sandwiches. Sweet tooth satisfied (pause).

I'm Getting My George And Weezy On!!

2007-03-10T01:24:00.000-08:00

That's right your boy is movin' on up! I've been lamenting for months about my part time status at the TV station. Well consider that over. I am now a full time producer. I produce the weekend morning show and the noon show three days a week. The schedule is a little crazier being that now I work 10 pm (Friday) to 8:30 am (Saturday) and 10 pm (Saturday) to 9:00 am (Sunday). What that means is basically my weekend in the traditional sense is a thing of the past. But it's a small pennance to pay for doing what I like to do. I'm excited for the challenge, but also slightly apprehensive because now I really can't screw up. But I'm not going to think about that now. I'm going to relish that fact that I'm starting my career in a top 50 market. I mean this is a place some people aspire to reach in their career and it's my launching pad (Jameil can attest to this). So I'll take sometime to pat myself on the back and then it's back to slaving over the computer. Oh and if anyone wants a business card, I'll be sure to mail them out to ya!

Mall Moments Part Deux

2007-03-05T02:33:00.000-08:00

So about two weeks ago I'm slinging watches at the part time gig. It's almost 9 so that means I'm about to close up shop and go hom. Naturally the store gets packed with people who ain't gonna buy nuthin. Finally one couple decides to buy a watch. The guy has been clowning his girl about buying it because he says it looks like something "straight out of Star Trek". So he's about to pay for her watch when he notices mine. It's a big face black leather band DKNY chronograph. All of a sudden homeboy gets real animated saying how fresh my watch is. Mind you he has on this huge clock of a watch on his wrist shining and shimmering with diamonds. So here comes the kicker. Dude says he'll buy the watch off my wrist. And he's dead serious. He starts off low with $100. I paid more than that for the watch when I initially bought it. He goes up to $200. Now I'm starting to get nervous, but still I say no. Then he goes up to $300. I have to call his bluff.

"For real fam? $300? Let me see the money."

Homeboy pulls out $300 cash. At this point in my head the watch is sold. As I ponder what I'm gonna do with the money he says to his girl...

"See baby, everybody has a price."

I look up at him and tell him I'm not gonna sell the watch. He looks surprised, like no one ever told him no before. I set the right time on his girl's watch, put it in a box and hand it to her. I escort them out the store and then bring down the gate.

Mall Moments

2007-02-25T08:12:00.000-08:00

As some of you know, I have a part-time job at the mall down here. From time to time, business gets a little slow and I'm allowed to sit back and observe what happens in the mall. These are just a few things I've seen and heard while at work:

*Apparently the mall drunk thinks I'm a good guy. So how does he show his appreciation for me listening to how he has to walk miles across town to see his girl who works in Dillard's? He lets me have his copy of the latest Smooth Magazine with Deelishis on the cover.

*I'm getting ready to close the store down after a long day of watching people browse but never buy (I now know how the Asians or Indians feel when we wander aimlessly through their store decideing whether or not to buy the Sour Cream & Cheddar chips or the Salt & Vinegar ones), and I see this misguided hood rat with blue and blond hair walk past me. Let me repeat...BLUE AND BLOND HAIR!

*And finally back to the mall drunk, so he and I are sharing a conversation while I'm once again waiting to close the store. I try to ignore the sour smell of booze and listen to his Virginian mumble. Then, almost out of nowhere, he says quite possibly the funnies thing I've ever heard a person say to me face to face.

"Man listen, I'm damn near 50 years old. And I've had more sex than I've had birthdays."

Peanut Butter

2007-02-19T03:01:00.000-08:00

***DISCLAIMER***
THE FOLLOWING POST REFLECTS MY RANDOMNESS AND ALSO MY BOREDOM.

This is unacceptable! A recall on peanut butter? For real? You don't put a recall on peanut butter!! You put recalls on defective high chairs and toys with loose parts that can possibly choke children. But peanut butter?? Come on man! I had to throw out a 3/4 full jar of Peter Pan Honey Roast Peanut Butter (it was creamy style too...pause). Damn good I might add, if you're a fan of peanut butter I suggest you check it out. On the low, I think this the first punch thrown in the fight against Black History Month. Think about it...George Washington Carver (a Black man)created peanut butter...The plant where the tainted peanut butter was made was in Georgia (the state in which many Blacks are flocking to these days)...consider the color of peanut butter and then think of one of your family members. This situation is about more than sandwich spread, I think it's racially motivated. Just another way for the other man to bring down the brotha man!

Death To Cupid

2007-02-15T02:33:00.000-08:00

Me and that little winged bastard got beef. I'm tired of him making people trick themselves out every February 14th. I get the idea of making your significant other feel like the best thing in the world since red Kool-Aid, really I do. But I just can't wrap my mind around dropping serious coin like that just for one single day. Maybe that's why I'm single.

The Alphabet According To Me

2007-02-08T02:43:00.000-08:00

Good look Buford. I wan't feeling all that creative anyway.

A - AVAILABLE: Yes.
B - BIRTHDAY: March 25, 1983.
C - CRUSHING: Afraid not
D - DRINK YOU LAST HAD: Corona
E - EASIEST PERSON TO TALK TO: My mom. She keeps it real when sometimes I don't want her to.
F - FAVORITE BANDS: Gnarls Barkley, Linkin Park, System Of A Down, Maroon 5 and I just started getting into Fall Out Boy. As far as solo artists, it ranges from Jay-Z to Jodeci to Lenny Kravitz to Kelly Clarkson.
G - GUMMY BEARS OR GUMMY WORMS: Does it really matter? I mean at the end of the day, both are gummy and delicious.
H - HOMETOWN: Roselle, New Jersey
I - INSTRUMENT(s): I played the alto saxophone, baritone saxophone and trumpet.
J - JUGGLE: Nah.
K - KILLED SOMEONE: No comment
L - LONGEST CAR RIDE: The longest one I've driven was from Norfolk to South Carolina. But when I was younger me and the fam took many a road trip from Jersey to Florida
M - MILKSHAKE FLAVOR: I like em like my women...chocolate and full of flavor
N - NUMBER OF SIBLINGS: One.
O - ONE WISH?: Financial and spiritual stability.
P - PERSON WHO LAST TEXTED YOU: Arlesia
Q- QUIET?: When I first meet you yeah.
R - REASON TO SMILE: Just being alive, ya dig?
S- SONG YOU LAST HEARD: "Beach Chair" by Jay-Z
T - TIME YOU WOKE UP: The first time was 1:15 this morning. I went back to sleep and woke up again at a quarter to 2.
U- UNDERWEAR YOU'RE WEARING?: Boxers.
V - VEGETABLE YOU HATE: I stick to stuff I like so I couldn't really tell you.
W - WORST HABIT: Not enough space in the blog to list all of them.
X - X-RAYS YOU'VE HAD: My teeth. And I had an MRI my junior year of high school on my knee. Does that count?
Y - YOUR FRIEND THAT SHOWED YOU THIS: I kinda showed it to myself since I read Buford's blog, but I'll give her the credit.
Z- ZODIAC SIGN: Aries. Aries is the first Sign of the Zodiac, and that's pretty much how those born under this Sign see themselves: first. Aries are the leaders of the pack, first in line to get things going. Whether or not everything gets done is another question altogether, for an Aries prefers to initiate rather than to complete. Do you have a project needing a kick-start? Call an Aries, by all means. The leadership displayed by Aries is most impressive, so don't be surprised if they can rally the troops against seemingly insurmountable odds -- they have that kind of personal magnetism. An Aries won't shy away from new ground, either. Those born under this Sign are often called the pioneers of the Zodiac, and it's their fearless trek into the unknown that often wins the day. Aries is a bundle of energy and dynamism, kind of like a Pied Piper, leading people along with its charm and charisma. The dawning of a new day -- and all of its possibilities -- is pure bliss to an Aries.
The symbol of Aries is the Ram, and that's both good and bad news. Impulsive Aries might be tempted to ram their ideas down everyone's throats without even bothering to ask if they want to know. It's these times when you may wish Aries's Sign's symbol were a more subdued creature, more lamb than ram perhaps. You're not likely to convince the Ram to soften up; these folks are blunt and to the point. Along with those qualities comes the sheer force of the Aries nature, a force that can actually accomplish a great deal. Much of Aries's drive to compete and to win comes from its Cardinal Quality. Cardinal Signs love to get things going, and Aries exemplifies this even better than Cancer, Libra or Capricorn.

