So I think i'm allergic to babies. Not like break out in hives, start developing a nervous twitch above my left eye, dry heaving allergic.
I just can't look at em.
Allow me to provide some backstory.
On one of my days off i'm at the crib (get it crib...baby...never mind) flipping through channel after channel.
***SIDEBAR***
Why is it whenever you're home on your day off, a freaking marathon of "America's Next Top Model" is on? Can I catch some "Tom and Jerry" cartoons? I'm just saying?
***SIDEBAR***
Finally I stop on a show called "Bringing Baby Home: The First 36 Hours". And for some reason, the show catches my attention. It's not for the alleged cuteness of newborn babies (that's up for debate). It's for the sheer paranoia and fear the new parents have. Dad is complaining because he's changed seven diapers in 17 hours straight with no sleep. Mom complains of sore nipples due to the newborns desire to be fed...constantly. It's pure comedy, at least to me and my sick sense of humor. And suddenly it hit me...that's gonna be me one day. The thought of me getting up at dark thirty in the morning to change my kid is not on my to-do list. At least not right now. See how long it took me to add another full grown human into my life? Now we're talking about adding a mini-me? Nah...not the kid. So where did all this paternity anxiety (damn that sounds like something I could develop) come from? Talking to one of the homies from Jersey. I've known this cat for close to 10 years (god i'm old) and just recently, this dude's been talking all paternal.
"i just feel like it's time...in a year or so don't be surprised if you're an uncle"
"..."
kudos to you my friend for electing to jump. Me, i'd rather be pushed.
