Another Interview

Buford's trying to touch a nerve with this batch of questions. Note to self...don't let a reporter interview you.

1. Do you sometimes wish you could tame your mouth and not say half of the (ignorant or hurtful) things that come out of it?

Yes. There have been times I've said some outlandish stuff to people and wondered why they've gotten mad at me. I'm learning to censor myself, but I'll be honest with you it's a steep climb. It's hard to change who you are, or who you believe you are, overnight. But ever since this whole "growth" thing started, I've become a lot more reserved in what I say. At least to people outside my circle. Now if you're in the circle you've been through the emotional struggle that it takes to be my friend. You've waded through the bull and found a pretty decent person.

2. Why don't you give people presents? I believe in all of the years I've known you, I've never gotten a birthday or Christmas present. And go deeper than just "I never know what to give." That's a copout.

It's not that I don't know what to give a person. I could probably pick out a great present for every person who's read my blog. But it's that I just don't. I'm selfish. I wish there was some deep philosophical meaning behind it, but there isn't. I'm just a selfish person. With everything. Emotions...time...gifts. You name it and I keep it to myself. Is that healthy? No. Am I working on it? Yes. Does this mean you and some other friends should expect cards in the mail at the appropriate time? Yeah.

3. So we all know that things aren't popping like popcorn in Va. Where is next for you? What is next for you? How do you plan to get there (and don't say in a car or something else equally ignorant)?

Well, for right now I'm gonna ride this thing out until about February 2008. 2008 is the year because that's when my current contract expires and plus my brother will graduate that May. So virtually I will have no ties to the area. As far as where? I'd like to say a bigger market. Probably somewhere like Charlotte or basically a city. Not this Hampton Roads fiasco. I need corner stores. How do I plan to get there? I'm gonna just keep pimping this TV gig. I really like doing it. I get a rush out of it at times and other times I don't. But that's the ebb and flow of life.

4. You keep saying you're gonna get your life right before Jesus comes and finds you "butt naked in a hotel room" or something of that nature. What are you doing to make that happen? What's been the hold up?

First I'm gonna put some clothes on. Can't get right with the Lord if you ain't got nothing on. With me, I've always moved or acted on something in extreme situations. Like there are times I won't pay the cable bill until Cox Communications calls me and says, "hey man we're about to cut that service". With that being said, I don't want a major catastrophe be the thing that finally pushes me head first into religion. I want to come to it on my own terms. I tried asking for help before and at the time I wasn't getting the answer I wanted, so I tuned stuff out. I would turn the channel back, but I would always find a reason to turn off the TV. So the hold up is me. This sounds cliche, but I'm my own worst enemy.

5. Describe what you want your wife to be like.

Breathing always helps...lol. Ok let me stop hiding behind the humor. I'd like to say I want someone who challenges me, but I haven't had success with women like that in the past. But I know that's what I need as opposed to what I want. I need a chick who's going to kick me in my ass with a steel-toed boot when she sees me slacking. Don't get it twisted, I don't want no abusive woman cause I will fight you. It's 2007...girls get it too. I'm not gonna say the superficial stuff regarding height, weight and level of beauty because I know if I get a mud-duck niggas are gonna talk about me. And her. To our faces. So physically, she's gonna be solid. For me, the strongest thing is her mind. Can she take me? Because I know I'm a lot to handle. So to answer your question, I want a woman who is confident in who she is and doesn't need anyone to give her validation. But I don't want one so sure of herself that she doesn't need me to tell her she's beautiful.

The Interview Continues

I'm getting to your questions...happy now? And by the way these better be easy or else you and La are both on the list.

1. The best sex you've ever had. Tell us all about it and what would be the soundtrack to the experience?

What is it with these OD first questions? Ok, the best sex I've ever had was about a year and a half ago. I had blown off my...friend to go to this party. Naturally she was pissed, but I was full of that man pride and didn't really care. So I go to the party and of course it's wack. So I head home and decide I'll try to make amends with my...friend. I give her a call and invite her to come over. I forget what time it was, but I know it was definitely booty call hour (11 pm on weekdays, midnight on weekends). She comes over...we BS for a minute...and then we get it cracking. Now I don't know what got into me that night (maybe it was because I didn't want her to be pissed at me), but I was really laying it down. I'll refrain from describing in detail what happened, but I will give you the duration of the session. At least two hours. Dead ass. Your boy was on a mission. The marathon ended with her cradling in the fetal position. If I had to name a soundtrack, I would say it would be Lionel Richie's "All Night Long".