You Know It's Gonna Be A Bad Day When...

2007-02-04T08:30:00.000-08:00

your toilet overflows, you're running late for work on a Sunday morning because you're filling in for someone, you have no plunger or mop and you're forced to soak up the water with your bath sheets. And yes, I said it correctly...BATH SHEETS! Not to be confused with ordinary towels. Bath sheets cover damn near my whole body. And I had to waste two perfectly good ones!!!

Greatness

2007-02-01T03:02:00.000-08:00

My fear of being great stems from my childhood. I was one of those kids. You know the one who always knew the answer. But I didn't flaunt it because I wanted to be liked. Deep down inside I think I'm still that kid. Whenever a teacher would ask a question, I and the teacher would look around the room waiting for someone to answer. Funny thing is, I think they were waiting for me to raise my hand with the answer. So the chess match began. Pawns were shifted across the board aimlessly in the form of kids raising their hands in fear and doubt. The queen or king of a teacher would come down on high and tell them no. After watching pawn after pawn fall, the teacher would look at me begging me to end the slaughter. So I, the awkwardly moving yet powerful knight, moved and answered the question. Order was restored and recess was next. So imagine all that manifesting over a few years. What you get is a very smart person, who's afraid to be smart. Because you're always being looked at as the savior. Savior is a bit of a reach, because I wasn't born in Bethlehem. But you smell what I'm cooking.

What Love Means To Me

2007-01-30T00:41:00.000-08:00

I know the title sounds like the beginning to a 4th grader's speech, but it isn't. The reason I took so long with this blog is because I really had to think about what love means to me. And to be honest I still don't know. This isn't me being coy or shrewd, I honestly have no friggin clue. If I had to try and sum it up for you guys, I guess I would say love means...not having to apologize for being who you are. It means that you accept me for me and I accept you for you. To some that may sound like a compromise and that might be what it is, but I really have no idea. For a long time I really didn't convey that emotion, because I couldn't understand it. For me I like to know what I'm getting into before I get into it. I need facts (blame the journalist in me) before I can make that kind of leap. I know in order to commit to the whole love thing you've got to just go out there on faith and hope for the best. I can't do that. I start playing the "What If?" game. "What if I tell her I love her and she doesn't love me back?...What if I tell her I love her too late?" I've been on that side of the coin flip and I lose almost everytime. So if it takes me to be guarded with my emotions then so be it.

Pick A Topic

2007-01-23T03:34:00.000-08:00

I want to blog about something. But the way my mind works, I have dozens of topics running through my head. They range from the serious to the silly. I need help sorting this out. So I turn to you, my faithful readers. I'm giving you a choice to pick what you want me to write about. I warn you, however, with this great power comes a greater responsibility. If you want me to write about some foolishness, don't be surprised when I turn it up a notch. And please believe I will attribute my sources, so YOU will be blamed for what I type. If you choose something sappy, don't get surprised if I make you turn on the water works. Now that I've issued the disclaimer, here's how it's gonna work. First person to respond will get the first topic, second person gets the second topic and so on and so forth. I'm going to do five so that should give you a week's worth of entertainment. I reluctantly hand over my blog life to the people...

"You Never Cooked For Me"

2007-01-15T01:10:00.000-08:00

Those are the words I heard through my cell phone as I made dinner for myself last night. What was on the menu? Salmon cakes (think crab cakes but replace the crab with salmon) and linguini with mushroom alfredo sauce. What can I say, I've been watching The Food Network. So I'm telling all this to my "friend" (keep reading for the explanation), who is going through a fast. Naturally she hates on me for eating. So during the cooking process she says the title of this blog. Before answering, I scroll through my mental Rolodex thinking of all the times I've cooked. And I can honestly remember cooking for her one time. It was far from anything Emeril, Rachel Ray, Paula Deen have whipped up. I made her a burger (in my defense it was a turkey burger so I was concerned for her health). But I'm getting off task. So she said I never cooked for her, I told her about the burger and she agreed. But later that night, I wondered why I never did cook for her. I think I have a reason why. I never considered her as someone I could call a girlfriend, at least not during that period in time. That's through no fault of her own. I had, and partially still do have to this day, preconceived notions of what a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship is and what a strictly platonic relationship is. In my mind you cook for your girlfriend, you go places with her you wouldn't normally be caught dead in, you get her flowers just because, you leave cute notes in the drawer her unmentionables stay in. When you're friends, you don't cross into that region. And for the longest time I thought she and I had been just "friends". All that changed a few days ago when I had an epiphany. I started thinking about the year and some change we'd been "friends". I realized that everything we did together both physical and non-physical was beyond friendship. I realized she and I had a relationship (I've finally gotten over my phobia with that word and all it entails). Long story short I realized she was my girlfriend. Does it suck that I figured out all this after the fact? Yeah a little. Because if I would've carried things like we were a couple and not just "friends", some of the disagreements and misunderstandings we had could have been avoided. But Mom always says, "no test, no testimony". Now that I've finished testifying, I'm going to sit down and let the rest of the service continue. I gotta get out my singles for the offering.

Pizza For Pesos

2007-01-09T03:58:00.000-08:00

I'm not making this up, I promise. We ran this story this morning. A pizza chain called Pizza Patron in the Dallas area says it will now accept pesos and U.S. dollars. Ain't that a bitch? When I first heard this I was laughing, because I love ignorant stuff and this is right up my alley. But then I got to thinking, "this might not be a bad idea." I know some people aren't going to agree with me, but hear me out before you pass judgement. Various European nations accept their own country's currency, U.S. currency and even a universal European form of currency called the euro. So why can't our country do the same? I'm not saying we should make this a nationwide policy. But I do think that states that are near borders like Arizona, New Mexico and Texas should implement this. I know some will raise the arguement that if you're America you should do all things American, like learn the language. I can totally understand that arguement, but I think the country needs to change according to its citizens. Years ago, a McDonalds commercial with an all Black cast didn't exist. Now damn near everyone you see takes place in some fictional urban setting complete with people that look like me. It's not that Mickey D's sold out, they cashed in. They knew that the minority population of America was made up mostly of Black people. So they threw in a couple of fresh beats, added some Timbs and made them some commercials. Now they're focus is shifting to our Latino hermanos y hermanas. Just recently MTV added another channel to its umbrella, MTV Tres. Everyone is preparing for the "Latin Explosion". All I'm saying is, maybe it's time for a change.

