Growth

I think I'm ready. It's comical in a way actually. I've put this thing off for so long, that I've forgotten what I'm running from. I'm ready to put away childish things and long for whatever adulthood brings me. This all came to me during a conversation I had with one of my best friends from back home. I was complaining about how "she" and I had trouble talking. Mostly it was on my end, but you know how hard it is to swallow that pride. So I'm doing what I usually do, talking without saying anything, when my friend stops me.

"J, you've just said a whole bunch of nothing."

And that's when the light came on. See, it's different when someone you like tells you stuff like that, because you can either shrug it off or use it as fodder for a psuedo-fight. But when someone from your past, someone who KNOWS you calls you on it, it makes sense. He was right, all I do is talk about a whole lot of nothing, and hope it will confuse the person enough to the point where they don't want to talk about it anymore.

"J, she's a grown ass woman. What did you expect?"

To be honest, I don't know. I never thought it out that far. I was just living in the moment. Now that just isn't good enough. There needs to be at least some form of a plan that's in effect. The days of living randomly are a thing of the past. I think that's why I was homesick for so long. It wasn't that I missed riding around town to the chicken shack or to the barbershop. It was because I was looking for simpler times. Times when I could just roll out of bed, call up the boys, head to someone's house and just be ignorant...and 19. Well, I'm 24. And I can't do that anymore.

Randomness

What else would you guys expect from me? I saw this today and had to giggle (pause). Maxim Magazine released it's list of 100 Hottest Women. What made me giggle (pause) was this. Only one of the Olsen twins made the list. Last time I checked, Mary-Kate and Ashley were identical twins. Break out the Webster's Collegiate and look up the word "identical" for me, because last time I checked identical meant the same. How does one twin make the list and not the other? Does one have a prettier soul than the other, because I think that might be the only thing that's different. Both weigh like 47 pounds and haven't acted since they were like 2 years old. Matter of fact, why are these broads even famous. Now anyone who knows me, knows that I abhor (that's for you slackers who put that dictionary down, crack that joint open again) celebrity nonsense. But this was funny to me. Hope you giggled (pause) also.

Perspective

It's crazy how whenever one of us thinks our life is on a one way track to Shitville, something bigger than us happens to someone we know.
Usually that makes whatever we're going through seem petty and trivial.
Here I was a few days ago airing out my problems about life and the troubles I've got, when I just got off the phone with one of my best friends from high school. He's graduating from North Carolina A&T this weekend, and real talk I'm proud of him. I'm glad to see he stuck it through despite all the BS he had to go through to get to this point. Well he just told me that his uncle is in the hospital right now. Apparently he had a heart attack. At one point he told me, they even lost him. I'm talking flatline. But they brought him back. Now virtually his whole family is going to New Jersey to be with his uncle. That just makes my supposed troubles with work and my life seem real...insignificant you know? That's just one thing. Through the magic of the internet I found out that one of my classmates from Hampton was a real serious accident. Part of her car is gone. Like her front bumper is like 35% there. She survived with no broken bones I might add. It's just crazy sometimes, ya dig.

Update

Let the record state I was punked into posting. All i'm going to say is Jameil has a way with words. I know I've been pretty MIA since my last post. Believe me you guys, I've been trying to post, but on the real, I just haven't had it in me. Between work treating me like the 2007 version of Toby and my mind floating in every direction, I just haven't had time to commit to a single thought let alone write about it. Well, I'm at work now and I have a free minute so here's a rundown of what's new with the kid.

1) The quarter life crisis is in FULL swing. Despite my absence from posting, I've been dipping in and out of the blog world reading people's stuff. It's too many to tag individually, but just know that I've been reading. It's somewhat comforting to know that I'm not the only one trying to make sense of...everything basically. One minute I'm feeling good about the job because my show was number one at noon, the next I'm pissed cause my entire 5:30 show is going down faster than a $15 dollar prostitute. I jest but that's how I get through. Buford says this is the time I need to reach out to a mentor. Real talk, I don't trust anyone. I've learned a few things during my tenure as a producer. One of them is this, the minute shit hits the fan, niggas reach for custom made umbrellas. Translation, people look out for themselves. Maybe I'm some sort of idealist who still believes in the concept of team and looking out for the next man. Monique says I need to stop boo-hooing about shit and get 'er done (I'm paraphrasing obviously). And Jameil says blog, but that's just because she's nosy.

2) Still living the single life, but that's my fault. You play the bar at Applebee's and you come home with riblets, not ribs.

3) It's weird getting comments from people who don't have blogs about your blog. Has this happened to anyone else?

4) I'm still writing, just not on one specific thing. I got pilots for tv shows to start/finish...my story to get back to...this blog...and not to mention my everyday duties as a producer. The plate is full, but I'm still hungry. I was gonna sign off with something witty and charming, but slowly I think that side of me is melting away. I won't turn into some cantankerous (break out the Webster's College Edition bitches) guy, but I ain't gonna be as chipper. Guess news does that to you.