2. Describe your most perfect day (even if it hasn't happened yet).

Um...uh...give me a minute. ***leaves room for a second***
Ok, I'm back. I think my perfect day would involve me hanging out with my family, friends from back home and friends from college. I know that's kind of vague, but I know in each situation I would laugh, get some bomb ass grub and have no worries. Yeah, that sounds pretty damn perfect.

3. What is the hardest thing you've ever had to do?

Admit I'm wrong. In any situation. I HATE BEING WRONG! It really grinds my gears. Because that shows that I'm open to mistakes or flaws. It makes me human...vulnerable. Sometimes you don't want to give off that vibe. No one wants to admit that, well at least I don't.

4. What is the kindest thing anyone has ever done for you?

I really couldn't single out one specific thing because a lot of people have gone to bat for me. If it wasn't for one of my college professors calling in a favor to her mentor, I wouldn't have become an intern at the TV station I work at now. If it wasn't for Monique, I wouldn't have had the chance to see Chapel Hill. If it wasn't for that girl in 7th grade who gave it up I would still be a virgin...NAH!

5. What kind of father do you want to be?

The kind that is able to relate to his child/children no matter their age or dilemma. I want my kids to trust me when I say I'll be there for you. When I was younger I would've answered and said not like my dad. But that's before I grew up and realized what my pops really sacrificed to help raise me. Listen to this. When I was younger (between the ages of 8-11, I think), I played recreation basketball. My mom worked with this guy who always had the hook up cause he had a side hustle at The Garden (that's Madison Square Garden for those of you who don't know). Anyway, it was a night I had a game, and dude calls the house asking me, my mom, my dad and my brother how fast can we get to The Garden. He asks because he has tickets for us to watch the Knicks at The Garden. Box seats. Oh and by the way, the Knicks were playing the Bulls. This is about 1993 or 1994. That means I had a chance to see Jordan. Let that sink in for a second. I HAD A SHOT TO SEE MICHAEL JEFFREY JORDAN AT THE PEAK OF HIS GREATNESS!! And my dad said no. He said no because I had a game and he would rather be at my game, than watch his favorite team play the Bulls at The Garden. That's sacrifice.

The Interview

First off let me start by saying La...I thought you had my back. I'm the next in a long line of people who have agreed to be interviewed by other bloggers. If at the end of this interview you would like to participate, feel free.

1. Why do you think that you developed the talent for talking and not saying much? What are you hiding?

We just jump right into it huh? Well, I asked for it didn't I? I think this "talent" has developed because I hate conflict of any form. If you've got someone rattling off at the mouth talking in circles, you're too confused to get mad because you're trying to figure out what the hell I just said. Also I think it's because I'm brutally honest. Almost to a fault. If you want your ego stroked or you're looking for a compliment, don't ask me for my honest opinion. I'll tell you when you start developing cankles, why I don't like your mother and why I hate when your jaw clicks whenever you chew. So to sum it all up, it's a defense mechanism. I hate having all eyes on me...sometimes. I like picking and choosing when that's possible. As far as what I'm hiding, I would say my true feelings about stuff. I'm VERY reluctant to talk about the stuff I really care about. I can tell you a story about the time I learned the Pythagorean theory in middle school easier than why me and (insert name here) aren't together. It hurts too much.

2. Who would top your Maxim Hot 100?
Wow, that's a jump! Um, about a year ago it would've been a tie between Halle Berry and Janet Jackson. But wack movies (Catwoman) and subpar albums (20 Y.O. and Damita Jo) have dropped them out of the top spot. These days I gotta go with my girl Gabrielle Union. Sure she may play the same character in every movie she's in, but if you can be that fine and be from Omaha, Nebraska you're ok with me. If you're an attractive woman and from a state where the number of ears of corn is more than the Black population, you're ok with me.

3. What made you start writing and why the hell haven't you finished that damn story?
LOL...you seem a little peeved about that one. With writing in general, it's just something I've always dabbled in. I didn't really start getting into it until my senior year of high school. That's when I wrote something I felt was of substance. It was about this stripper who had a regular customer. I might post it one day. As far as "the story", it all started when I was listening to that "Trapped In The Closet" series. I said to myself, "Self, you can do that,". So, I did. It was never my intention for it to go past two or three segments. If you look back, the first part can really stand on its own as a one shot deal. But once I started writing, I couldn't stop. I wanted to see how far I could take it, how far down the rabbit hole I would go. There are times I look back and I'm amazed at what I've done. I never thought it would gain this cult following. You know it's crazy when your friends who don't have blogs call you about the characters. I got friends from Maryland to South Carolina pissed I haven't finished. So why haven't I finished? I haven't had the time to write. Back when I was first starting, I was still part time at the station. I had time to devote to it. Now, I'm producing three different shows five days a week. In a perfect world, I'd love to just stop for a few months and really dedicate time to make the story into something worthwhile. But we know the world ain't perfect. So I'll continue to do a little bit everyday, but I can't promise anything relevant anytime soon. Now if you want broken paragraphs full of possible storylines I can fax those out ASAP.