Home For The Holidays

2007-01-03T03:20:00.000-08:00

Unlike or like many of you I was sober going into 2007. Instead of being surrounded by drunken, celebrating people I was sound asleep at my parent's house. I had a plane to catch the next day and I was in a town dominated by cornfields, so the best bet was to pack and sleep. Going home has always been therapy for me. More so than writing. It's easier to heed the advice of someone else instead of the voice in your head. It's also considered sane, but that's up for debate some days. It was great to wake up and not have to stumble into the shower as I'm accustomed to doing everday (or is it night) before I go to work. It was great to see a fridge full of more than a carton of eggs, expired milk, various condiments, DRINK, bottled water, some apples, a package of chicken breasts, whole grain wheat bread, ground chicken and ground turkey. It was great eating red velvet cake and Godiva chocolate for breakfast. Long story short, it was great to be home. For awhile, I didn't consider my parent's new place as that. To me home was back in Jersey. Home was a few blocks away from the high school I graduated from. Less than a half an hour from my grandparent's and aunt's houses. I guess I still had that idea that home was a building. This weekend I found out home was a feeling. Guess Luther was right. What I also found out was to not expect sympathy from my mom anymore. Don't get me wrong, she loves me to death and please believe the feeling is mutual. But when it comes to dishing out sympathy she ain't having it. And you know what? I really thank her for it. If she and my dad still coddled me, I wouldn't make any type of forward progress in life. I forget how the conversation started, but I know mom was cooking while we talked. I was telling her how frustrated I was with my job and I was with not being I felt I should be. She stood there and heard me bitch and moan for a good 10-15 minutes. Then she looked me square in the face and said,"Well are you doing everything possible to get to where you want to be?" DAMMIT!!! She always does this! Naturally I said this to myself, because I'm not grown enough to let that slip up happen. Not in front of her at least. I looked her right back in the face, then looked down and to the side and mumbled. "No." And that's when the light came on. I know because I finally started being honest with myself. I haven't done enough to get out of this situation. I don't demand enough from the powers that be. I'm slowly becoming the main character of Ralph Ellison's book at my job. After we finished talking, I reluctantly told my mom she was right. She started grinning and told me she new she was and how she knew I hated how she was right all the time. I used to, but not anymore.

I Wasn't Feeling Creative...Sue Me

2006-12-29T02:40:00.000-08:00

I already threw this up on my Facebook notes/wall or whatever it's called. Just trying to reach the masses.

1. Who are you?
2. Are we friends?
3. When and how did we meet?
4. Do /Did you have a crush on me? (NO SAUSAGE!!)
5. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
6. Describe me in one word.
7. What was your first impression of me when you met me?
8. Do you still think that way about me now?
9. What reminds you of me?
10. If you could give me anything what would it be?
11. How well do you know me?
12. When's the last time you saw me?
13. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
14. Are you going to tell me?

Randomness

2006-12-27T05:44:00.000-08:00

What's the best way to curse out management? And I don't mean in the subtle, "I really think there are some things we should discuss" way. I'm talking an expletive laden tirade with the option to throw something and or hit someone.

Don't Get Wally Pipp'd

2006-12-25T02:35:00.000-08:00

I was originally going to lament about how I have to work on Christmas Day today. I figured for all that stuff, I'd let you guys read some of Jameil's past blogs about that. Let's just say she and I have similar feelings on working on the holidays. But yeah, I was gonna bitch and moan about it, but I decided I'm going to try and turn a frown upside down. Hence the title of my blog. I realize some of you are asking who the hell is Wally Pipp. Sports fans know who he is. Allow me to educate you guys. Wally Pipp played shortstop for the New York Yankees back in 1925. Pipp missed one game because the manager wanted to "shake up" the team's lineup. In Pipp's place a guy named Lou Gehrig started. Gherig went on to start 2,130 games in a row. Thus the phrase that is the title of this blog was born. If a person get's "Wally Pipp'd" they basically got their job snatched from them. I'm treating today like Halloween and I'm dressed up like Wally Pipp. I'm about to snatch someone's job. This doesn't mean I won't be involved in any type of Grinch-dom. I'm just putting that aside for the next few hours.

I Don't #$% With Santa!

2006-12-18T06:09:00.000-08:00

Warning: This post is completely random. Feel free to comment. If not, simply observe it, chuckle and continue your day. But here it is.

I can't mess with Santa. I mean who else thinks it's weird that our American culture glorifies an obese, Anglo-Saxon man who basically breaks into your house and eats your milk and cookies. Sure he leaves presents, but that's a small pennance to pay for breaking and entering. Last time I checked, niggas got jail time for that. Key word here: niggas. I guarantee if Santa's real name was "insert stereotypical name Black man here please" and not Kris Kringle, he'd be getting bread and water and not Soft Batch cookes and 2% for the next 18 months. And since when do we celebrate obesity? All I hear is low carb this and non fat that. Looks to me like Santa should go Atkins. I mean how else is he gonna fit down my chimney. Matter of fact, I don't even have a chimney. If you have a chimney where you live right now, put your hands up. Now take a look around. Do you see anyone's hand up??? EXACTLY!!!

Holiday Theft

2006-12-18T03:04:00.000-08:00

Since I'll be in Virginia this Christmas (there are no holidays if you work in TV), I might be somewhat of a Scrooge. So I'm trying to get some holiday cheer. Good look on the list.

1. Egg nog or hot chocolate?
This is like picking out your favorite child. But I'm gonna have to go with the nog. But only if it's the Southern Comfort brand with Vanilla Spice. I'm a nog snob.

2. Does Santa wrap presents or just sit them under the tree?
Santa wrap?? HA!! That's what the elves are for.

3. Colored lights or white lights on tree/house?
I remember us having white lights outside our house back in Jersey. But on the tree we'd have colored and white lights. We're real Affirmative Action in my house.

4. Do you hang mistletoe?
Nah. Nothing clever here, so keep reading!

5. When do you put up your decorations?
I don't. Bah Humbug, Bitches!

6. What is your favorite holiday dish (excluding dessert)?
Ah man...uh...um...I'ma be a fat boy and just say all of it. I'm all about grease and carbs.

7. Favorite childhood holiday memory.
The one that stands out is one a few years ago. Sega Genesis was still out so that gives you an estimate of the year it happened. Anyway, I got this video game I asked for. I started playing it the minute we finished opening presents. I beat the game that same day and hardly ever played it again.

