I Guess I Gotta Follow Suit

Another glimpse into me.

I am not: white.
I hurt: when I stub my toe.
I hate: clowns.
I hear: the news on TV right now (I'm at work).
I regret: nothing.
I cry: never.
I care: about my mother, father and brother.
I always: ask my mom for advice.
I long to: travel to Australia.
I feel alone: when I'm by myself (duh).
I listen: to my conscience (when it's in my favor).
I hide: from nothing.
I drive: a dark blue 2001 Pontiac Grand Am.
I sing: in the shower. I'm like Luther when I'm in that muhfucka.
I dance: when I'm at a party.
I write: whenever I feel motivated.
I breathe: oxygen.
I play: Madden 2005 and Live 2005.
I miss: New Jersey.
I search: for someone of the opposite sex who keeps me intrigued
I say: whatever the fuck I feel.
I feel: like going to the chicken shack in Roselle and getting a chicken cheesesteak with ketchup and mayo.
I succeed: often.
I fail: rarely.
I dream: about the future. The weird part is when I dream something and it actually happens.
I sleep: in a bed. Alone.
I wonder: what GOD has planned for me, and if I'll ever make it a reality.
I want: to find a woman worth the chase.
I worry: for my brother.
I have: three tattoos and a desire for more.
I give: my honest opinion when I'm asked for it.
I fight: when provoked
I wait: for nothing.
I am: a symphony a few notes short of a classic. But I'm practicing every day.
I can't: fathom losing.
I stay: in Virginia. But my heart lives in Jersey.

"You're Not A Hoe...You're Just Ho-ish"

These are the words my 100% platonic friend "Jezzi" said to me a few days ago. Naturally I was taken aback. Wouldn't you be? I mean here's one of the few women who's opinion I value, and she calls me "ho-ish". So of course we talked abut this. And I had what I thought was a good arguement going, when she said this one thing that made me think. "Out of every girl you've messed with at Hampton, did you ever consider making any of them your girlfriend?" And I paused. I thought. And I answered. "No...no I didn't." This made me wonder, "Am I really a man whore?" Of course in my original defense I said no, but as I look back at some of the things I've done I'm really wondering if I am one. There have been times when I've only seeked a woman's company just to have sex with her. There have also been times when I've lost intrest in a woman because she wasn't intrested in having sex with me. Now I admit those things do sound ho-ish, but in my defense I was a lot younger then and much more shallow. I'm not saying I've made a complete change, but I'd like to think I'm at the point in my life where I value a woman for more than her body.

So how does a proclaimed "ho-ish" man reform?

That's the question, now you guys provide some answers.

It's Been So Long...

Song Playing: None, I'm at work

Sorry I've been gone so long. A brother's cable/internet/phone got temporarily cut off. So that's why I'm blogging from the j-o-b.

So Homecoming was last weekend, my first as an alumni. It was ok...even if there were only 12 people there (kudos to whoever planned our homecoming the same weekend as Howard's, Morehouse's and FAMU's). But it was good to see some people I hadn't seen since May, and plus it gave me a chance to be fly all weekend. I got a chance to see my crush, and of course I didn't tell her I liked her. Why? I didn't really have the right opportunity to say what I felt. Everytime I saw her was at a party where we were both drunk. Gotta not confess something like that while you have that liquid truth in ya. But I think it's a good thing I didn't cause I think she's involved with someone, and I ain't tryin to ruin no happy homes.

However, this is a perfect transition to my next topic. I think I like this other girl. No scratch that, I like her words. I don't know her, I'm pretty sure we've never spoken in person. I read her blog and she just seems...nice. But isn't it funny how someone you think it's nice just because you find them attractive. They could be an asshole and still be cute.

So will I attempt to talk to this girl? Probably not. I don't want to come off as some internet predator. I'm too sexy for that (let it never be said I lack confidence).

Also, since I've been gone I went down to NC for A&T's homecoming. That was great. Had a chance to kick it with them DPP boys from back home. It's rare when all of us get a chance to chill together. Really reminded me of why we're so close.

