Boomerang

I'm glad you're coming back. I just wish it wasn't now. Had it been like a few months after you left that you decided to come back home, I could deal. Because the feelings would still be fresh. But if that's the case, would the understanding I have now due to the past have developed? What I mean is you leaving and us not being us actually helped me. You know? I needed to see what kind of person I was. And now that you're coming back, it's like you'll be seeing a whole new me. At least I hope. It'll be easy to fall back into the habit. But honestly, I don't know if that's Growth. Yeah, I'm back on that kick. Growth was you bitching me out on the phone and me saying fuck you (I said it in my head, so that may be why it's new to you). Growth was me finally calling Old Man River by his name because I knew you two were "us" instead of me and you being "us". And now it's Growth that has me apprehensive about how to feel about this. Nothing more would make me happier than to have you back in my life the way it was. But that wouldn't be Growth, that would be you taking a step back. I know, I know stop being so selfless, but at the core of who I am, that's who I am. I want what's best for you. If that means us starting like we did the first 10 days, I might have to say no. My penis will hate me for it, but the rest of me knows it's best. Will we have this conversation face to face? I doubt it. But it's necessary to get this out in some form. Maybe one of your friends who reads this is smart. But I pray she's dense.