Growth

I think I'm ready. It's comical in a way actually. I've put this thing off for so long, that I've forgotten what I'm running from. I'm ready to put away childish things and long for whatever adulthood brings me. This all came to me during a conversation I had with one of my best friends from back home. I was complaining about how "she" and I had trouble talking. Mostly it was on my end, but you know how hard it is to swallow that pride. So I'm doing what I usually do, talking without saying anything, when my friend stops me.

"J, you've just said a whole bunch of nothing."

And that's when the light came on. See, it's different when someone you like tells you stuff like that, because you can either shrug it off or use it as fodder for a psuedo-fight. But when someone from your past, someone who KNOWS you calls you on it, it makes sense. He was right, all I do is talk about a whole lot of nothing, and hope it will confuse the person enough to the point where they don't want to talk about it anymore.

"J, she's a grown ass woman. What did you expect?"

To be honest, I don't know. I never thought it out that far. I was just living in the moment. Now that just isn't good enough. There needs to be at least some form of a plan that's in effect. The days of living randomly are a thing of the past. I think that's why I was homesick for so long. It wasn't that I missed riding around town to the chicken shack or to the barbershop. It was because I was looking for simpler times. Times when I could just roll out of bed, call up the boys, head to someone's house and just be ignorant...and 19. Well, I'm 24. And I can't do that anymore.