But in all honesty, it feels good to blog again. I missed you guys...did ya miss me??

"Casual sex is like playing Russian Roulette. And I know I've thrown my dick on the crap table many a night." -Eddie Murphy

Am I Lame?

Song Playing-"Young & Sexy" Fabolous Featuring Pharrell & Mike Shorey

So last night I'm on the phone with a female friend of mine from NJ. And we're just catching up on old times because we haven't spoken since I graduated (college that is). So through the course of our convo, she tells me about her odd yet entertaining relationship. Then she asks me if I'm having similar problems in my relationship with my girlfriend. Of course I say no because...I don't have a girlfriend. She then proceeds to flip out on me for not having one. Hence the title of my post. Am I lame for not having a girlfriend?? For the few (or many) people who read this thing we call a blog you all know my lack of a relationship is almost always a constant. I mean I don't have much else to worry about. I got a car, a place to live and a job. So I figure I can put some energy into something else I might want. Anywho...I'm just tryin to figure out why lame niggas are boo lovin and I ain't. Suggestions? Oh and by the way if you really do read this I'd like you to respond, I like to know who's hearing me bitch and moan.

"Everbody wants to be a NIGGA but nobody wants to be a NIGGER."

Me

Song Playing-"What You Been Drankin On?" Jim Jones Feat. Jha Jha, Diddy & Paul Wall

I've been looking on a few people's bolgs and everyone has like 100 things about them. That's a lot of personal info to reveal, however I'm wondering if I can actually do it. I've always liked a challenge. With that said...

