Blogger Bully

Let the record state Jameil (insert middle name followed by last name) is a bully. If we were in the sand box, she was the girl who beat up boys in fourth grade. Remember her? I do. There was this Amazonian broad back in elementary school. At the time I was still growing, but I was still one of the taller kids in class. Until Gigantor walked onto the playground. She was at least four to five inches than every boy and girl in class. Naturally as the reigning tall person, I felt she was trying to take over my set and that's just a violation. But I didn't take her down right away, I had to study my opponent. Find out what made her tick and all that jazz. So eventually a few weeks later we were out at the playground during recess. And I challenged her. Remember the game where you and another person grabbed hands and one person tried to bend the other person's fingers back...yeah old school. Anyway we did that...and I ain't gonna front she got me a few times, but I got mine in. So I walked away defeated, but I had my head up. I did my best and that was that. Come to find out after that day, Gigantor started to like me. Apparently no one had ever stepped to her. So now I got this Amazon with some strong ass knuckles who digs me. Even back then I was a sucker, so we "went together" for a little bit. Things fizzled out and by Valentine's Day I was back to my bachelor like ways.

It's Just Hair

I understand I may be acting like a stereotypical male, but oh well. I was at the crib watching "America's Next Top Model" (ask me no questions and I'll tell you no lies) and it was the show where they were giving these 48 pound broads their makeovers. Now prior to getting the makeovers, the girls were all gung ho about getting these changes.

"I don't care what I have to do...Cut my hair, I don't care."

Fast forward to these chicks actually getting their hair cut. Nothing but tears and crying. You would think they just found out they gained 10 pounds in two weeks. I'm talking Boo-Hoo City. Which lead me to scream all alone in my apartment...

"IT'S JUST HAIR BITCH SHIT!"

I've never had hair past the cartilage at the top of my ear, but I'd like to think if I was gonna get it cut, I wouldn't pitch a bitch like that. So to the female subscribers I ask this...Was all that really called for or am I just a cold-hearted bastard?

ATL Recap...Day 3

Saturday

Basically I chilled in the hotel all day. We had a banquet to go to later on that day. We normally have one every year, but this year it was different. Instead of getting all suited and booted the dress code was relaxed. My brother and I took full advantage of said code and threw on some polo shirts, jeans and some sneakers fresh out the box (Air Force One's for me). Also the banquet is normally held in that big ass room every hotel has. You know the one...don't front. Well this year it was held at Dave & Buster's (stop the snickering cause at the end of the day it's still family), hence the jeans. But you know how old Black people love to dress up and by fly. So it was only right my grandfather had on his suit with the diamond tie pin in his tie. A special twist on the night's events was to honor the family members who basically started the fam. My great-grandparents (who I never met) had seven children who made it to adulthood. As the night went on people representing each child went up and said something memorable. Of course, my brother and I had been delegated to represent my grandfather. The story I told talked about how when we used to live in Jersey and my grandfather came to preach at our church. And for me, he was always just my grandfather you know, but when he started preaching it was like he became something else. Almost mythical and everyone in the congregation recognized that. After the sermon everyone mentioned how well he had preached. And I was like , "of course, he's my grandfather." So we finished the banquet and I hit the bar. Me and a few family members had some drinks, some laughs and that was it.

Sunday
I finished packing my clothes, said my goodbye's to the fam went to the cavernous airport in Atlanta and flew back to VA.
All in all, it was good times.

