I Think My Boss Likes Me

So I came into the watch store yesterday to fill in for someone. I'm not wearing anything spectacular or looking any other kind of way. I'm just looking like a guy heading into his part-time job...tired and waiting to get off the clock. I stroll in and my boss (who is a woman) asks me right off the bat, "Hey Jarrod, do you have a girlfriend?". Huh? What? Can a nigga get a hello first? Can I clock in before we reveal my relationship status? I chuckle nervously, slightly beaming with pride.

"Nah, I'm as single as they come."

"Oh really? Wow. Cause you know I asked (insert female co-worker's name here), and she said she wasn't sure."

Pause. You mean to tell me there was a conversation about my relationship status already floating around the job. Wow. Un-pause.

"Nah, I ain't got no one. Why you asking? You got someone in mind for me?"

"Not really, it's just hard to believe that you're single. I mean, you're a handsome guy, nice personality, you work out."
At this point in time, she's started rubbing my upper right arm. Thank GOD for that Hour Of Power in the gym.

"Cause you I be in here working sometimes and I'll look and be like damn that man is cute. And then I'll look closer and say oh, that's Jarrod."

That's the ebb and flow of my life folks, co-workers psuedo hit on me while I struggle to find a date up to my standards. That story is just one of the things that involved the mall. Here's story two. Same day, I'm posted in the store watching the clock watch me when this chick walks by. Cute, brown-skinned, thick you know just how they should be. I heard the pickup line echo in my head. I felt the words bubble up from my gut, towards my throat and sit patiently on my tounge. And I kept watching the woman as she walked towards, in front of and away from me. Now here is the dilemma, I gotta figure out how to talk to these women without coming across as "That Guy In The Mall". Ladies you know and avoid him constantly. You're out at your local mall going to the Semi-Annual Sale at Victoria's Secret (you gotta know where to hunt your prey, kinda like a lion waiting at a watering hole for a herd of antelope), and you walk past "That Guy In The Mall". He's ambitious, cocky, conceited and in between you and a pair of draws. You don't want to be bothered by him, so you have your "hell no" face on complete with the "nigga be gone" quick step. Now I don't want to be "That Guy In The Mall", I just want to get to know you. This is where you, the faithful reader, helps a brother out. Oh and one more thing, the kid is going to the A next week for a family reunion. I need to know what I'm getting myself into. All of you who have been or are from there give me some info.