8. When and how did you learn the truth about Santa?
The year I looked in my parent's closet and saw me and my brother's presents.

9. Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve?
No. I wait until Christmas Day.

10. How do you decorate your Christmas tree?
Can't decorate what you don't have. And imagine me dropping some dough on a damn tree. Some of those things cost as much as my light bill. Christmas tree or light? You decide.

11. Snow: love it or dread it?
I'm from Jersey, son. I love it because it's one of the few times I look forward to writing my name.

12. Can you ice skate?
And you know this...MAN!!!

13. Do you remember your favorite gift?
Nah, but I did have a few good ones.

14. What’s the most important thing to you about the holidays?
Being with my parents. I know it sounds cheesy and so not me, but it's true.

15. What is your favorite holiday dessert?
Mom's sweet potato pie and her red velvet cake. Am I biased? No, I just know hers is better than yours.

16. What is your favorite holiday tradition?
Don't have one. The stuff we do ain't all that traditional. We wake up, unwrap presents and eat throughout the day.

17. What tops your tree?
Don't got one. But if I did, either a star or an angel.

18. Which do you prefer: giving or receiving gifts?
I like both actually.

19. What is your favorite Christmas song? "Jingle bells, Batman smells, Robin laid an egg. The Batmobile broke its wheel and the Joker got away"

20. Favorite Christmas movie? The Grinch Who Stole Christmas (animated, not that live-action Jim Carrey debacle) and Home Alone (I can damn near quote that movie word for word).

Five-Second Rule

2006-12-14T03:36:00.000-08:00

No this isn't the rule where if you drop some food on the floor it's still good to eat if you pick it up quick enough. That's the three-second rule. The five second rule is something a few coaches in professional sports have adopted. No matter the outcome of a game, whether it be a win or a loss, players and coaches are given five seconds to either celebrate or lament. That's it. Then it's on to preparing to the next game. I'm trying to adopt the five-second rule in my life. To make a long story short, I applied for this job. I got called in for an interview. The interview went well. I got a call back. I didn't get the job. Now normally, I'd spend days wondering what I could have done differently to change the outcome. But now, I'm even going to let it get me down. This doesn't mean I'm not going to learn from the experience, I'm just not going to let it define me. So I encourage you all out there to try and adopt the five-second rule in your lives.

I'm Not Dead...

2006-12-11T04:15:00.000-08:00

Hey gang! Remember me?? If you don't I can understand, I've been away for quite sometime trying to be an adult. It's not all that exciting, but hey it is what it is. While I've been out to lunch, I made a few personal changes. Modifications if you will. To begin with I got rid of my tounge ring. I know, I know some of you ladies didn't get a chance to "check it out", but it was a career move. It's tough enough being the one Black guy in most meetings. It's doubly tough being in there looking like a billboard ad for Rocawear. Add to that this piece of stainless steel in your mouth and you have a recipe for not getting promoted. So I didn't want another reason to be passed over, so I decided to get rid of it. Something else new is I now have a part time job. "But when can find the time to work another job? Don't you work crazy hours during the morning?" Here are the answers to both questions: 1) I don't find the time, it finds me. 2) Yes I do, but I'm on a paper chase. So after my everyday 2am to 9am, I go to the mall and crank out about 4 to 5 more hours. I work at this watch store slinging Diesel, Kenneth Cole and DKNY watches to people. I think that's about all the changes. Some things remain the same though, your boy is still single (but always taking applications), I'm still at the station (but still looking for that full time that gig...TV people holla at me) and I'm still writing (I ain't forget about it). But that's about it, just wanted to let the loyal few who read know I'm still here.

Dear...

2006-12-04T03:53:00.000-08:00

I know this was supposed to be a letter I mailed to you, but I believe in whenever you're moved to do something you should do it at that moment. So here's your letter. Sometimes I wish you didn't like me. I don't mean in that not liking me as a person. I mean when you "like, like" someone. If you didn't like me, it would be easier to be an asshole. I mean I don't have that problem naturally, as you've found out time and time again, but if you didn't like me I wouldn't feel bad when I did it. Don't take it as me being around you for feeling sorry for you. I know that rubs you the wrong way. I just hate to make people feel bad. But like I said earlier I have that innate ability to do that. It seems like lately our conversations revolve around me apologizing and you chastising me. I know you don't like that term, but again sometimes it feels that way. And when I say stuff that sounds like I'm encouraging you to go out and live, I don't mean it to sound like you're sitting home waiting for me to call. But it seems like whenever I do call you or whenever you call me you're at home. Then whenever I'm out and you call, I feel like I should be home so you can talk to me. Maybe part of the reason for me wanting you to be out and "have a life" is so that you won't be available whenever I do finally call all I'll get is your voicemail. That would make it easier to cut you out. Don't get me wrong that's not what I want to do, but I've operated that way for so long it's like second nature. And that's another thing that frustrates me. I'm being forced to actually think when I'm in a relationship. I know, it's that dreaded word I've always hesitated to use. But this is the closest thing to a relationship I've had in years. But back to my original point...you make me think. I know that sounds pretty silly. But when you've been manipulating people to your will for so long, and you meet a person who actually can and does challenge what you do, say and think it's somewhat challenging. I mean God forbid I meet someone who makes me think. Also, I think I let the pressure of potentially being in a relationship get to me. I know those things take a lot of work. And like I tell you sometimes (and if I haven't here's me telling you now), I'm a person who likes to deal with things face to face. If there's a problem we have going on, I'd much rather have the conversation face to face as opposed to over the phone. The reason I've always liked to do that is because I can read people's faces. I guess that helps me manipulate people. But whenever we do talk face to face and you call me on my manipulation, I'm stuck. So conventional wisdom would say stop doing that right. That's kinda hard to do. I think that's all I have for now. I didn't intend for this to sound like a gripe session, but I guess that's what was needed to be said. I know it's rare when I say what's on my mind and when I let people in. Well this is why. I know I'm a cold blooded piece of work. And I know I'm capable of having my honesty misinterpreted, so that's why I clam up. So the more you pry, the tighter I get. There are times I want to work on fixing it, and times I don't. It so happens that you're the person who "benefits" from it. Ok, now I'm done seriously. I don't have anything witty to say to close this out, so I'll just say...bye.

Losing The Glow

2006-11-20T03:21:00.000-08:00

First off let me begin this by saying I am tired of being punked by two of my fellow bloggers. I know I don't really update as often as you'd like. But all this ordering me to blog is gonna stop...dammit! Now, back to my regularly scheduled post. I was in the mall this Sunday popping tags, when I came to a startling realization. It happened while I was dining on some fine mall Chinese cuisine. I'm grubbing when I look up and notice this girl. I hesitate to say woman because I wasn't really sure how old she was, and I'm not risking 3-5. But nevertheless, she looked of age. So she sits down with her plate of food a few feet away from me. So we start playing "eye tag". You know where you look at someone and the minute they look at you, you either look down or away. Pretty juvenile yes, but that was all I had going for me. So you would think after a few games of "eye tag" I would man up and go over and talk to the girl right? WRONG! I sat there and ate my food and then left. I give you the summary to say this: I think I've lost my glow. I feel like Sho-Nuff in "The Last Dragon". You know the scene where his hands stop glowing? Or better yet, I feel like Austin Powers when he lost his mojo. I don't know what's wrong with the kid. It's like I've lost my nerve to talk to women. Now don't get it twisted, the kid is still about that salmon, but I'm not fishing with the same confidence I used to have.