1. My middle name is Michael
2. I love where I'm from (NJ), but I doubt I'll ever go back
3. I procrastinate
4. I don't think of myself as highly as other people do
5. I can't count the number of people I've sex with on 2 hands.
6. I like sex...I just don't have it that often.
7. I forget to put punctuation marks at the end of sentences sometimes.
8. I can make a joke out of the most serious situation.
9. I miss out on a lot of women because I talk myself out of speaking to them.
10. I say the word nigger/nigga too much
11. I don't think I'm as smart as I should be at this point in my life.
12. My favorite ice cream flavor has got to be Peanut Butter Cup by Ben & Jerry's
13. I used to have braces.
14. I hate going to the doctor and the dentist.
15. I actually like to read.
16. I'm discovering that my idea of what life would be like when I was younger, is nothing like it really is now.
17. I think Martin is waaaayyyyy better than The Fresh Prince of Bel Air
18. I wasn't nor will I be a big fan of The Cosby Show. I just couldn't identify with it.
19. I curse a lot, but then again I am from Jersey.
20. Every state below Delaware is the South.
21. I used to play in the band in high school (alto sax, baritone sax and trumpet)
22. I used to sing in the choir in church and the chorus in school. There is a difference between choir and chorus.
23. I used to write for the newspaper in high school. Now I work in TV...go figure.
24. I've been writing a short story/novel since I was in middle school. If you want to know how it's progressing, please refer to #3.
25. My favorite number is 12.
26. I watch porn...
27. I think I was the first person at Hampton to wear PJ pants to class. (Those who had class with me remember the Twinkie pants and the red snowman joints).
28. I got tested for sexually transmitted diseases for the first time this summer.
29. As far as the results go all I'm going to say is that I am not a statistic.
30. I always have and always will hate math with a passion.
31. When women say they like me I always ask why.
32. When I was younger I had low self-esteem. I would walk around with my head down all the time.
33. I'm not as comfortable with being the center of attention as some people would think.
34. My friends from NJ are the best collection of people I think I've met.
35. My friends from HU are a close second.
36. I'm not a trusting person yet when people get comfortable around me they tell me any and everything.
37. I've been told I'm a charmer and that I have the gift of gab.
38. I had a crush on a girl in college until I found out she only like Andre 3000's The Love Below and not Big Boi's Speakerboxxx.
39. My cousin Charisse isn't really my cousin...it's a long story.
40. I'd like to be married one day.
41. I've only had 1 real girlfriend in my life.
42. I've helped fund an abortion.
43. Obviously I'm pro choice.
44. She was the last person I can honestly say I loved.
45. She's married now.
46. She didn't tell me. I found out "through the grapevine".
47. I haven't had a girlfriend since.
48. I thought I wanted a girlfriend, until I realized I just missed being around women.
49. I think Halle Berry has come a long way since the early 90's.
50. Eddie Murphy had fallen waaayyyyyy off since the early 90's.
51. I hate these random Dave Chappelle fans who have only watched the TV show. I've been a fan since the Robin Hood: Men In Tights days.
52. I knew who Rick James was before the infamous skit.
53. I can't say I had much Prince music before the Chappelle Show skit.
54. Prince is that nigga.
55. I like damn near every genre of music.
56. I used to listen to classical music to help me go to sleep.
57. My mom is my best friend.
58. I used to be pissed at my dad secretly when I was younger cause he worked nights and it seemed that he and my brother bonded better than he and I did.
59. My dad is the coolest man by far.
60. I'd like to think I'm a pretty cool guy.
61. I'm not the most fashionable man in the world though. You won't see me wearing the latest trend or starting a new one.
62. I only own one suit
63. I've been feeling the need to step up my clothing game ever since I was told my jeans were too baggy to get into this bar.
64. If you're still reading this, you either want to know this much about me or you're bored at work/school
65. I'm scared to die
66. My faith is unstable. There are days I believe and days I don't
67. I doubt myself constantly
68. I think I might have a slight case of dyslexia.
69. I was in a spelling bee in middle school.
70. I beat everyone in my grade and the lost in some kind of regional tournament on the first word. All I got was a damn plastic mug.
71. I used to play football in high school
72. Iwasthisclosetogoingto schoolinConnecticutforfootball.
73. I seriously considered transfering from Hampton during my sophmore year. The only thing that kept me from going was that I had missed the transfer deadline by a month or so.
74. I like pancakes.
75. I have very few political views on anything. I tend to use common sense.
76. I'm not a registered voter.
77. I've donated blood.
78. If I had to donate an organ I think I would.
79. I keep a list of all the people I've had sex with. It's on a napkin.
80. I use Magnum's.
81. If I could do college all over again...I'd try to have a lot more sex. I missed out on a few.
82. I don't think Homecoming will be as hype as I think. Then again I do tend to downplay stuff.
83. Every professor who taught me in my major at Hampton no longer works there.
84. I still don't see why everyone pissed on themselves when they found out Tony Brown would become our dean.
85. I still don't see why there hasn't been extensive media coverage on the details discussed in my last blog.
86. I fear becoming complacent with just going to work and collecting a check.
87. I think about the future so much sometimes that I ignore the present.
88. So far in my life nothing I've done has been hard.
89. I don't like showing people around me I'm afraid or nervous or concerned.
90. I have a hard time expressing my true feelings.
91. I really don't like clowns. Especially when they're all in my face.
92. I admire my brother and his work ethic.
93. I wear a size 13 shoe.
94. I've used my tounge ring to perform oral sex on women.
95. I'd rather please than to be pleased.
96. I ain't freaky...I prefer the term "sexually creative".
97. I had a crush on this chick all senior year in college and she's read and posted in my blog.
98. I find it flattering when I find out women have a crush on me.
99. I've broken hearts before.
100. Last but not least...Jezzi if you made it all the way down to the end I just want to tell you don't be afraid to chase your dream. The journey itself will make a great story to your kids one day. I believe in you because you constantly believe in me. I don't know why, but I don't question it either. I guess you see in me the same thing I see in you.
101. Just in case ya'll are wondering #97 doesn't apply to Jezzi. To the person it does apply to...hopefully I'll see you Homecoming weekend.

"Don't complain if you're being complacent"