4. What's the biggest difference you see hanging out with your black friends and white friends?
White people don't need a reason to throw a party and get drunk. Think about the times you and your Black friends have been drunk and partying. Wasn't there some kind of function going on? Wedding...birthday party...graduation party...funeral...baby shower. If it involves either gift giving or tears or both, Black people are there and we drinking. Also, it costs too much for us to get drunk. We stay drinking liquor. And not the cheap vodka in the plastic bottle on the bottom shelf. We gotta have Grey Goose. White people will buy three 24 cases of Natural Ice and get right! Besides, Black people can't get drunk and be still.

"I'm sayin, where we goin with this?"

White people get drunk, play Halo and chill. Gotta love Weekend With Whitey.

5. How many times have you been in love? And why aren't you with her/them?
If the first question was the punch in the mouth, this one is the kick in the gut. Maybe I shoulda went with Jameil on this one. To be honest, I don't know. Seriously. I don't know what love is. I wasn't raised in an environment where the feeling of love was verbalized. I'm not saying my parents were/are bad. They're great. I wouldn't have accomplished 1/3 of anything in my life without them. But we just didn't say "I love you". I can tell you I've been in deep like before. That's happened twice. Once in high school and the second about a year and a half ago. I'm not with either of them because I pushed them away. I had an epiphany last night during a conversation with a...friend. In each situation I had the chance to make it work, but I let my pride take over. I had that "out of sight, out of mind" mentality. Truthfully, I still do. That's why I don't call my college friends, high school friends or family often. It's not personal, I just get tunnel vision. If I had the chance to go back in time, I would definitely tell both women how I felt about them. Would it change where I'm at in life now? With the second woman yeah. But Doc Brown and the Delorean are only in the movies.

WHEW!!!
That was tough. Once again I want to say La, you sold me out. If I see you in the streets, it's on. LOL! So if anyone wants to be interviewed holla at me or if you want to interview me, just send the questions.

Eh...

Today I'm in a funk. You know one of those days when you're body is at work but your mind isn't? Yeah that's how today feels. My mind is really wandering, more than usual. Instead of news of the day, I'm thinking about past relationships, the possibility of a new one and going to the movies. Concerning past relationships...she loves dude. Am I upset? Slightly. But hey, I had my shot you know? I'm trying to shrug it off, but I can't. Guess that means I cared more than I let on. If you're looking for me to dedicate anymore time to this topic you don't know me at all. If you want details, get your Indiana Jones on and start digging. Context clues are everywhere. As far as the possibility of a new relationship...first let me not get ahead of myself. I met this chick at Blockbuster about two or three weeks ago. I was trying to figure out what movies to rent when I asked her for some help (she works there). So she obliged and helped me pick out two flicks...Apocolypto (not too shabby) and Hannibal Rising (two thumbs and a big toe down). During our tour of Blockbuster conversation starts, continues and a phone number is exchanged. She's cool, real laid back and currently the opposite of me. I'm so high strung these days it's a wonder I haven't had a stress/work related nervous breakdown. And I want to see the movie "Knocked Up". I need reviews, though, before I check it out. I trust the opinion of real people and not the ones who get paid to write about it. So if you've checked it out, holla at me.

P.S. Be on the lookout for some sort of interview. I asked La to interview me. Check out her spot to see what the format is. I would've asked Jameil but she's been reading this since day one. She knows too much about me already...

The Value Of Words

This is something I'm starting to understand. It's kind of pointless to try and talk circles around people who only respond to direct things. People who ask specific questions looking for specific answers don't have time to hear me wax poetic while I try to dance my way out of an uncomfortable situation. So with that being said, I'm going to try a new approach to things. I'm going to talk less. Granted this will be difficult since I like to talk/write. But this is all a part of The Growth. I want my words to have value behind them. So I figure if I stop throwing them around like they don't mean anything, that will happen. Will it be easy? No. Will I like trying it? Probably not. But I've got to try and approach things differently. That doesn't mean I'll start writing blogs that are only a paragraph long, that would cheat my adoring public (I love the ego, don't you?). But it does mean that I might be a little infrequent with posting. I want to be very careful what I say.