Saying Good-Bye To An Old Head

2006-11-10T02:17:00.000-08:00

There are few African-American role models out there. Outside of the realm of sports, music and entertainment few Black kids (especially males), look up to anyone. I can attest to this, because when I was a kid I wanted to be just like Jerry Rice. I know he was from Mississippi and played in San Francisco and I was from New Jersey. But it didn't matter because I thought he was cool. Over the years my view of Jerry Rice as someone I looked up to diminished. And then somehow, also over the years, Ed Bradley became someone I looked up to and respected. Maybe it was the way how cool he was whether he was interviewing Muhammad Ali or Timothy McVeigh. Or how he was the one brother rocking the chin scruff and an earring on TV. You think Stuart Scott thought that up on his own?? Ed Bradley did. He impacted Stuart and he impacts me. Seeing him on TV made me want to get in this business...real talk. It's rare seeing someone who looks like you doing something that people who DON'T look like you doing. Granted I'm a producer and not an on-air talent, but if I make that transition you be sure I'm gonna rock a beard and an earring every year on November 9th in memory of Ed.

Everytime I Try To Leave Somthing Keeps Pulling Me Back

2006-11-06T03:51:00.000-08:00

So I'm in the crib pondering about life in between games of Madden '07. What am I pondering? What keeps a woman coming back to a guy who constantly puts her on the back burner? Am I speaking from personal experience? Of course, I am. We all do. One certain situation plays over again and again in my head. I met this girl freshman year at college and all through the college years we kept missing each other. I was being loose (or at least trying to be), while she wasn't. As the years went on we never really hooked up, but she kept kicking it with me. Nothing seriously physical developed between us. So flash forward to 2006. She's out here in VA doing the grad school thing, while I'm trying to keep my head and self-esteem above water at the station. We meet up again and start chatting. She asks if I have a girlfriend. I say no. She gives me the obligatory confused look on her face complete with her head cocked to the side. ***SideNote-I'm getting used to that look. Is that a bad thing?*** And she mentions that if I ever do decide to catch that girlfriend disease, she'd like to be a candidate. This throws me off. Because all the time she's known me I've been a psuedo womanizer. So to you all out there I pose the question that I continue to ponder between games of Madden '07...What makes women keep going back to a guy?

Grand Theft Blog

2006-11-01T04:08:00.000-08:00

Three Names You Go By: Jarrod, Boogie, Huggy Bear (don't ask)

Three Parts of Your Heritage: Black times 3

Three Things That Scare You: not being successful, dying, being a bad father

Three of Your Everyday Essentials:Madden 07, ESPN, a couch to chill on

Three Things You Are Wearing Right Now: Draws, fleece with station logo on it, rubber bands (for the struggle)

Three of Your Favorite Bands or Musical Artists: Joe Budden, Musiq Soulchild, Jay-Z

Three of Your Favorite Songs: Little Fugue in C Minor (Johann Sebastian Bach), Three Sides To A Story (Joe Budden), Anything by The Notorious B.I.G.

Three Things You Want in a Relationship: Comedy, Passion, Sincerity

Three Physical Things about the Opposite Sex: smile, teeth, booty

Three of Your Favorite Hobbies: reading, writing, music

Three Things You Want Really Badly Right Now: a new job, another tattoo, an Italian cheeseburger from The Chicken Shack

Three People You Would Like to See Do This: Buford, Jameil, any other person who reads my blog

Three Non-Physical Things About the Opposite Sex: sense of humor, personality, bank account (listen gas is still flirting with $2. I might need you to help a brotha out when that gas light comes on)

Three Favorite T.V. Shows: 24, The Office, My Name Is Earl

Three Songs that you have listened to while completing this meme: None. I did this at work.

!@#$%^&* Homecoming

2006-10-30T02:28:00.000-08:00

I had to censor myself because my mom might read this one day. But if some of you haven't heard...Hampton University's 2006 Homecoming sucked. I wish I had a more extensive vocabulary so I could use a word other than "sucked", but that word realy fits. Now the whole weekend wasn't worthy of the word suck. Just one day in particular. I'll get to that in a few. First let me say I was looking pretty damn fly Friday night. That night me and my homeboy Coleman hit up this party. I using the cliche, but the attire was "grown & sexy". Did I oblige...YES I DID! I've noticed a growing trend among some of my fellow bloggers...namely Jameil. She often describes her outfits. Now I don't know if this makes a little womanish (if it does let me know), but I gotta tell ya'll what the kid had on. Blue-gray argyle sweater...royal blue shirt undereath...blue and white tie...gray slacks...black loafers. Not hard bottoms...loafers. I also threw on the silver band Guess watch...the aviator style hater blockers and you I had the diamonds in my ears. Ok enough about that. Friday night's party was jumping. Biz Markie was the DJ. Yes Biz "You Got What I Need" Markie. Dude played some good stuff. So that night ended with a bang. Had me all excited for Saturday's party. That's where this story goes down faster than Jenna Jameson. Starting off the game was kinda boring...even though I ain't go in the game. I heard we only won like 13-3. I basically spent the whole day looking for a ticket for the hot party of the night. I found some eventually. So you'd think my day was starting to look up. Wrong! I had to rush back home to make my "Party Punch". If you want to know what's in it just holla at me...it will get you where you need to be, please believe me. So I rush the punch...take a quick shower and start re-inventing my sexy. I couldn't wear the same colors as yesterday. That would be asinine. So I pull out the charcoal gray slacks...standard white shirt. I know pretty lame isn't? But wait, there's more. To spruce this up I put on a red, white and grey tie. I noticed the temperature had dropped a few degrees, so I threw on the Lacoste sweater just to keep it pimpin. I put on the black hard bottoms...couldn't do the loafers two nights in a row. I left the Guess watch at home and threw on the DKNY black leather band watch. I put the diamonds on again just to blind the haters. Yeah...the kid was fresh. But...Saturday's outfit was wasted. Me and my boy CH get to the spot and it's packed. I mean like they're givnig out free crack on Georgia Ave. in D.C. packed. Turns out the bitch-ass promoters sold 1,200 tickets. The venue held 600. Anyone else notice a problem here. Just to paint a better picture for you guys, my ticket number was in the 600's. So me and CH are outside not knowing what's going on. We just figure we'll wait outside until the line starts moving. Eventually it does start moving. To the left...to the right...backwards. Apparently there was some commotion up front and security felt the need to exercise their right to pull out their tasers. CH ran...I followed him. We talked about it after the fact. Did I get in to the party Saturday? No sir. Did I get my money back bright and early the next morning? Yeah man. So to sum up Homecoming '06 for me...wack. I think from now on I'm gonna keep it real alumni. I'm gonna put on my button up, my nice jeans, some grown man Scooby-Do's (those are shoes by the way) and go to the game on Saturday. I ain't messing with these young whipper snappers no more. I'm keeping it adult from now on. At least that way I won't waste another bomb ass outfit.