ATL Recap...Day 2

Friday
The night before I set my alarm so I could get up and hit the gym. The Hour Of Power is necessary, even on vacation. So I get up at 7 after a night of semi-drinking and make my way to the gym in the hotel. Real talk, I would've been better doing some pushups in the room. The hotel "gym" had a treadmill and some universal machine that simulates bench presses, incline, lat pulldowns, leg extensions and all the other stuff you need to get in a decent workout. I struggled to make something out of nothing, but gave up after about 30 minutes. So I went to the hotel's lobby and proceeded to have some breakfast. Thank God for waffle making machines. The hotel had batter ready made for you. All you had to was pour the batter into the waffle maker, lock and in two minutes brown, waffle goodness. Naturally I had to spice mine up, so I found some cinnamon and added it to my waffle. After breakfast, my brother came down. Me and him clowned for a minute and then went upstairs to get ready for the day's events. Freshly showered and dressed we boarded one of several vans, hopped on I-85 and made our way to Atlanta. First stop was MLK's old church and his tomb where he and Coretta now rest. Saw a lot of powerful things while I toured this part of the city. Got a chance to see one of King's suits. He wasn't that tall, but hey he managed to make it work. Saw the house he was raised in that's actually right down the street from the church. So we got back in the vans and headed to the Underground. Took some time out to grab something to eat. The fam decided to go to the place that had the longest line with the most Black people in it. Always guaranteed to eat good at a place like that. And the food was rocking! I had some fried whiting with some side order of something. Didn't matter cause the fish was good. We finished lunch and get back on the vans. Next stop...The World Of Coca-Cola Museum. It's right in the city and within Centennial Park (you know where the 1996 Olympics were held).I must admit, the place did it for me even when I thought it wouldn't. Did you know there are more than 70 different kinds of Coca-Cola products all over the world? If you ever go try the Beverly. Left the museum and the little crumb snatchers that were with us were getting antsy so we decided to ride back to the hotel. I wish I could tell you about Friday night traffic in the A, but I definitely passed out on the ride. Got back to the room and was working on my own late night plans. My homegirl from Hampton who stays in Atlanta told he she had the hook-up at this club. I think it was called Compound. So I started getting my clothes ready when she hits me up.

"Yo I got bad news. My sister only put me on the list tonight. I'm sorry."

DAMN GINA!!!

"Damn. Aight, that's cool. I can kick it with the fam."

So there went my chance to see what this Atlanta shit was all about. Ah well. Looks like I'm chilling with Grandma and Grandpa. Friday night ended with me kicking it in a hotel. I know...I know...all that handsome gone to waste.

Day 3...tomorrow

ATL...The Recap

After V hassled me, I figured it was time to reminisce about my time in the A. Forgive me if I leave a few details out, it was almost about two weeks ago.

Thursday
I went to the job to pick up my check so I would have some money available when I was in Atlanta. I went in there looking real suspect. Basketball shorts...wave cap...white tee and aviator sunglasses. Yeah I looked like The Unabomber. I went back to the house and finished packing. I had two bags. One for clothes and one for footwear. I was going down there on a mission. I went home and put on something respectable cause I know my Mom will talk about me getting off the plane looking like a bum. I throw on a black Lacoste polo, jeans, Timbs and my Swiss Army watch. Yeah, I'm fresh. I drove to my homegirl's place in Hampton so she could take me to the airport in Newport News, cause I'll be damned if I leave my car at the airport for longer than a few hours. So, I check in get my boarding pass and go on my way to my gate. I get to the gate, and start passing the time by reading. I highly suggest you guys read "The Pursuit Of Happyness". If a book is made into a movie, I always read the book first. I like painting the picture in my head better than watching it on screen. So I'm reading and I notice this chick. I think nothing of it until she stands up. MAN LISTEN...shorty's dad must have been a meat burglar because it looked like someone shoved two hams down the back of her pants. So now, I'm tuned in. I still keep it cool cause you know I'm just made that way. Eventually she sits back down and wouldn't you know it, she sits next to me. The minute she sat down I finished reading (I was really done) so I reached in my bookbag and pulled out my next book. Yeah, I get it in with the reading. This one was called "Nigger. The History Of A Strange And Troublesome Word". So I begin reading and shorty notices the title.

"Interesting book huh?"
"Yeah it is. Gotta keep the cover hidden though, I don't want to upset people."

She flashes a smile in agreement and continues reading her fashion magazine. I see the door of opportunity open.

"I mean this isn't as fascinating as what you have, but it'll do."

