Mall Moments

As some of you know, I have a part-time job at the mall down here. From time to time, business gets a little slow and I'm allowed to sit back and observe what happens in the mall. These are just a few things I've seen and heard while at work:

*Apparently the mall drunk thinks I'm a good guy. So how does he show his appreciation for me listening to how he has to walk miles across town to see his girl who works in Dillard's? He lets me have his copy of the latest Smooth Magazine with Deelishis on the cover.

*I'm getting ready to close the store down after a long day of watching people browse but never buy (I now know how the Asians or Indians feel when we wander aimlessly through their store decideing whether or not to buy the Sour Cream & Cheddar chips or the Salt & Vinegar ones), and I see this misguided hood rat with blue and blond hair walk past me. Let me repeat...BLUE AND BLOND HAIR!

*And finally back to the mall drunk, so he and I are sharing a conversation while I'm once again waiting to close the store. I try to ignore the sour smell of booze and listen to his Virginian mumble. Then, almost out of nowhere, he says quite possibly the funnies thing I've ever heard a person say to me face to face.

"Man listen, I'm damn near 50 years old. And I've had more sex than I've had birthdays."

Peanut Butter

***DISCLAIMER***
THE FOLLOWING POST REFLECTS MY RANDOMNESS AND ALSO MY BOREDOM.

This is unacceptable! A recall on peanut butter? For real? You don't put a recall on peanut butter!! You put recalls on defective high chairs and toys with loose parts that can possibly choke children. But peanut butter?? Come on man! I had to throw out a 3/4 full jar of Peter Pan Honey Roast Peanut Butter (it was creamy style too...pause). Damn good I might add, if you're a fan of peanut butter I suggest you check it out. On the low, I think this the first punch thrown in the fight against Black History Month. Think about it...George Washington Carver (a Black man)created peanut butter...The plant where the tainted peanut butter was made was in Georgia (the state in which many Blacks are flocking to these days)...consider the color of peanut butter and then think of one of your family members. This situation is about more than sandwich spread, I think it's racially motivated. Just another way for the other man to bring down the brotha man!

Death To Cupid

Me and that little winged bastard got beef. I'm tired of him making people trick themselves out every February 14th. I get the idea of making your significant other feel like the best thing in the world since red Kool-Aid, really I do. But I just can't wrap my mind around dropping serious coin like that just for one single day. Maybe that's why I'm single.

The Alphabet According To Me

Good look Buford. I wan't feeling all that creative anyway.


A - AVAILABLE: Yes.
B - BIRTHDAY: March 25, 1983.
C - CRUSHING: Afraid not
D - DRINK YOU LAST HAD: Corona
E - EASIEST PERSON TO TALK TO: My mom. She keeps it real when sometimes I don't want her to.
F - FAVORITE BANDS: Gnarls Barkley, Linkin Park, System Of A Down, Maroon 5 and I just started getting into Fall Out Boy. As far as solo artists, it ranges from Jay-Z to Jodeci to Lenny Kravitz to Kelly Clarkson.
G - GUMMY BEARS OR GUMMY WORMS: Does it really matter? I mean at the end of the day, both are gummy and delicious.
H - HOMETOWN: Roselle, New Jersey
I - INSTRUMENT(s): I played the alto saxophone, baritone saxophone and trumpet.
J - JUGGLE: Nah.
K - KILLED SOMEONE: No comment
L - LONGEST CAR RIDE: The longest one I've driven was from Norfolk to South Carolina. But when I was younger me and the fam took many a road trip from Jersey to Florida
M - MILKSHAKE FLAVOR: I like em like my women...chocolate and full of flavor
N - NUMBER OF SIBLINGS: One.
O - ONE WISH?: Financial and spiritual stability.
P - PERSON WHO LAST TEXTED YOU: Arlesia
Q- QUIET?: When I first meet you yeah.
R - REASON TO SMILE: Just being alive, ya dig?
S- SONG YOU LAST HEARD: "Beach Chair" by Jay-Z
T - TIME YOU WOKE UP: The first time was 1:15 this morning. I went back to sleep and woke up again at a quarter to 2.
U- UNDERWEAR YOU'RE WEARING?: Boxers.
V - VEGETABLE YOU HATE: I stick to stuff I like so I couldn't really tell you.
W - WORST HABIT: Not enough space in the blog to list all of them.
X - X-RAYS YOU'VE HAD: My teeth. And I had an MRI my junior year of high school on my knee. Does that count?
Y - YOUR FRIEND THAT SHOWED YOU THIS: I kinda showed it to myself since I read Buford's blog, but I'll give her the credit.
Z- ZODIAC SIGN: Aries. Aries is the first Sign of the Zodiac, and that's pretty much how those born under this Sign see themselves: first. Aries are the leaders of the pack, first in line to get things going. Whether or not everything gets done is another question altogether, for an Aries prefers to initiate rather than to complete. Do you have a project needing a kick-start? Call an Aries, by all means. The leadership displayed by Aries is most impressive, so don't be surprised if they can rally the troops against seemingly insurmountable odds -- they have that kind of personal magnetism. An Aries won't shy away from new ground, either. Those born under this Sign are often called the pioneers of the Zodiac, and it's their fearless trek into the unknown that often wins the day. Aries is a bundle of energy and dynamism, kind of like a Pied Piper, leading people along with its charm and charisma. The dawning of a new day -- and all of its possibilities -- is pure bliss to an Aries.
The symbol of Aries is the Ram, and that's both good and bad news. Impulsive Aries might be tempted to ram their ideas down everyone's throats without even bothering to ask if they want to know. It's these times when you may wish Aries's Sign's symbol were a more subdued creature, more lamb than ram perhaps. You're not likely to convince the Ram to soften up; these folks are blunt and to the point. Along with those qualities comes the sheer force of the Aries nature, a force that can actually accomplish a great deal. Much of Aries's drive to compete and to win comes from its Cardinal Quality. Cardinal Signs love to get things going, and Aries exemplifies this even better than Cancer, Libra or Capricorn.

You Know It's Gonna Be A Bad Day When...

your toilet overflows, you're running late for work on a Sunday morning because you're filling in for someone, you have no plunger or mop and you're forced to soak up the water with your bath sheets. And yes, I said it correctly...BATH SHEETS! Not to be confused with ordinary towels. Bath sheets cover damn near my whole body. And I had to waste two perfectly good ones!!!

Greatness

My fear of being great stems from my childhood. I was one of those kids. You know the one who always knew the answer. But I didn't flaunt it because I wanted to be liked. Deep down inside I think I'm still that kid. Whenever a teacher would ask a question, I and the teacher would look around the room waiting for someone to answer. Funny thing is, I think they were waiting for me to raise my hand with the answer. So the chess match began. Pawns were shifted across the board aimlessly in the form of kids raising their hands in fear and doubt. The queen or king of a teacher would come down on high and tell them no. After watching pawn after pawn fall, the teacher would look at me begging me to end the slaughter. So I, the awkwardly moving yet powerful knight, moved and answered the question. Order was restored and recess was next. So imagine all that manifesting over a few years. What you get is a very smart person, who's afraid to be smart. Because you're always being looked at as the savior. Savior is a bit of a reach, because I wasn't born in Bethlehem. But you smell what I'm cooking.