P.S. This post was brought to you by Jameil. She punked me into posting. Sorry J...I won't slip up no mo...lol.

Me And My Big Mouth

2006-10-06T15:57:00.000-07:00

So I'm going through Blog-Land on my free time and I came across Trish's page. I recommend ya'll peep her blog...good poetry. But anywho, on her blog a game of "Truth or Dare" started. SO naturally I threw my hat into the ring. Did I punk out and say "Truth" or man up and say "Dare". Neither. My simple ass picked both. The "Truth" part required me to talk about an embarassing sexual escapade. As if re-living that moment wasn't enough, I had to include the woman's reaction. Me and my big mouth. The "Dare" part was that I had to put up two pics: one of myself and one of a random white chick. That explains why you see me gracing this blog. Couldn't find the random white chick...but rest assured it does exist. But enough stalling...here's the truth.

It was senior year at Hampton (all of two years ago) and I was on the senior calss trip. They put us on a cruise and sent us off to the Bahamas. That was some of the most beautiful stuff I've seen in life. Clear water...clear skies...bikinis. So me and the boys are on the beach kicking it when I notice this chick. The first thing I pick up on is that she's crazy tall. Now I'm 6 feet no shoes on and she was at least my height or about 2 inches taller. I also notice I've never seen her before. Turns out she doesn't go to Hampton. She's a friend of a girl on the trip. She and I exchange greetings and keep it moving. After coming back from the beach me and the fellas are grubbing hard at the ship's buffet. Why is it swimming always makes you hungry?? Well we're chilling when old girl I saw at the beach with her friend rolls up. She and I start chatting it up again. Game gets laid down...she succumbs to it...we head to my room. We get to the room and waste no time "introducing" our bodies to each other. So we get ready to do our Marvin Gaye thing...you know "Let's Get It On." I pull out the Magnums from my bookbag...yes I came prepared. So we start getting into it and...you know...how can I say this...the kids come home from school early. So we take a little timeout. "It's all good," I say to myself. "This is only Round 1. That just means Rounds 2-3 are gonna go the distance." Nah chief. Rounds 2 and 3 are shorter combined than all of Round 1. I was defeated. I think I heard one of you guys just snicker...

Recap

2006-10-01T05:29:00.000-07:00

So I did the noon show on Wednesday, and I have one word to describe it...spinning. That's what my head was doing from about 10 up until 11:45. There were times when I wasn't even thinking, I was just doing what people said. "Jarrod you need some sound in your A block, find a VOSOT...this video doesn't match the script talk about it with the editor...you have too much crime in this block, find a kicker...that's too soft we need something harder to start this block." You guys get the idea. It's funny because you think you have a good grip on something because you've HELPED someone do it, but once you do it ON YOUR OWN it's an entirely different beast. When you're helping you have all these grand ideas about how YOU'D do it different. But once given that chance yo're just trying to get the show written let alone add some new elements. I didn't have butterflies in my stomach, I had a nest of hornets. There were times I thought I was gonna hurl, and this is while I'm fielding 800 questions from my executive producer...two or three other producers helping me out...the editor...the assignment desk and myself. It was the most stressful I've been in a long time. And yeah, I'll admit while doing all this I questioned if I wanted to do this full time. And I came up with the answer yes. I like being in control...I like controlling stuff. I just didn't know how. But after Wednesday I feel a little better about it. So the kid got his mojo back for a least a half hour...but please believe the next day I was back on the night shift. This dues paying thing sucks.

Today's The Day

2006-09-27T02:06:00.000-07:00

This is the day I've been waiting for. I'm getting a chance to do a show on my own. Today I'll be doing our noon show. It's a half hour show. Now to people that know me if you were to ask me if I were excited or nervous I'd say, "Not yet. That's because it hasn't happened yet." Well it's happening today and all those emotions are in full effect. I'm doubting story selection before I even pick a story. I worried myself all day yesterday playing out every negative scenario in my head. I was and still am tripping. But I've got to just trust in the stuff I've been taught at Hampton and the stuff I've learned while here at the station. With that being said, if you're in the 757 check in to NewsChannel 3 at Noon. If you aren't in the area, you can catch the show over the internet on our website. If you can watch please do, if not I'll let you guys know how it turns out. Here goes nothing...

Another One Of These Joints...

2006-09-18T04:34:00.000-07:00

I was bored and felt like robbing somebody.

1. How tall are you barefoot? 6 feet
2. Have you ever flown first-class? Nah
3. One of your favorite books when you were a child? Didn't have one favorite. I pretty much liked everything I read.
4. A good restaurant in your city? I really don't know. I've only been here a few months.
5. What is your favorite small appliance? Is a cell phone charger an appliance?
6. One person that never fails to make you laugh? My brother. That nigga is hilarious.
7. What’s your favorite Christmas song? Jingle Bells (I'm old school)
8. What was the first music that you ever bought? Method Man's first joint...Tical. ON TAPE!!!
9. Do you do push-ups? Yeah, gotta sculpt the guns.
10. What was one of your favorite games as a child? Catch A Girl, Get A Girl...dodgeball...kickball...red light, green light
11. What is the one thing that you cook that always receives compliments? Haven't cooked for enough people to get a compliment.
12. When you were twelve years old, what did you want to be when you grew up? It changed everyday...at one point I wanted to be a DJ. Like the kind you hear on the radio.
13. Your favorite Soup of the Day? Chicken Noodle. And I swear if any one of you Negroes starts singing that song as soon as you read this...YOU'RE CUT OFF!!
14. What in your life are you most grateful for? Wow...um...everything man. Just waking up and being able to know I'm awake, ya know?
15. Have you ever met someone famous? I'm hella embarassed to tell this story but ah well. When I was in my early teens, me and my homeboy went to the mall and we met Brandy and got an autographed picture. Yes "I Wanna Be Down"..."Moesha"...I had a sham marriage just so my baby wouldn't be a bastard Brandy. I also met Sinbad at Virginia Beach. Is he still famous?
16. Date Of Birth? March 25, 1983 9:05 a.m. Save the date cause I expect phone calls and cards. I don't need no money in them, just a card.
17. Top 3 thoughts at this exact moment: I could really use something to eat right now...I need to join a gym and redefine my sexy exterior...I need a better job.
18. Three people you're thinking about right now: Me, Myself and this nigga named I.
19. Name five drinks you regularly drink: Water, Peach Orchard Punch (it's made by Tropicana and it only costs a dollar at Wal-Mart), Pepsi, Milk (I like cereal) and drink (not to be confused with juice.
20. From what news source do you receive the bulk of your news? My job
21. Current hair? Waves so nice you might see a ship sailing on them bitches!
22. Current worry? Getting another job before my lease runs out here in VA
23. Current hate? I don't have one. Waste's too much energy thinking about someone or thing of lesser quality than myself.
24. Favorite place to be? Jersey
25. Least favorite place to be? The dentist's office
26. Do you consider yourself well organized? When it comes to my work yes. At the crib...eh.
27. Do you believe in an afterlife? I don't know. Life has made me a bitter and distrusting man.
28. Where do you think you will be in 10 years? literally or metaphorically? I'd like to say in Bristol getting my ESPN on.
29. Do you burn or tan? Neither.
30. Who was the last blogger you hung out with? Monique
31. Are you more optimistic or pessimistic about the future? Optimistic
32. Last time you had an alcoholic drink? Saturday night
33. What songs do you sing in the shower? Don't have time to...I gotta make it to work.
34. What did you fear was going to get you at night as a kid? I was scared of the dark so I thought everything was going to get me.
35. What’s in your pockets right now? Front pockets: Car keys, apartment keys, quarter. Back pocket: Wave cap, free movie pass and my wallet.
36. Last thing that made you laugh? Katt Williams stand up on HBO. You gotta watch it. This average height nigga is hilarious.
37. Best bed sheets you had as a child? Chip And Dale Rescue Rangers. I DARE A NIGGA TO CLOWN!!
38. Worst injury you’ve ever had? Sprained my left knee during senior year of high school during a football game.
39. Favorite song? Little Fugue By Bach. I'm a reformed band geek.
40. How many TVs do you own? Two
41. In the last calendar year, how many people have you told that you love them? None
42. Last person that made you blush? None
43. Best compliment received? Don't remember
44. What song is in your head? None
45. What is your favorite book? The Autobiography of Malcolm X
46. Last meal you cooked for the opposite sex? Shrimp scampi with tortellini...but that was years ago.
47. What songs do you want played at your wedding? All the classic ones...Luther (Big Luther though...I don't Lil' Luther), Earth, Wind & Fire...and of course the Electric Slide!
48. What song do you want played at your funeral? Something that fits. Something that reflects who I was and not just some random gospel song.
49. What were you doing at 12 midnight last night? sleeping
50. What would you like to accomplish with the remaining years of your life? Success, happiness

