Sometimes a brotha just wants to get his thoughts out...

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

I Tried to Keep it Abstract...

I think everyone relishes standing out. I mean who doesn't like being an individual? Wearing whatever moves you regardless of the newest trend...saying the first thing that comes to your mind despite your surroundings or company. But with that freedom comes a penalty. You invite yourself to be misinterpreted by others. It doesn't bother you much when it comes from random co-workers or "friends" who are really on the fringe of being just that. It really messes you up when people who "know" you hit you over the head with it. It's like they accept you, but they do so begrudgingly. It's almost as if they've given up trying to shape you in their own image. I'm not going Biblical with the GOD creating Adam undertone here, just venting. On some levels you can brush it off, because the jerk in you that allows you to be an individual has created this "screw it" mentality. But the other .001% of the time, it bothers you. Deeply. To the point where you're forced to take a step back and analyze yourself. Really look deep into your soul. Questions arise.

"How has the way I've lived my life impacted others?"

"Do I need to alter my lifestyle to appease others despite the fact it may make me like myself less?"

Then the awkward silence happens. Apologies are made. Jokes replace the silence and we move on. Only we don't. The questions keep you up at night, forcing you to confront what's been said. And then you realize it...you're not sure if you like you anymore. But it's ok, because it makes her happy.

2 Comments:

Blogger Chris said...

Deep, my brother. It's tough to put a filter on your personality when your personality makes you happy. Yet when it comes at the expense of those you care about, it forces you to reflect and those can be the most painful, yet cathartic moments in one's life. Tough sledding to be sure.

5:35 AM

 
Blogger Veronica Marché said...

Define "others." Is it really plural, or is it a select audience that you find yourself trying to appease?

That's the key question here. If you're truly hurting many of those around you, it's time for a cold, hard look at yourself. But if you're find you're only filtering yourself for a select audience, you gotta wonder... are they really down for me, or just their image of me?

Improvement is always a necessity, that's for sure. But there's a difference between improving yourself and trying to fit yourself into an audience's box.

Don't be in the box. Because then people will turn the crank at their leisure... and out you'll pop, looking like a jack.

12:43 PM

 

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