She smiles and turns towards me. Touchdown. She and I start talking. I find out she's a teacher in the area and that she's going to Atlanta just to unwind for a few days. I also find out she's recently divorced and that she has a child. Normally this would've been an automatic disqualification for me, but it's 2007 and people got kids. No need in eliminating a woman because she has a Mini-Me. I also find out she's older than me ( stop me if you've heard this before). But she's about three years past the new 20. We've been talking for about a half an hour when they start boarding. Now she starts getting antsy, but not because of anything I've said or done, but because she's flying standby and has been waiting since about noon. It's now 2:30. I wait until the very end to board. Looks like she's not getting on the flight. Before I get on the plane I ask for her number.

"Maybe when I get back we can go out to dinner."
"I'd like that."
"Cool. I'll hit you up when I get back."

I turn, walk onto the plane, find my seat and smile.

"This is gonna be a good weekend."

About an hour and a half later, I land and begin my trek to the baggage claim. Yo, for all you cats from Atlanta that knew I was going down there you get the middle finger. You knew how big that damn airport was! You couldn't warn a brother! Dead ass I walked 3,000 feet from the gate to the baggage claim. Yeah, I could've taken the little in-house subway to the baggage claim, but I didn't think 3,000 feet was that far. Consider my lesson learned. As I was making my way to the airport, I pass through some kind of African exhibit. This thing had sculptures...music...the whole nine. I felt real Lion King. So I make it through this journey and finally make it to the baggage claim. Can I just pause for the cause and say I saw some of the finest women in that damn airport? Ok cool. I get my bags and wait for my aunt and grandparents to pick me up. They come scoop me up and the laughter begins. My grandparents are old (Grandpa is 84 and Grandma is 81...I think) and hilarious. The whole ride from the airport to the hotel I'm listening to them talk about everything and Christian radio. Grandpa is a pastor. An active one. He still gets in that pulpit every Sunday morning and preaches. After sitting in that traffic for what seemed like all my adult life, we reach the hotel in Duluth. Grandma and Grandpa are diabetic, so they're on a strict eating regime. So we go to the local buffet (I swear the South has either a buffet or a Waffle House on each corner) and grub. I get down cause I ain't paying and I'm hungry. By the time we finish, my brother sends me a text saying he and my parents have made it. They drove from Ohio. So we load Grandma and Grandpa back into the car and go to the hotel. I hug my Mom, give my brother some dap and me and my Dad do our handshake. Yes we have a handshake...clown me and the back hand is waiting for you. We check into our rooms and let the family shenanigans begin. You know how in every hotel there's that one room that's set aside for corporate business meetings? The one at our hotel had been transformed into the reception room. A few long aluminum tins full of spaghetti kept warm over those portable burners...some salad...about 12 bottles of salad dressing...bottled water...soda...and of course chicken now decorate a table normally reserved for conducting serious business. We go in there and spark up conversation with the fam. Soon after that, a cousin announces that we'll be playing bingo. The winner gets a gift certificate to Wal-Mart. I tune in. $10 at Wal-Mart goes a long way. Naturally I don't win any of the bingo games, but my Dad does. I try and bribe him for the gift certificate but it doesn't work out. Now we switch games and we're playing "Name That Tune". Except for song titles, we have to guess what show's theme song is playing. So we pair up into teams, and it becomes my family versus a few other cousins. WE MASH EM! We beat them like 15-3. At one point they were trying to stop playing, but I insisted on still playing. I love to win, so I was all about keeping the foot on their necks. Finally they stop trying and we claim victory. I begin the trash talking. It was pretty bad. I get really obnoxious when I win, but hey I won so I'm allowed to do whatever I want. By this time it's pretty late and a few cousins are itching to go out and do something. I roll with them to some watering hole/pool hall. We have a few drinks. FYI...next time you go out get a Red Bull and Tuaca. Trust me, it's what you need in your life. I knock back two real quick.

"Damn, you drank them already?"
"I mean we drinkin ain't we? I play no games. This is what I do."

Not trying to look like the family wino, I fall back and let them nurse their drinks. Around 2 or 3 we had back to the hotel and I go to sleep. Gotta get my rest for the next day cause we're taking a tour of Atlanta...

Day Two tomorrow