VI

2006-09-13T15:51:00.000-07:00

Seven hours is a long time to be in a car with anyone. Sure it starts out all good. The two of you are having good conversation. And if you're anything like me, the conversation revolves around a pony or Dora The Explorer. But about three hours into the ride, conversationbecomes sparse. Radio stations once full of bass, snare and bomb lyrics are now nothing but static. Then the inevitable happens...silence. It's then that the real talking begins. Excuses about past transgressions flow freely like water from a fountain. You believe them because you have no reason not to. Why would this person lie to you? You continue to listen intently until sleep becomes your lover. You cuddle up to it, wanting it to keep you warm during this marathon car ride.
"Are we there yet?"
You know the answer, but you having the one your trust tell you the answer in their loving baritone voice.
"Not yet Stinka. We've still got about two more hours."
Just enough time for a quick nap. You sleep soundly knowing nothing will happen to you because not only is sleep covering you, but your Daddy is too.

I look away from the road and look to my right. She's finally asleep. I was starting to think she'd talk me to death, but she only made herself tired. I wonder what she writes in that journal of hers. It's probably full of pony rides and Dora The Explorer. Good. She needs to be akid sometimes. Hell, so do I. I'd love to be young and carefree again. What am I saying? Being young and dumb got me into my current situation.

It was about Charlene declared she was going through with the pregnancy and that I'd better get my shit together. She never mentioned having an abortion, not that that was an option. Who am I to tell a woman what she can and can't do with her body? I say that as man in his mid-20s with a child of his own. But at that time I was a 19 year-old manchild. That type of thought didn't run through my mind at that time. So instead of flipping out on Charlene I decided to take a drive. I figured it would clear my mind. I didn't think it would put a permanent cloud over my future which is now my present.

After riding out for about 45 minutes I got hungry and decided to hit up Jack-In-The-Box. Even guys need comfort food, only instead of chocolate I craved grease. I started to turn into the driveway but it snaked around the corner. So I decided to go inside to order my sweat, greasy relief from my impending baby mama drama. I walked inside and immediately got a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. I don't know if it was from the vomit behind the garbage can or the five guys at the counter with red flags hanging from their back pockets. The guys were trying to flirt with the girl working the fries. I wasn't mad at their hustle. I was guilty of doing the same thing from time to time. I figured I'd give them a chance to try and get a free apple pie out of her. A chance turned into 15 minutes. Now we had a problem. A stressed out and hungry Black man is not a good thing.

"Hey fellas, let me just slide in here, put in my order and be out. That cool?"

I hoped that throwing that trace of sincerity would soften the hearts of these cats.

"Fuck you college nigga! Wait yo ass in the back till I finish talkin'. BITCH!"

I was cool until he said "the B word". I don't know what it is about calling another man a bitch. It demasculates him in every sense of the word. Now present day Donovan would've had a witty quip ready in his back pocket to unleash on this cat.
But this was hot-headed 19 year-old Donovan.
The same one that carried a box cutter everywhere.
I'm talking class...the gym...church...EVERYWHERE.

The one who called me out turned and looked me in the face...kind of.
He was about six feet three inches tall and looked to weigh about 275.
I hadn't hit puberty yet and was five feet nine inches tall and weighed 182.
Hence the box cutter.

"You got something you wanna say mark? If so speak up bitch nigga. If not shut the fuck up and let grown folks finish talking."

By this time the others turned around too and sized me up. They looked at their de-facto leader and then looked back at me.

"Man Terry leave the lil' nigga alone man. He ain't worth the piss out my dick," said one guy. His mouth said one thing, but I looked in his eyes and saw something else. He knew I was getting to the breaking point.

But Terry ignored his comrade and continued.

"Nah fuck that. Bitch nigga got something to say then let him say it."

I stayed quiet and gently put my hands in my pocket and looked down at the ground. My right hand slowly caressed the cool blade with my fingers. I waited.

"I can't hear you bitch. Let me get a little closer," Terry leaned in closer letting his ear almost touch my mouth.

I stayed quiet.

"That's what I thought. Bitch ass, mark ass nigga. Go get you a degree or sumthin nigga," said Terry as turned his back and continued his feeble attempt to get something free from the fry girl.

After Terry turned his back to me, I stayed silent for about 17 seconds. Then something in me snapped. To this day I dno't know what it was that made me lose it. It could've been the stress Charlene was causing me or the hunger I had in my gut or just that I was tired of this guy fucking with me. All I remember is slowly pulling the box cutter out of my pocket with my right hand. I grabbed a handfull of Terry's afro, yanked his head back and cut him long and deep across his throat. I didn't stay long enough to watch his body drop. To watch him choke to death on his blood. But what scares me is that I WANTED to watch him die.

I bolted for the door immediately and threw the box cutter into the reeking garbage can. I jumped in my car and peeled off. Surprisingly I wasn't followed. I guess the other guys inside were in shock from what had just happened. I drove right back to campus. I didn't know where else to go.

I hid out in my dorm room for 13 straight days.
No food, phone, internet, television, water or shower.

On day 14 worked up the courage to turn on the TV.

"This thing should've blown over by now. I mean guys in gangs get killed everyday out here. It's not like he was a somebody," I told myself out loud. I turned to KNBC, and saw a familiar figure.

