Part 3

Now most guys would've been thinking of a way to get Nurse Jenkins' caramel body spread eagle on their bed. I was thinking it too, but I was also thinking of a way to knock her down a few pegs. I was getting ready to begin my verbal tirade when...
"DADDY!!!"
Kiara jumped out of the orange plastic that sat next to Nurse Jenkins' desk and made a bee line for me. She wrapped her frame around my leg and squeezed until my quad became numb.
"You don't seem all that sick to me. What happened to the stomach ache that got me here in the first place?"
Kiara looked up at me with an "Oh shit he's got me" look in her eyes.
"Just seeing you made me feel better again Daddy. See what the power of love can do?"
I had to chuckle at my six going on 60-year-old daughter. I told you she was her father's daughter didn't I?
"Excuse me Mr. Hodges, but there are some forms you have to fill out before I can let Kiara leave the building."
Clearly Nurse Jenkins had had her fill of mine and Kiara's witty banter.
"Forgive me for being rude. It's rare when I get to have such intellectual conversation with another person." I burned a hole in her cornea while I said this. "Some people don't know how to speak at such an advanced level."
She didn't blink or hesitate to shoot a snide comment back at me.
"So sad that your idea of a person with advanced conversation skills is a six-year-old."
Did she just say that?? Does she know what she's just done to herself?? I calmly unlatched Kiara from my leg. I would need all my blood circulating before I destroyed this woman.
"Stinka-Bear go sit outside so I can fill out these forms for Nurse Jenkins."
"Daddy do I have to," she looked up at me with her huge hazel eyes. Normally that would make me melt. Normally.
"You want to go to class or do you want to go home?"
She saw my eyes flash and heard the thunderclap that my voice had transformed into.
"Yes sir," she said as she let gravity take over her head and let it drop. She walked out of the office with her Dora The Explorer sneakers sliding across the floor.
"And what did I say about sliding your feet? If you gonna do that do it barefoot and not in no tennis shoes I spent $55 on!"
The thunderclap voice was in full effect now. I could still hear the echo it made. From the corner of my eye I even saw Nurse Jenkins wince.
"Yes sir," she whispered as she promptly walked out of the office and gently closed the door. She knew slamming it would push me over the top. Now I was too angry to verbally attack this hack of a nurse. I was taught to "kill 'em with kindness". Now Nurse Jenkins would have the upper hand. The minute Kiara closed the door me and the caramel-colored nurse made eye contact. I felt the hair raise on the back of my neck. I saw her body start to tense up.
"First of all, where do you get off talking to me in that tone of voice? Do you have any conversation skills or did you skip that class at Vallejo Community College?"
For most of my arguments that would've been a first-round knockout, but for Nurse Jenkins must've been the norm because she came back with a quick jab.
"You would stoop to insulting someone else's education. Did you have a tough time in school? Awwwww. Let me guess, you were one of those kids who just sat in the back and didn't try weren't you?"
I could see this was going to get ugly.

Keepin It Gangsta

This year's gangsta of the year award goes to...Saddam Hussein!! Before I get all this "I Hate America" hate mail, let me explain. For those of you who do or don't know, the former dictaor/president of Iraq is being put on trial for the execution of roughly 140 Shiite Muslims. Now throughout the trial Saddam has made claims that he has been mistreated. He claims he has no clean clothes, no means to exercise and no cigarettes. So finally yesterday while in court, Saddam says he refuses to show up in court anymore until he gets the respect he feels he deserves. Well today is upon us and surprise, surprise Saddam didn't show. That's gangsta! How do you not show up to your own trial???!!!! I mean he did tell them he wasn't going to show up, so it's not like it caught the judge of guard...but how do you not show up for your own trial??? I mean we say we those types of things all the time. "I ain't goin to work today. They can kiss my ass!" But sure enoughyou get your psuedo-militant ass out of bed and go to work. You might be late, but you're there. Here's where it gets crazier. His defense team showed up in full force (minus the 2 or 3 that have already been killed). I can just imagine how the convo between the defense attorneys and the judge.

Judge: Where's Saddam?
Attorneys: (look at each other)...he said he wasn't coming.
Judge: I thought he was just joking...
Attorneys: Nah, he was serious.
Judge: Well do you know where he is? What time he might come in?
Attoneys: Well we know what time he ain't coming in. That would be now. As far as where he is...nah.

This is why Saddam Hussein gets "Gangsta Of The Year". If you all out there have any other nominees please tell me who they are and why you feel they should get this prestigious award. The best results will get a shout out in the next blog. And don't think I forgot about my little saga. I'm still working on that character development. Once again any ideas aer greatly appreciated.

"If you don't have any enemies, you aren't successful enough."

New Draws And Some Mo Shit...

Ok so I bought some new underwear yesterday. It may not seem like a big deal to whoever is reading this, but to me it's a big step. I'm not gonna play myself and put out there the last time I bought some draws, but let's just say it's been a minute. Nevertheless, I bought them at the most random K-Mart in the city of Hampton. The reason...I really didn't want anyone seeing me buying my draws. I mean how is gonna look if I'm in let's say Target and I got the new Floetry CD (which is CRACK by the way), some Altoid gum and two 3 packs of Hanes. I mean women have it easy. There are stores designed to sell you underwear. If there were a store that sold only wife beaters, draws and socks it would be great. ***SideNote-Who came up with the term wifebeater? Was it something Ike Turner created so he could have more range of motion on his back hand?
Ok, enough of the jovial stuff. Here's one of my rare serious moments. Today is December 1st also known as World AIDS Day. Now in my past I wouldn't give two ounces of emotion on this day. However, after being tested for HIV (Results were negative by the way) and having to wait that week for those results I have a new perspective on AIDS. I'm not saying I'm going to go out and be a champion for finding a cure. But I am more aware that this is a fight that we don't seem to be winning. Just felt like saying that. I'll holla when I holla...