It was me.
Me running to my car.
Me getting in my car.
Me hauling ass out of the parking lot.
That's when I threw up.
I wondered when Jack-In-The-Box got security camers outside as I heaved.
You get sick to your stomach when you realize you're wanted for murder.

When I finished hurling, I looked at the TV again. Terry's mugshot was on the screen. Under the picture was his full name: Terrance Alexander Hill. The face paired with the name stuck out to me. My mental Rolodex flipped rapidly. When it stopped I realized what I'd done and threw up again.

I killed Charlene's brother.

Need More Time

2006-09-11T06:31:00.000-07:00

I know I told ya'll I was gonna have that next segment posted by today. But clearly I don't. I should have it before the week is over. For some of you newcomers who are wondering what the hell I'm talking about I'm gonna give you a chance to catch up. For the few who have been down with the cause since Day 1, here's a refresher. You're gonna need it.

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

Cookout Conversation

2006-09-05T02:46:00.000-07:00

Female Friend: So do you have a girlfriend?
Me: (smiling)...nah.
FF: Well why not?
Me: I dunno...I just don't. Why is it everytime I tell a woman I'm single they have this surprised look on their face. Can a nigga just be single?
FF: Do you really want to know why?
Me: Sure. I love the truth.
FF: Because you look like that type.
Me: What type?
FF: The type that always seems to have a girlfriend.
Me: (puzzled look)...HUH???!!
FF: You just look like that guy that seems to be wifed up. I mean you're cute. Funny. Smart. And those kind just seem to be always wifed up.
Me: I see. So what was the real reason in you asking me that initial question.
FF: Becasuse my LS thinks you're cute and wanted to know if you had a girl. I told her no, but I would check with you to make sure cause you never know.
Me: True.

One Week...

2006-09-04T01:59:00.000-07:00

That's how much longer I'm gonna need to work on my saga. If you're wondering what I'm talking about...check the archives. If you know what I'm talking about...read them anyway. You might need to refresh yourself with the characters ( I know I did).

Yeah...I Stole It

2006-08-30T03:57:00.000-07:00

I'm a thief...sue me.

Grub-ology:
* What is your salad dressing of choice?
Ranch. Now do I use it on salad? Nah.

* What is your favorite fast food restaurant?
McDonalds. But Hardees is climbing the ladder rapidly. Those Thickburgers are rockin!!

* What is your favorite sit down restaurant?
Don't really have one.

* On average, what size tip do you leave at a restaurant?
Tip??? For what? They're doing their job. You don't get an extra five bucks for coming to work on time do you?

* What food could you eat every day for two weeks and not get sick of?
Chicken. (Insert racially motivated joke here)

* Name three foods you detest above all others.
I kinda stick to stuff I like so I can't help ya here.

* What is your favorite dish to order in a Chinese restaurant?
General Tso's Chicken

* What are your pizza toppings of choice?
Pepperoni

* What do you like to put on your toast?
Strawberry jam

* What is your favorite type of gum?
Winterfresh

Tech-ology:
* Number of contacts in your cell phone?
36...I got a new phone a few weeks ago.

* Number of contacts in your e-mail address book?
Like 10. I don't really e-mail people like that.

* What is your wallpaper on your computer?
A picture of Pink. ( I like that sweet, white nectar too)

* What is your screensaver on your computer?
Nothing

* Are there naked pictures saved on your computer?
Not to my knowledge...

* How many land line phones do you have in your house?
One

* How many televisions are in your house?
Three

* What kitchen appliance do you use the least?
Microwave

* What is the format of the radio station you listen to the most?
R&B and hip-hop

Bi-ology:
* What do you consider to be your best physical attribute?
All of me.

* Are you right handed or left handed?
Right

* Do you like your smile?
After a year of braces hell yeah.

* Have you ever had anything removed from your body?
No

* Would you like to?
Yeah

* Do you prefer to read when you go to the bathroom?
Of course. I do most of my heavy reading on the porcelain throne.

* Which of your five senses do you think is keenest?
Taste...I gets busy in the kitchen.

* When was the last time you had a cavity?
I dunno. Haven't been to the dentist in a minute.

* What is the heaviest item you lift regularly?
My Playstation 2 controller.

* Have you ever been knocked unconscious?
Yes. Got hit by a car when I was riding my bike when I was a kid. I remember going down this hill racing my friend. Next thing I know, I'm looking up at some clouds.

Misc-ology:
* If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die?
No. Somethings you're better off not knowing.

* If you could change your first name, what would you change it to?
I don't think I would. I've kind of grown into liking it.

* How do you express your artistic side?
I write and I sing. I'm like Luther in the shower.

* What color do you think you look best in?
Clear...lol. But I've been told I look good in green and red.

* How long do you think you could last in a medium security prison?
As long as I had to. I'm a survivor baby!!

* Have you ever swallowed a non-food item by mistake?
Pause...that's all I'm saying.

* If we weren't bound by society's conventions, do you have a relative you would make a pass at?
Yeah...and I bet I ain't the only one.

* How often do you go to church?
Not as often as I should.

* Have you ever saved someone's life?
I don't think so. If I have and you're reading this...you're welcome.

* Has someone ever saved yours?
I'm sure they have. By the way...good lookin out whoever you are.

Dare-ology:
For this last section, if you would do it for less or more money, indicate how much.
* Would you walk naked for a half mile down a public street for $100,000?
Yeah buddy.

* Would you kiss a member of the same sex for $100?
Nah chief. You can't put a price on gay stuff.

* Would you have sex with a member of the same sex for $10,000?
See answer above

* Would you allow one of your little fingers to be cut off for $200,000?
I mean do you really need 10 fingers?

* Would you never blog again for $50,000?
Blog?? Never heard of it

* Would you pose naked in a magazine for $250,000?
It would be a spread for the ages.

* Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1000?
Yeah

* Would you, without fear of punishment, take a human life for $1,000,000?
Without fear of punishment in this life or a later one?
A nigga's pockets are tight.

* Would you shave your head and get your entire body waxed for $5,000?
Of course. I could finally be smooth on the outside as well as on the inside.

* Would you give up watching television for a year for $25,000?
As long as it started after the day after the Super Bowl.

Baptism

2006-08-21T03:10:00.000-07:00

So I went to church yesterday. No I didn't burst into flame nor did pigs fly. My mom's been on my back about it, and besides I needed a little spiritual healing. So I get there and apparently this kid was getting baptized that day. So I'm watching this moment take place and some of the minister's words struck a cord with me. I'll paraphrase so I can get to the point. It was along the lines of "Lord forgive this boy his sins..." and so on and so forth. He also asked the boy if he was ready to have Christ in his life. And that got me thinking. Does this kid know what this guy just asked of him? Like that's a big career move. So I kept thinking and I came up with this question...Should there be an age limit when it comes to baptism? My initial and current answer is yes. I just think that a person should understand the responsibility they're assuming once they take that dip into the water. Maybe this is the cynic in me coming out after a few years at this thing called life. I hope not. But feel free to respond accordingly.